Never ever
has
anything
been so beyond
my reach
I know less now
than I did
15 years ago
back when this
unspeakable
horror
         happened
still grasping
for reasons
that elude even the
fiber
of an understanding
who ,what and why
reverberates through me
on repeat
    while sorting
dusty piles of pictures
                 from a life
that seems like a foreign film
a naïve version of myself
cameo moments
captured within
assorted snaps
your smile
profiled
many times  over
these are the  memories
I try to press into my
deepest mind
instead of  the weight
of ashes
that buckled my knees
in  a sleek
Cherry wood  
     box
I gave
to your brothers
to keep