Boom boom
Ratatat
Organized thugs
Navy blue hats

Singing songs
About murdering kids
LAPD
Pleading the 5th

Boom boom
Ratatat
Organized thugs
Carrying bats

Jumped the turnstile
That fare ain't free
That's 10 from behind
In the SFC

Boom boom
Ratatat
Organized thugs
Pointing gats

New Years passed
Face down on the ground
Fruitvale Station
A pop the final sound

RIP in SC

History only repeats
Until the lessons are learned
Keeping faith in the streets
Not locked up at home
They killed the abolitionists
Years and years ago
Here we are with iPhones
The fight is still going on

Waiting on this phone call
Waiting on forever
Waiting on this phone call
Till I lose my liver

Who is the crazy
One
The person screaming
On the street
For help
Or
The person walking
Calmly by

You climbing on top of my body
My hands around your waist
Your hands on my chest
And my stomach

Pull you in to me
Kiss you on the lips
On your cheeks
Squeeze you as you sit on top of me

Six years ago flys by in my mind
Can I really stand to see you go again
Holding you my hands all over your body
My heart was racing for the next 24 hours

I tried to write a song
But the music
Is gone

I have gone too
To get it
Back

I long for the sound
Bouncing
Around

An untamed idea
Forcing its way
Out

Light up
In the depths
Of my heart

Darker than
The heart of night
I blaze

I set trees
Ablaze
While music plays

I dance away
The day
I made

Keep learning lessons
That I've already learned

Keep getting burned
In places I've already burned

I've tried to change faces
But never could confirm

That the life in my eyes
Is worth being preserved

Always Comparing Myself to You

Like why am I not good enough
Why am I not hot enough
Shut the **** up right now
Just let me rip my ****
You call me then hang up the phone
Said lets get lunch then forget
Every time you post
You are higher up than before
Reminding me that I'm a *******
That just happened to be on your foot

The things you love
You’re taught to hate
The person you adore
They say “not him, not her”
The poison you down
They all cheer
Societal constraints
Inner fear

To love and peace
The well being of others
Might as well commit me
I’ve gone insane with intent
Overthrow the system
Free the oppressed
Rise with the masses
Unconscious means unseen

It's what's happening

***

Is positive

Hate is negative

Pavement pounding
It may look like
Everyone's on the move
But look closer
They are still and collected
The noise rages around them
Unnecessarily
But we know
Where we are going

Take the bus
Or take an uber
The choice is up
To you
To break picket lines
No fines
No lines
That can't be crossed
With a company
That breaks strikes
By breaking workers
Rights

I loved you
Back when there
Were more questions
Than answers

I miss the old us
The kids who were happy
Willing to sleep outside
And hide inside

I miss the days we kissed
Because there weren't very many
But they seem to be
Forever far

I'm trying
I swear I'm trying
Not hard enough
But the best I can
These city streets
Are re-paved
All the friends
You've known
Gone
What does it feel like
To see your city
Your friends
Your family
Bought and sold
Under tourist banners
Ubers
Lyfts
AirBnBs
And city planners
I'll tell you a secret
If you promise to keep it safe
The city is bought and sold
Developers dictate the rate

Good friends
Bad friends
Not sure what it means
Those who are closest to you
End up being family

Strong ties
Weak ties
The list is running thin
The ones we want to keep
Are running from within

Are we meant
To break each others hearts
When SOs come and go
Friends stay around
Just to tear you down

Parking at the beach
Watching birds fly
Gazing at my backyard
Daydreaming
Driving at night
Sitting on a grassy hill
Watching people play
Using the grinder
Listening to an old favorite
Mixing a sauce together
Watching cars pass at night
Hearing birds outside
Walking to the corner store
Sitting next to those I love without talking
Laughing
Getting lost in memories
Waking up and stretching
“I just want the simple things”

The sounds of the city
Put me at ease
Takes me back to my front step
Smoking butts but no trees
The light smell of rain
That would fall like leaves
While I talked to you on the phone
Wishing I was we

Let us run
Like cars in the street
Let us fly
Like planes in the sky
Let us go
From the reigns of complacency
Let us forget
Who we are

So that we may one day find ourselves again

I saw her
I saw her from far away
As I turned the corner
Legs skinnier than straws
A body put in a vice
Again I saw her
In the grocery store
Staring at the aisles
With that blank hunger for a fill
The one where it's depression grocery shopping
What to get
To binge and purge
She was skin and bones
All skin and bones
Covered in a loose jacket
With items in hand
At the checkout our eyes meet
I've seen them before
In a sister
The pain of the
Belimic purge
Memories flash
Bathroom flushes
After a raided kitchen
Pleads of laxatives
From the hospital bed
Skinny ankles
Skinny wrists
In heavy times
It's easy to turn on yourself

Unless it's
A cooperative
Someone's working
Too hard
Big boss
Is stressed
Is it stress
That makes you an
Exec?
Or lack of brains
Like a puppet set

I spent all day
                                                          Stuck
In a dream

When I woke up it was dark
And my eyes were
Shut

Right girl
Wrong time
She was hanging
With some other guy

I thought I
Was stronger
Than I found out
I was

Pride gets
In the way
So often
These days

Am I to blame
Or are you
I'm still not
Quite sure

Smoking *** can make you lose your job
Drinking liquor can make you lose your liver
Smoking tobacco can make you lose your lungs
Eating McDonalds can make you lose your heart
Drinking soda can make you lose your feet
Snorting coke can get your high(ered) in congress

