the day you had left
it felt like pure theft
of my conscience, my heart
my soul, my mind, my art
you have no idea of the pain
of how much i tried to regain
my sense of self, my head
thinking of all of the words we never said
maybe im overreacting
but you were the reason of my being
my heart was beating for you
my emotions so disgustingly true
i tried to find my place
just a mere glimpse, a trace
of what i felt towards you
but i never could too
for since me met
my heart had long been swept
away from my chest
into yours to rest
you've been carrying it ever since
while i tried to convince
myself that the hole that was left
weren't the tears that i wept.

"why?" is the question at hand
why do things never go as planned
i sit alone awake at night
wondering why i can't do anything right
why am i even here i wonder
what happens to us when we go down under
why do i do the things that i do
what is false and what is true
all of these questions scattered around
the weight of them increasing pound by pound
maybe my destiny will soon be uncovered
maybe new paths are yet to be discovered
for now the time will fly
and i'll still be asking "why?"

i could be the sun
shining even if you put a gun
to my head i would still
be fulfilled as you ****
whatever is left of me
i'll bleed out on my knees
and still adore the cause of my death
as i take my last breath
i could be the moon
worth savouring like a sweet tune
only showing up in the dark
where lies my true spark
surrounded by stars
just like my scars
i am a lot to unpack
maybe that won't hold you back
for i am capable of feeling things
words cannot express which brings
me to the core of my existence
which i think is no coincidence
so take me as i am fully
or leave me destroyed surely
just know that you would've lost
someone that would've died at your cost

isn't the night such an abstract thing?
why are you my first thought in the morning?
is it possible to get so attached
to a person that you've never even touched?
i don't even know how to say what i feel
everything i experience feels weirdly unreal
yet here you are, reading this as we speak
i think you've figured out that my personality isn't for the weak
would you find it strange
if i wished that i was able to change
the way that you look at yourself so you could
adore yourself like how i would?
maybe i'm just another hopeless romantic
using poetry as an escape, my words chaotic
just like everything i do, although i try to refuse
how does it feel to be my muse?

why do you still haunt my thoughts
the memories of you my brain distorts
what is even true and what is false
i remember how i used to listen to your pulse
it's the little reminders everyday
that i just can't seem to put away
you're in my cigarette smoke
you're in my every joke
why do you linger in the air
like my cigarette smoke in my hair
the taste of them reminds me of you
i curse your stupid name too
you're in the black coffee i drink
why am i still trying to find a link
every cloud i release
never leaves me with peace
that i so desire
you heartless liar