Sitting at a crossroad with decisions to be made, that conflicted feeling is one of the worst mindsets. A debate with yourself is the most pointless thing on earth. No matter how vast the victory, the defeat is also resting on your shoulders. So then, the question still stands. Which path will you travel? What turn do you take? Who is it that you really are, because if you don’t know, who will?

I have mixed feelings about you

Sometimes you make me smile

I want to curl up and watch a movie and just relive how uncomplicated everything used to be

But thinking about you makes me sad

I remember how we said goodbye and really meant it this time

I wonder if we will ever get that second chance

have you ever had someone in your life who shouldn't be?

all they do is cause you pain and endless heartache but you can't seem to say fairwell.

the time and energy spent on someone who doesn't care you exists could be used to build up your nonexistent self esteem.

what does that say about your personality?

caring about someone who doesn't give a ****?

is it inspired and kind or just utterly stupid?

I don't clearly remember the day I stopped caring about the small things.

I'm not sure when I stopped showing that stupid smile.

Or when that unconditional happiness changed to limited happiness.

No one can possibly pinpoint the exact moment when they become unhappy because it isn't just a feeling, it's a process.

The days adding makes the change more and more drastic.

The basic things start to become less basic.

I end up losing hope.

what's the point in trying if you're already dying*

I heard someone once say that 100% of non smokers die too.

It got me thinking, why should I go out of my way to make others happy when it makes me sad.

I try to help others when I can't help myself. The hypocrisy of my life is a crying shame.

I can't handle faking anymore, but no one wants the real me.

I was once told in order to be loved you have to love yourself I guess inspirational quotes are supposed to motivate you but that one make me wonder.

What if you don't?

I feel like there has to be someone willing to stick with you through anything.

That might just be my feeble attempt at hope, but things have to look up right?

It's sad how much one person can affect your life.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes that can be positive but not always.

I can't begin to express the distain for the hold I allow people to have on my life.

I need to start living my own life.

The question is how do I start?

my mind often wanders to a time when my thoughts weren't tainted with suicidal thoughts
before I made that first cut
before my world came crashing down
back when I was still me
now I am no one
a sad stranger wondering but forever lost
hoping to find my way back
back to a place where things made sense
back to a place filled with hope
back to a place filled with love
back to a place where I shined brightly
instead of where my light strains to flicker
to fight to keep from dying out
there is no going back to the way things were
but maybe there is a better tomorrow
one filled with acceptance
and love
and hope
for even me...

the mundane tasks set from day to day have been put in a never changing rhythm

the boringness and nothingness has overtaken everything

the depressing stupor that this life has set into has left me drifting through the motions

I utterly hate those days where you try so hard to pretend everything is ok but nothing really is.

I haven't decided which is worse...

When everyone can tell but no one cares,

Or when no one knows and you have to pretend that much more.

Either way it reinforces why I like my isolation.

The darkness that surrounds me isn't always bad.

Sometimes it is the light that will blind you.

We're all going to die someday so nothing we do matters. Why fight to preserve life when we know its going to end someday.

sometimes I wonder what is worse...
saying goodbye
or leaving it to fate
so many goodbyes have been left unsaid
all of the what ifs hang in the air
but on the other hand so many goodbyes end it all
the faded promises of yesterday hang in the air
but none of that matters
because goodbyes end it all
so the hope of fate is all that's left

I never understood people who said the first cut is the worst.

That is back when you think it will help.

The ones after that signify the fact that that hope is so far gone.

The fact that nothing changes but I still continue for a temporary fix is worse.

The psyche behind my "logic" would lead you to reason that I am rapidly deteriorating into a mass of nothing.

My last shed of hope has disappeared.

music on world off

that statement couldn't be more true

i personally believe the person who said music is universal is an idiot

if i listen to the lyrics *can i still get into heaven if i **** myself i would understand the meaning behind the question

other people can hear and "get" lyrics, but not completely comprehend them

that's why to me music is a savior i know it's tough but don't give up shows you people understand

that is how music connects people

but not everyone will connect to the same things

that's why music is my life