Imprinted in my brain,
A stray thought still remains.

I can't help it,
It is a part of me.
And while it is true I have promised,
And I will follow through,
It is still there.

But it is fading.
Slowly.

I have voices telling me
That they care.

Real ones. Ones that are
Not in my head, but rather echoing in my ear.

Thank you.

This lump in my throat
Jumps. Almost as if it wants
To say something.
I did not know what it is.
I feel I need to measure some sort
Of emotion, but what it is...
And it scares me.
I feel the vultures and crow
Just waiting for the right moment.
I should feel warm.

I am alive right?
Because you can see me, can't you?

You are my Geranium.

Something is different in school.

But what?

It could be that everything that has happened wasn't here
And that affects things, but somehow that doesn't seem right.

I don't know.

But it's affecting me,
And my words are taking a turn for the worst.

I wish I could not speak.
Maybe then,
The things I wish to say would be more meaningful
And I would say so much more.

I wouldn't say
"I love you".
I would show it.

And I wouldn't recite poetry,
I would act it.

And I wouldn't tell jokes.

*I would be them.

I have a song in my head.
And I blame it for this dilemma

But, then again, you sang it.

isitacrimetobesleepy

This is what happens
When I eat too much.

A stomach ache,
And a swollen abdomen.

I look like I'm five months pregnant...

Threat?
More like a challenge.

I know what I said, but...
I don't know if I can make it.

Never again will I stay away.

I've always felt lost. Unaccepted.
But that was before I had a family.
I have so many people that I know and don't;
You are my family.

My mother, my father, my brother.
They aren't real.
They never treated me like family.
Never told me they loved me and
Sounded like they meant it.
They are not real.


But, Sage, my love, you are.
But, Caitlyn, you are.
But, Logan, you are. (Both of you)
But, Miranda, you are.
But, Connor, you are.
And I can go on.

And this is high school...
Will it last?

Or will my family leave me?

I continue to worry
As time passes.

I think and think and think
AND I CAN'T FUCKINGNG TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!!!
----


I wonder what will happen.
When all of this ends.
Because my real family are
The ones who kept me here
And kept me sane.

And let me reach past everything that
Ate at me,
Burned me,
Killed me slowly
And rotted me from the inside out.

What will happen.

Will I move on,
Or will the suspense keep building.

onlyyoucanmakemeburn