Spilled tea and shaky hands The silent chill spread throughout your body like lightning The static feeling in your arms while you watch your partner fall asleep on you Binge watching bad tv shows on a Sunday The gut feeling that tells you to run The friend that tells you to go for it Mental breakdowns on the kitchen floor An almost lover
They say "to live is to love" but if you've ever carried the weight of another broken soul, you already know that.
I remember so vividly the night you held me in your arms as I cried about everything and nothing, I swear I can still hear you promise me you weren't going anywhere, you'll always be right here.
I can still see the look on your face only six months later when you told me that you didn't love me anymore, twisted and sad and so exhausted. I could feel my heart breaking as you added "I'm not sure I ever really did" but all I could do was stare at the dark circles that created a crater under each of your soft blue eyes. I wanted to dive into them and hide in you.
You told me you couldn't breathe anymore, that it was hard enough to carry yourself, that you weren't strong enough to save me, too.
I suppose the only difference between loving someone and living for someone is just one letter.
I told you about all the times I moved growing up, counted on fingers that held so many hands, I danced around with the idea of moving into you, building my walls around our hearts and putting a roof over our souls. I guess it didn't matter to me that our foundation was a little wobbly or that I knew an eviction was coming, I wanted to believe that we would build a house that would last. but you were a trap not a home, and I was packing my bags but I couldn't get out in time so I watched as the walls I built around you and I came crashing down on me.
You told me you could make a house into a home and I believed I could turn a cage into a life.
Do I love you or am I lonely? Perhaps a little of both? I think I was a little lonely when I decided to love you and then when I loved you I felt more alone than I'd ever been. Why don't I just leave? Oh I don't know. I don't think I could survive another fall.
What a bitter end it is to sit across from your lover and feel nothing but rage, knowing the feeling is mutual. You still mutter "I love you" and make out under city lights and hold hands as you walk but someone always squeezes a little too hard or bites a little aggressively or is a little too snappy to believe there's anything left. It's all a game and neither of us want to lose. Going down in flames is so much more satisfying than fading away.
I knew from the very first moment that you would break my heart. It was part of your charm, I thought I was ready to be broken again, mostly because I thought you would put me back together after. I should have known that people like you come in like a hurricane, leaving everything in ditty ruins.
I cant keep loving you because you tell me that you couldn't live without me and for a while I thought it was cute and romantic and flattering but now I realize that you have been asking me to carry us both and to save you from yourself but we both know I'm weak and tired and I could barely breathe on my own let alone for the both of us but I think you also know that I'd use my dying breath to give you CPR