what we
are going through
is painful

and beautiful

embracing sadness
with grace

holding hope

and accepting the path


letting you go


...
but not losing you

i’m lying
everyday
to keep
us together

freedom
like
smoke

a connection
erased

layers
on top

rules
you
made up

just
throw
it
away

you know
the limitations
you see
in your life
are created
by
you

stayed in bed
longer
this morning
to savor
my daydreams
of you

we lived a thousand lives
together
in my dreams
and not one
came true

my disgust
distaste for you
eclipses
everything else

you make me feel
lonely
even when i'm with you

all of the people
buzzing
the loneliness
deafening

everyone
i thought i had
are now gone

hopes
drooping
lonely
veil

i’m lonely with you
but
i’ll be lonely without you

when you kiss me
like
desperately pulling in an anchor
i’m ready
to drift away
with you

are you ready
to give in
to
goddess magic?

maybe
something
born of a lie
will
always
die

i did everything
for you
so now
i don’t know me

a lonely dreamer
seems to be
me

a yearning heart
longing to be
free

memories
and
daydreams

both like smoke
elusive
and fading

my heart
always grasping
for more

will our story
be told
in a dream
or a future memory?

is one
more real
than the other?

you lost me
when
you
betrayed me

and now
you
ruined me

i don't know
if
i'll ever
come back to you

and in the middle of the night
i woke
and heard the words
emerge from the darkness

"i love you"
was all that you said

but
that was all
i needed to hear

poisoned
by my own mind

i never even tried
to make you mine

how do i say
i miss you
before
i have you

the moon pulls
our love's tide

today
your sea
flowed into me

you dug
a little deeper

your essence
became me

writing thoughts
deleting thoughts
anger flares
and then subsides
love blooms
and fades
you’re hot
and then you’re cold
you want me
but you don’t

is it
a human
pattern?
a species’
self-torture?

the plot
to transform
my heart
into
dust

people
succumb
to less

i am settling
for
less

i once yearned for
less

when I felt like
less

but
maybe i'll realize

i
am
more

now that
we both know

it suddenly
seems
more sad
more lonely

too real

the ringing
of my anger

can't be dampened
other than
with time

like
sound waves
spreading
dissolving

one day
i'll be
ok

over time
your touch
became
my enemy

over time
my love
became
despair

destined
for
wheel spinning
and
second guessing
what i said
and
awkwardly
ghosting
everyone

somehow
all of a sudden
every dream
is about you

my collection
gems
i have them hidden
i hold them dear

precious time

a kiss
your face
our laughs

overflowing
like
me

how can
one person
break one heart
this many times

you took my screaming heart
into your gentle hands
and then
all was quiet

my love
cannot be contained
it fills the universe
with my heart's song
for you

do i have to keep smiling
to convince you that i'm ok?

does my mask make you happier
than my true face?

all of a sudden
i'm walking into a clearing
where my path appears to end

sometimes
i seem to
know where i am going

then
without warning
i don't

are you
a dream?

i waited
in vain
but i learned
something:

never
again

it hurts
seeing you
become better
for
someone else

it was
never
me

it was
never
meant
to be

intentions of
freedom
passion
purpose
warmth
balance
peace

on the last new moon
i asked the empty sky
to show me the way

and here today
i sit on the eve
of a full moon sky

grateful
with
my
knowing heart

shock
subsides

brings
acceptance
from
knowing

confidence
in next

if this is your love
then
i don't want it

my tolerance
for soul-crushing
is wearing
very thin

my feelings
are not a secret
so
they shouldn't be
a surprise

no word
no phrase

can conquer
the depth

of this

what happens
now
when
i don't love you
anymore?

words
you didn't
say
because
they were hidden
in
bliss

no one knows
where i am
right now
except you

i know
we will be ok
but
right now
i’m not ok

just one day
stands between us

just one sleep
with dreams of you

just one more
day

then

what

tonight
only you
will
do