I played the game
and I staked my heart and lost
but the game wasn't fair
with convention the cost
and you did what you thought
was right.

I knew it and yet
my heart broke
and it seems
I never forget.

Would we be parted know...
had things not been so
or did you really love me,
I'll never know.

Im missing here
Before I've even left
My heart has already flown
All the way home
And left my body
To pick up the pieces
Of the life
That I'm half living

Last Friday I did a very good job
of drinking away
my anxiety.
The sad part was
the only person
there to see it
was my mom.

It took me awhile,
but  five beers
and two
hard ciders later
I was free.

I’m almost 19
and I’ve already
started solving
my problems
with vices.

I had my *** phase.
It treated me no better
than any cigarette I bummed.
In the end
it was all just smoke.

Alcohol made me into something
I believed to be better.
I smile because I mean it.
I don’t shy away
From people.
But I’ve come to realize
that I’m worth more
than two shots of *****
and bottle of Mike’s Hard

It’s so easy to forget
what’s circling
in my brain.

I forgot about
school starting
in 2 weeks.

I forgot about my friends
and why
I’ve been feeling
that there’s a lack there of.

It is no ones fault
but my own.
I have no pity
for myself.

I’ve refused to believe
that taking a pill
would vacuum
away the half finished
poems and the
torn up ideas I have
in my mind.

It’s become very
difficult
to explain
myself.
Most times I wish
I didn’t have too.

I’ve never been approachable.
I look mean
But I promise
I’ve always tried to give
everything.
I always thought
that if I said yes
then so would others.

I woke up that Saturday
at  five a.m.
Realizing
that the world kept moving
when mine slowed down.
School will still come
and so will tomorrow.

Give me a pack of cigarettes
Because it’s much easier
to wash that smell from my mouth
than it is to get
these thoughts out.

generally
people like to measure success
based off of worldly matters
such as how rich you are
or how many possessions you have
or how many people you know

but me
personally

i will be rich enough
if i can count your kisses
instead of dollar bills
each one set upon my lips
is worth more than anything
the u.s. mint can offer

and i will have enough possessions
if i can possess your heart
and keep it safe within my chest
safely guarded by my rib cage
right next to mine

and i will know enough people
if i can know you better
than anyone ever has
or ever will
every passion in your heart
and every thought in your mind

i will consider myself to be successful
if i can wake up next to you
every morning
trace your sleepy lips
with mine

and remain that way
for a long while

Pulsing
Pulsing
All I'm doing is pulsing
A tight grip on loose air
A fickle taste of lips in the midst of a tragic interwoven memory despite their tastelessness and despite their grievance. Destroy them upon where they stand, and not because you want to but because they have to go. The shimmers of electric signals sending to your brain, seeing stars from a fall or dizziness from the spiral staircase which sends you to where you now seem to be. Desolate and a holiday and a slap and a curfew and a nap in the lake of humanity in the woods of lunacy in the dark of what we fail to see.

Went home for three weeks,
Never smiled more than I did there.
Seeing you there,
Being with you there,
Kissing you there,
And leaving you there.
Yes, I went home for three weeks,
And though I was never raised there,
I grew there,
And each day,
I grow to miss it.

If I was a snake,
I'd wrap myself around you
And caresssss your sssskin with my forked tongue.
And love the way you react to
My cold, hard scales.

I'm trying to think of a melody
To describe us.
I cant sing,
Or play guitar (yet),
But I can hum.
And you can, too.

Do you *have a song?

Its hard to find my way.
To realize my mistakes,
My actions' effects.

Everything has an effect.

I always turn to dead ends
And confuse myself more.
Twisting and turning and panicking and...
Breath. Breathe.
I'm thirsty.

I need... Answers.
To my one and only question.

*What should I do?

Now,
My only wish is to prove to you
How much emotion my heart can hold.
Show you that I think you
Are beautiful
In every sense of the word.

And I love looking into your eyes,
My darling.