Spin me 'round
Spin me 'round
and spin me 'round again
Spin me 'till I am dizzy
                  and
too confused to see the door

Waste my life
Hurt my friends
Wait!
What friends?

Oh, spin me 'round
Spin me 'round some more.

Paper is my liberation
Ink is my weapon
Men are my poison

I am often wrong
always wrong
and always sure I will be.

A beautiful mess.

Lonely at the top?
I would not know.

Always in line.
I wait.
I wait for nothing and no one.

Nice dream.
White horse in a meadow.

Nice dream,
The ocean crashing to shore.

My reality,
he took my sweet dreams away.

Nice dream,
He is dead.

The things they say to describe me

Beautiful
Stunning
Sweet
Funny
Cute
Smart
Good
Wild
Strong
Se­xy
and more..

Their words from their mouths and yet it is not enough.

Because, passion, laughter, and adventure is meh.
Loyalty, friendship, trust, and a ready ear isn't so important.

I AM all these things.
I am made of soft skin, obscene curves, a true smile, and empathy.

And, yet never enough for these fools.

We desperately tried to cram forever into a couple of hidden days.
I was so busy soaking him in that I rarely asked why we had to.

It was always about the count down.
The count to when he was near. How many states we had between.
The weeks, days, hours, minutes...until we connected. Then the pull.
The impatient drag to a quiet place.
The mad rush to crush flesh against flesh.
And. Then the timer until he was gone would start.
Making every look. Every creased smile, every finger trail down tight flesh and each and every one of his sweet sighs of pleasure one of the last.

Even our very first kiss was one of our last.


We were doomed to end .
I didn't want to face we had expiration because he swore we were meant to be.
Even now after so much pain.

He felt the same.
He said so in his lingering touch, his hesitation to let go.
His soft brown eyes always lingered on my face taking the mental pictures he would need to survive the distance between us he created.
The words he wanted to say always hung in the air but they were never spoken.
Every thing else was.
He always said
I adore you. You're my best friend.

He asked for every piece of me
But, only gave pieces of his world to me.

But. Did he say "Stay." ?
Stay by his side.
In his bed.
In his world.
He never did.
He asked for every piece of me
But, only gave pieces to me.

And, so I had to walk away.

We shared a home.
We shared shame.

I gave you love.
You gave me the gift of never trusting a man again.

You wanted my body.
I wanted you dead.

One night I held a knife as you crept in.
I couldn't do it.
I could now.

The next morning we had breakfast together.
The days went by.
The weeks.

And, then you took your opportunity when I was most vulnerable.
I woke to the invasion.
Sick. Medicated.
And, I did nothing.
I watched the fan blades spin.

You apologized.
You aren't forgiven.

I was a child.
Your child.

Hang your head in shame alone because I feel it no longer.
I did nothing but survive.

I wont be silent.
Never again.

Pretty flowers.
A silver ring.
Lovely words sang for all to hear.

They do not matter without you.
All I ever wanted was morning.
All it took was a thumbs caress.

I can reach out and touch the pretty flowers you sent
but they do not touch me back.