We desperately tried to cram forever into a couple of hidden days.
I was so busy soaking him in that I rarely asked why we had to.

It was always about the count down.
The count to when he was near. How many states we had between.
The weeks, days, hours, minutes...until we connected. Then the pull.
The impatient drag to a quiet place.
The mad rush to crush flesh against flesh.
And. Then the timer until he was gone would start.
Making every look. Every creased smile, every finger trail down tight flesh and each and every one of his sweet sighs of pleasure one of the last.

Even our very first kiss was one of our last.


We were doomed to end .
I didn't want to face we had expiration because he swore we were meant to be.
Even now after so much pain.

He felt the same.
He said so in his lingering touch, his hesitation to let go.
His soft brown eyes always lingered on my face taking the mental pictures he would need to survive the distance between us he created.
The words he wanted to say always hung in the air but they were never spoken.
Every thing else was.
He always said
I adore you. You're my best friend.

He asked for every piece of me
But, only gave pieces of his world to me.

But. Did he say "Stay." ?
Stay by his side.
In his bed.
In his world.
He never did.
He asked for every piece of me
But, only gave pieces to me.

And, so I had to walk away.