Being with you
Around you
Near you
Has become normal
It feels so right
So natural
That I think this may be
How it should be.

I will stand defiant
I will fight
I will never accept
A world that encourages
Celebrates
My self-destruction.

This world
I am not of it.
That is my decision.

I am usually
Pretty stupid.
I don't do it intentionally.
But it happens a lot.
So please forgive me my idiocy.

Yesterday
Something happened.
I don't think it was bad.
In fact,
I'm sure it wasn't.
After all
It improved your mood.
Made you happier.
Jovial.
I don't know what to think
But heck.
It's cool.

I read your words
Combinations of
Combinations of words
Combined
In a way that is uniquely
Yours.
I find it awe-inspiring
Truly.
You make me want to
Cry.
When I hear your feelings
Expressed so beautifully.
Your worries
So sincere.
It makes me worry
Which makes me stop worrying
Because it shows me that I
Still care.

It still startles me
To have an enemy who hates
So completely.
You start to drift back to where you could be
Should be
Want to be
Are loved
Are accepted
And this enemy takes over
Because he knows that if you overcome
You will challenge him to the fullest.
He hates you
And he should
He should fear you
Hate you
He wants you dead
Absolute
Unconditional
Unending
Hate.
He wants you to feel cold
To feel alone
To feel hated.
He makes you run as far as you can
From love
And into his hateful arms.
Because your pain
Is his only true joy.

I have never been close to
Anyone.
I have never thought of others
As being as intricate as me.
I felt a distance
Though I never noticed it
Until now.
I feel different with you
Especially when I think about
Our fights.
It seems like my problem is that
At least in the beginning
I didn't see you as another
Consciousness.
I merely saw you as a
Person I was fond of.
And I now realize
That this is how I see people in general.
Does that make me partially a
Sociopath?
I'm not sure.
But that's how it is.
And I'm sure I would still see you the same
As everyone else
If I didn't want to know you
To love you
So **** well.
In fact, I may have left a door open
To this solitary confinement of
My psyche.
And you pushed it open
Giving me extreme feelings that I don't
Understand.
I never will understand.
But I'll try.
Because you are not an
NPC
You are complete
Like me.
Like every person I don't understand.
You too are battered
Bruised
Scarred by things that I will never have to take.
Experienced in life
In love
In hate
In pain
In loss
In joy
In everything.
But not the same as me
But somehow
not different...