i seek the pleasure in pain
?
society gives me a shot of morphine

i cant even feel pain?

~

(
cant feel life

hurt me if it makes you happy
i feel nothing
)

The only warmth i feel is from my blanket

A chaotic mix of flesh and consiousness is what I am
A well balanced routine of procrastination and stressing out later is my life
A mixture of sob and snoring is my sleep
Painful and barely bareable is the pressure
And insecure but narcissistic is my personality
Thats me, ig? What about you

"Im gonna **** myself"

I posted on Instagram

People liked it

You dont cry because youre sad
You cry because you regret
You cry because you refuse to accept

Tears are the only thing that understand you

So dont fight sadness
Embrace it

Be a person who unlights passion
And builds broken dreams
Wake up sleeping
Celebrate the dying
Mourn the living

Pay tribute to the disused

Tears drop

Pull the skin off my bones
Only to find Im empty inside

No wonder tears echo inside me

i never dated anyone
but why do I want to write bad love poems
oh to get views ofc

Everywhere that I see
Are people filled with glee
But "balance is the key"
So the sorrows, they come to me

Im not a poet,
Im just a depressed teenger.
Ill run around the circuit
Until my sweat becomes my armor.

Dont expect much from me,
Im just a socially awkward wreck
The worst card in the deck
Only be remembered as a speck

My ideas are so cliché
That theyve become irrelevant
I always give up midway
And leave myself less confident

But until I find my purpose,
Im just a depressed teenager,
A voiceless individual,
A worthless entity.

Maybe turning the lights off
Will make me feel better
Since I wont be able too see
The monster that I’ve become

Not to be stuck in the past
But nor to forget your past

My pillow is the only thing that lets me rest my head on
(And I think Im in love with it)

whenever life gets a little tight
with all the rounds that i fight
i just look up into the night
and keep waiting for the light

i tried writing something bright
but it just didn’t feel that right
the darkness decides what I write
but don’t worry, it’ll be alright

Your voice pierces through my eardrums
But it is not a sound that my brain welcomes
So I censor these distant vibrations
And walk on right past all of your questions

i came to you like an amazon package
yet you took all the love
and discarded the empty box it came in

So take out your pills
and face your final burden
30 should be enough
to get you to heaven

not every drop of blood
flowing through my body
is as clean
as the water inside the sea

inside all our vessels
flows bad blood
but coming together
we can all flow along

we could be one
just like how all the seas
is just one big pool
made from small droplets

my words speak my language
and my world revolves around my wreckage

your breath smells guilty
and after all that you have done

i shouldn’t be surprised, really
even after you have gone

youve patched up your mistakes pretty badly
but most importantly
i wont be calling you baby
for the rest of this reality

Never allow your tears
To become a full stop to your emotions

Let them be commas
Flowing as your heart wishes

You are not suddenly fine
After crying for five hours

Let the teardrops
-Roll-
Off of your cheeks

They’ll wash your pain away

And leave behind
Open spots
For happiness to settle in

my poems
feed off of lost sleep
and slowing heartbeats

but when the mosters
hiding in the dark at night
won’t let me sleep

my poems
are what keeps me
from being overrun with fear

im here for a good time
but im not having a good time
oh well
i guess ill just stay here for a long time

Raindrops are falling
But my eyes are dry as my throat
The next time you drain me dear
Leave me a few raindrops to cry

Touche, tears confront fear
But fear makes the rain drop

Lightning bolts in your hair
Flames out your mouth
Shooting star in your eyes

You look great
Whoever it is you are

You look great in my mirror
You look great in my eyes

When Im down
And fading like a flower withering away
Someone will shed tear for me

You dont hesitate when you hurt me
But why am I so hesitant to fight back

why is life worth living
why does everyone scramble to keep alive
i feel like a leftover
maybe thats why ive discarded myself
refusing to live is a disorder apparently
help me find order in the chaos

ill never be good enough for the life given to me

Released to be discovered

To be found in whole or not
An entirely new question

Living whole, dead partly
All my organs have blood gushing through them
But some of them feel absent