You can lose your feet, liver, lungs, and heart while coked up in congress
But you can't smoke ***

Rectangular shape to my heart
Bring out the sharpened knife
Cut it open from left to right
Pull out your insides for me to see
A love letter written in red
Directly from you to me
I'll melt seeing your words on a page
Waiting for the day I can see you again

We used to have drunken ***
Until you moved out west
Decided to blame me

Sending music from afar
Wondering if it matters to you

Feeling empty
Like I’m missing
Jet fuel
Rushing through my veins
Feel like I’m missing a flame
That burned deep inside
Kept alive
By drunken nights
I feel dry
Like someone left out to die
Deeply empty inside
Wondering where’s my fire

When you think what you see
Is wrong and not meant to be
When you think what you feel
Is wrong and done stupidly
When you think your hair
Is not the way its supposed to be
When you think your eyes
Are the wrong shape making you funny
When you look at your skin
And question its color
When someone calls you one thing
But you know youre another
When someone calls you an other
And you know it hurts
When youre in a room
And you feel like youre alone
When you apply for a job
And know why youre ignored
When you try and find your place
But find theres no place for you

Here I am
I need friends
More
MORE
I need likes
I need looks
I need love
Come to me
Come
See
SEE

I know those reefs go real deep
Real cliche like a bad metaphor in Hawaii
Let it all bleed all over me
Thoughts like blood that won't crust
Just breath and believe?
Seems nice and easy
Simple pleasures for simple people
No, let's make this real confusing instead
Thoughts of death, even on paradise island
"Paradise" say that to the broken and exploited
Paradise at the expense of everyone else
Happy ******* birthday
**** everything and run
Fear the best thing I've ever done
When do you stop running?
When your ankle gives?
Or the bottle
**** it like a baby and cry when it's gone
What makes it feel better
Hearing trauma ****
Yes, please, please more
Tell me how **** up you are
I'm intimately interested
I don't care how strong you are
Let me see your guts bleed from your lips
Makes me feel a little more human
I guess it's a little too humid
Everyone on this island a little too
And it's little too
The worst things
The ones that **** me
Are what really can bring me back
So choke me out
Throw me on my back
But no head after that
Just punches to it
Just frontin too
I'm soft as ****
And you can't handle it
Either can I
You like music
But didn't want to know how I make it
Well guess what
Not much to do with you naked
I eat lunch off thoughts
And throw up the rest
The best sleep I get
Is with a numbed out head
Then it's finally lights out
Alcoholics like it better with nights out
Nights in
Party alone and **** alone and be alone
I'd much rather prefer
Don't really care
About your needs wants or desires
If I can just light my own fire
I don't care to make amends
I'd rather make end plans
Jump off the ship
And cook in the fire
Let it burn all night
Until I choke

Waking up
In someone else's skin
In someone else's city
These dreams crumble
Searching the ground
For someone else's crumbs
They just moved in
From the burbs
Now others move out
Not to the burbs though
Not if your dough low
Not when this is where your roots grow
Planted seeds sprouted trees
You can't just uproot
Because someone else now finds the soil attractive
What about when it was radioactive
When pockets weren't as packed then
Now it's a forced migration
These dreams like buildings crumble

Who captains the ship
Off in the distance
Do they ever hesitate
Or fear what is beneath them
Does the fog and rain scare them
Are they fearless
Brave in the face of a vast ocean
Do they feel relief when they see land
Do they miss their family
Or is the sea their home

The beginning
Of the end
When you see
The cracks from within

Your friends
And best friends
Become people
You forget

When a girl
Comes around
With big
Sweet eyes

Friends fall
To the side
Until you realize
Theyre all gone

As the night
Sits and passes by
I also sit outside
Staring up at the sky

Wrong girl
Wrong time
I've made mistakes
In my life

Your smell
Still on me
When you left
I cried

Sometimes I need some
One to bounce back off me
Give and take
Tug and pull
But to stretch it out
Gain strength
I'm sick of running
In the same place
Companions that bleed
You dry of your voice
Till youre cornered as a baseless
Beast feeding off negative energy

Giving a ****
Why I ditched that ****
Sat making me sick
Liquor spilled real thick
It's so easy to quit
To not give a ****
To see your life split
Warring within
My days are still spent
Wishing I was dead
Except sober instead
Still stuck in bed
Still cycles in my head
I can't catch a breath
I meditate to rest
Still heavy in my chest

Everything waking up in time
It all counts down so quickly
What does it really mean to be
Still treading until I can dive down deep
Slowly untangling these threaded vines
The time escapes me if I don't make it
I used to be trapped under a plastic cap
Break it just to run from the past
Not trying to be completed or conceited
Just come fully as I am
The warmth I feel from you is badly needed
But I breathe deep so I can give it back
Stripped down bare with projections as clothing
Fears of judgment and shame reside
The honest truth is that I'm still learning
Creating space so my truths don't hide

Kids grow up
To be adults
Who are kids
With more authority
                                      power
                                                    clout
                                                               and sense of entitlement

Rebirth
Is a gift
Given to all of us
Take it
Seize it
Do not fear it
Shed
What is not you
Let it burn
Until it turns to ashes
Then grow
From the rich soil
Of those ashes
Experience is what moves us forward
But do not look back