Emotionless
Thoughtless
Wandering aimlessly
I cannot see
I merely weep my pain
Shoving it onto others
While my hurt is only ever
Skin deep

The corruption is growing
Morphing and changing
Devouring your soul
And your body with it.

The corruption is ripping
Tearing and broken
Like the world it inhabits
It cannot survive alone

The corruption is feeding
Engulfing the powerful
Burning the weak
Tainting the children

The corruption is here
Inside of your mind
Through broken beliefs
It torches your world

A lingering scent
Never permanent
Is meaningless.
A mere shadow of the memories
It may bring about
Burying your face into a scent
Gives no presence nor relief
Increases longing and nothing else
The smell of a love
The smell of a hate
It all fades
And it is nothing but a scent
Without mass
Without meaning.

So it seems that
The popular opinion
Is that not being desensitized is some flaw.
That when pressured to see things I hate I should just
Be quiet?
And that I should be reminded constantly that I am a terrible person
Because I am sensitive.
"It's just a movie."
...
So?
It's not my fault it makes me feel horrible inside!
I want to participate
But if I say how I feel honestly, I get
"Of course."
"You're always like this!"
I know I am
I don't try to.
"You're always against everything,"
I'm sorry for my views.
That's who I am.
But I can try to change, if it's what you really want.
...
Sorry.

One of these days
I won't be able to contain my feelings.
And I'll finally tell you off.

I hate to insult my own mother
But I'm afraid this must be
Dealt with.
I feel angry at you most of the time now
But you said something yesterday
An offhand remark
"Thank God I'm not married."
Don't you dare.
Don't you dare make it sound like
God is on your side in not being married
Tearing our family apart
Breaking us all.
Do you know what dad said?
About you not going to counseling?
You don't think he's worth fighting for.
You don't think our happiness and peace are
Worth fighting for.
I promise you
God is not on your side in this.
He never could be.
Not my God.

I lay in my bed
Alone, it is not my choice.
It never is.
But I am content.  
That day will come.
And tonight, I lay alone.
But I am not lonely
No, never.
My thoughts and dreams swirling in my head
Mixing together
Creating their fiendish offspring
Was that a noise?
No, it was a demon.
I catch my breath
Curse my imagination
I prefer not to think of demons
But the angel bestowed upon me
Who, in my mind, joins me this night.
In our dreams, maybe so
But your warmth I now lack
Your soft whimpers in sleep
How you unconsciously hold me tighter.
My love
I will have you someday
But tonight, the only you I have
Is a thought.
Fading as I settle into the void
My last thought before sleep
*Someday soon.