I enjoy being resuscitated
Bring me back to life when Im dead

Let air in my lungs
And sunshine on my skin

I know Im alive
I just cant wait to live again

i fell again
after thinking i’d hit rock bottom

my mind, a relic from better times

it still dreams


occasionally i see the sky

and the sunlight punches me in the gut
every time it sees me

and the wind kicks me around
with the raindrops
like boulders hurled over my head


its all quiet
down this bottomless pit
with every scream
falling alongside you

i fell again,
thinking i was at rock bottom

yet everytime i fall, my screams scream right back at me

weve been trained to have an algorithmic response to anything that occurs to us so that its politically correct and socially not awkward, we have been basically brainwashed to like what society decides it likes and they have a neat name for it: trend. You gotta like it or your social life will probably decline and end up in ruins, maybe not, but probably. Show an appropriate amount of empathy, too much or too little, youre all of a sudden this rude psychotic idiot. Dont try to fit me into a standard and assume that you can manipulate me into acting like everyone else, cos in fact, I am and I refuse to be like the others, we all have a right to be unique and different right? Diversity is key to a society, remember that.

They’ll keep telling you
That its your final chapter

But you know it inside
That you can do it better

If you light up everything
Backgrounds don’t really matter

So be the candle in this run-down world
And help everyone see clearer

I radiate loneliness
And shine alone, brilliantly
I sightsee galaxies
And glare at stardust
Sometimes I turn off the lights
Dream through the bleak night

Forever I travel this endless horizon

you know how,
some day
our hearts will stop beating
finishing our journey to see the ending?

you are dying
constantly
every second you live
and there is a mysterious beauty
in the sense that
living is just a process of dying

sure, maybe we are never truly dead
but if thats the case,
we were never truly alive in the first place

these are not words to mourn
my dying insides

but rather
a tribute

to the beauty of never truly being alive
and living while dying at the same time

I charged myself up
Just for you to drain me
You seemed to ignore my sincerity
And dismissed my efforts
You walked all over my dignity
I felt pain in every ******* step

There were times when I used to spark your light
Now that the room is dark, it must mean that its time to let me go
You drank up all of my energy
Now I feel so powerless

Breathe slowly
Even when you feel pressure
Live with confidence
I know that you’ll make it
Endure the pain
Venture forward
Everyone is waiting for you

Inhale, then exhale
No need to rush

Young man, don’t give up on yourself
Open your eyes and look into the mirror
Unfinished, aren’t you?
Realize your potential
See the possibilities
Every day is a new opportunity
Leave behind the past
Future awaits you

An infinitely empty feeling overwhelms me sometimes
voids me of all emotions, numbs the senses
I hide away in my vacuum-sealed cage
each howl echoing inside my hollow mind

A man stands in the shattered mirror,
every broken peice telling a different story

Isn't it wonderful
how all these fragments
blow life into the picture?

maybe it isn't the mirror thats cracked
maybe its the man that can't be whole

hurt and ignored, i was barely living
i guess i stopped looking for myself at some point
no longer able to cope
i started to tear myself apart, piece by piece
my memories, just a momento of who i used to be

The sun washes the sky red
And smiles sneak onto everyone's faces

The trees get coated in rainbow lights
And the sound of laughter won't stop

The skies turn grey
And throws snowballs at you-
Just like how you used to play,
back in your younger years.

The sound of overused carols,
The sound of singing choir,
The sound of happy families-
The sounds of Christmas.

Soon the ground has turned white,
And the fireplaces get lit
Smoke starts to puff out of chimneys,
And the chestnut starts roasting

The sky is now dark
And the wind has left me cold
Still, all these people
Are willing to share their hearts

Im alright, dont worry

Isnt it wonderful
How distance amplifies motion

Youll never know
With your head stuck in the spotlight
How all the small entities
Blow life into the picture

there are two types of memories;
ones written with pencil
and ones written with pen

the nothing memories get written in pencil.
they eventually fade away,
get rubbed out with erasers,
get overwritten
or just simply forgotten.

then there are the important memories
written in various colored ink
they can't simply be rubbed out
and they can't just be forgotten

the pencil memories
don't matter to you so much,
if at all.

the pen memories,
hurt you when you think about them
or reminds you of the good days

they leave a scuff
a dent
a mark on your soul
and they remind you of what you live for.

There are two ways of remembering
Some get written down in pencil
While others get written in pen

The memories written in pen matters to you
It might be a fun trip
Or an embarrassing messup

You write down your most valued memories in pen
They last for ages for you to look back at them

The memories written in pencil doesnt matter to you as much
Might be just another day at work
Or a fantastic dream that you only seem to remember for a split second

You can erase pencil memories at will
But pen memories last

They come back to give you a valuable lesson
And make the person that you are today