Washed away by the waves of the vast sea,
I cannot help but to go with it, after all it’s only me.
In this world filled with life, an uncomfortable truth.
We cry in silent desperation, a different kind of youth.

We’re all self-aware, we see you standing there.
Nothing really matters if you never really care.
You want to have your peace, all your security.
You’d stay inside warm, while other people freeze.

So take a look around, what is it you're about?
Do you find you stand for nothing? You’re on falling ground.
So look outside, I dare you to look me in the eye.
Tell me with all your conviction that you’re really right

If hope is for the naïve, hold on to naivety.
If you really want to change something, you’ve got to believe.
But instead I see you there, so fine without a care.
You’re never going to change nothing a blank television stare

Ever since you told me
"I've been losing sleep"
I just want you to know
I've prayed for rainstorms twice a week

And I know you never listen
And I know you won't care
And I know you don't believe in love
And probably never will

I know you never listen
Please tell me that you're listening
I've loved you just enough for this to end up in a tragedy.

But I can't help but wonder
If there's anything else there
Besides a girl with a broken heart
And a head full of despair

And if she wants someone to save her
If she wants someone to care
Then she can always come to me
Cause I'll always be there

Her eyes told me a story
Of lost faith and deception
But she could calmly tell me
It was a common misconception

And she said it didn't matter
It was her body he was after
You see, attention is attention
And she never got it from her daddy

Oh god we've heard it all before
We look just fine, hearts are worn
Oh god we've heard it all before
We look just fine, our lives are torn

His eyes tell me a story
Of losing love and failure
He says he's doing fine and
That he can't be any better

But I think that he's crashing
And he is void of passion
You know compassion's not compassion
If it's only trend or fashion

I'm a drop out, working full-time
But I never had a doubt that you would save me
You never saved me, now I'm worn out

Of this empty town, of this tired frown
Oh, please forgive me

So I'm shouting from rooftops, and at the top of my lungs
And bottom of my heart, "Get it up, get it up, get it up
Don't let me down"

So I'm shouting from rooftops
But no one seems to hear
No body ever cares
So what, we all fall apart
At the top of my lungs
From the bottom of my heart
But not even echoes respond

Working nights now, sleeping all of the day
Laugh myself to bitterness, can I sleep myself to death yet?

You torture my brain, driving me so insane
But you can't do this to me.

We walk
Down the
Sidewalk until
The concrete
Runs out

We both want to point fingers. We refuse to take blame. We adamantly deny it. And in this sense, we are both the same.

But there are motions in our sickness
   (Or rather sickness in our motions)
Indecent murmurs of our shame
But the murmurs stay just murmurs so we can play our little game.

Of facade.
Of charade.
Of telephone lines.
Razor blades.

Emotion.
Commotion.

What pain can a death bring?
I'm not talking about life
Or those petty little heartbeats.

But rather when some one leaves us.
Breaks our trust and betrays us.
Shatters faith. Destroys heart strings.

Is it enough to bother?
I am smothered.

I am dying a death, supernatural.

I'm drowning in self doubt.
I'm choking on ashes.

If anger is a demon then hatred is another.
They tear at my rib cage. Shredding my insides.
They rip out my heart, replace it with nothing.

I  am nothing.
And nothing is I.

You know:

I started reading about self harm.

And I found that it was the only thing that broke my heart- my scarred and bruised heart was finally broken.

My heart swelled and gushed and broke for you.

And all those gashes.

How the skin swelled. Blood gushed.

How you broke.

And especially how you would lie. And say you're fine. Until your depression forced the truth from your lips.

And I remember all those bracelets. All those things to hide your wrists. And how TWLOHA was seemingly permanently engrained on your arms.

And I remember thanking God that it wasn't from a blade dug into your skin. And how it was funny and ironic because I didn't believe in Him then.

But I kept your secret for all these years. And I hope you're doing better.

I pray that you are.

And if you aren't..?
    Well, I guess you'd never tell me.

Not anymore.


And you see:

That's why I'm bitter. Why I'm angry. Why I'm hurt.

Just tell me honestly that you're fine and don't you dare tell me a lie.

Cause I was there.

And I remember.

And I still think about it all the time.


And believe me when I say that it has consumed me.

It affects the way I write.
And what I say.
And how I meant it.

It's about the only thing I write.

Words like: scars. Wrists. Etched. Carved.

See. I'm a liar if I say I still don't think about you all the time.

I'm growing bored of your complaints and all your narcissistic *******
About your plans and why they falter and why these guys just do not love you
And ain't it tiresome to keep on talking when you know not a soul is listening?
But you still blather on and on about the same old tired **** you used to

You're still pretentious and annoying with all your petty blabber
About the he said/she said nonsense and how you think it really matters
And all your endless ******* questions but you don't really want an answer
You're just crying for attention but you'll be prying here forever

No view from my window.
The clouds blanket the night sky.
Color me shades of gray.
The steam rises up
from the asphalt of the streets.
Beckoning me not to stay.
A distant rumble.
Lightening cracks over my head.
Thunder breaks as if to say.
'You're down for the moment.
Begging the silence.
But just get up today.'

She said 'I know there's a riot
going on up in your head,
but there doesn't have to be.'
She said, "You've been distant.
A little resistant.
But just come back to me.'

She's still waiting.
'I'm still fading.'
'So hold me now.'
'Have no regrets.'
'Don't let me down.'

I see her smile for the first time in so many days.
I think she thinks that I can be saved.
From myself, from what's left in my head.
She's saying sleep, but I stay awake instead.
This helplessness advances and there's no second chances.
I'm left here by myself.
She sits patiently.
She promised she'd wait for me.
She hasn't left me yet.