I don't want to lie to you no more,
I'm sick.
I have a few months to live.
Maybe less.
I feel it in my chest,
My pain,
My battles.
Arguing makes the pain stronger,
And don't hate me when I say,
I do it for I can die faster.
Y'all don't know the truth.
See my smiles,
But it's for them,
Not for me.
I don't want to be here,
God taking me slowly,
there just too blind to see it.

Going through this sudden tragic alone,
Losing my rose petals,
Lord my stomach hurts.
No one to run too,
Nobody seems to care.
Why am I really here.
All I do is tear.
I no longer want to be here,
I feel it.
The end for me is near.

If i told you that he tried to touch me,
Would you trust me?
If I told you who it was,
Would you stay calm,
Not want to find him
And just hug me?
If I told you he held me against my life
With bullets through my head,
When you still tell me that you love me?
If I told you I screamed your name in fear,
Hoping that you would appear,
Would you not feel helpless,
And not tell me you're sorry,
When you whisper in my ears.
If I told you I kept this a secret,
Can you not hate me,
And not ask me why did I keep it?
..
If I told you I have scars below my rose,
Can you not ask to see it?
If I told you I didn't need you,
Can you not leave me

Stomach in pain,
He rubbing it,
So my body can feel okay.
They said it'll be like this for a few days.
Finding comfort on his shoulder,
That's where I use to lay,
He knows my body aching,
So he reminds me that it'll be okay,
Remember the doctors said just a few days.

Had a miscarriage.
There's no replacing you.
my rose petals.

Lord my petals.
Lord my petals.

Why you had to take them from me.
Devil wasn't ready,
But mommy was.

Lord why you had to **** me.
That burning sensation when I laid that night,

You destroyed my petals,
Lord that was in me..

But if I lied,
Said it was fine,
We'll be alright,

I'll eventually get over it,
Wouldn't I?
How could I..

My body hurts lord.
Why you had to do this.
I wasn't ready,
You made that decision for me..

And that's why,
I could never say I'm sorry.
My rose petals.

Tonight I write my wrongs.
Let someone who didn't love me,
Destroy me mentally and emotionally.
I ran to another that one night,
I needed love.
I needed to feel like everything was okay.
Like somebody cared for me.
That night I laid there in silence,
What's done is done.
Going to ****** for pleasure,
Trying to find something that was close to feeling like what I felt for you.
You.
You destroyed me into pieces,
And I ask myself why can't I forget you.
When you no longer need me,
Lord this man doesn't even love me.
Lord why Did i make this mistake,
Lord why are you punishing me.
I'm vulnerable,
And he knows how to speak,
When I am feeling weak,
The only man I've ever went too,
Because his love went through me like quick sand.
Lord my petals that were grewing in me,
are dying
Because I forgot to love it,
Lord my body is changing because of it.
Lord I slept with this man,
Whom I know isn't the man I want to be with,
But rather feel as if he loves me,
Knowing he only loves me
When his devils horns reach in me.
Lord why are you guiding me into the direction that I know will make me suffer.
God why aren't you showing the signs that I need,
For me to move forward.
Lord why are you letting me pretend as if I am strong,
When you know I am weak.
God hear me.
Lord please **** me.

He got up in me,
With no feelings,
Like a demon.
But I loved the devil.

I laid on his chest,
That was rotten with poison,
That filled up his veins.
As I listened to his heartbeat,
I was feeling so ashamed.
Here I am,
Falling in love again.
This time I knew the games,
That he played,
Yet I told myself just stay.
And there I laid.
Filling my body with poison.
He caused more pain,
What might be growing inside of me,
My screams tried to tell him.
Why I wanted to stay.
But yet he let me rot,
Self destruct,
You little mutt.
Oh how much I hate you,
But this living thing inside of me,
Won't let me replace you,
As I laid one more finale time,
What was once my favorite spot too be,
Let your venom **** me.
Your child growing inside of
Me..

God knows what I need to do,
But am I ready?
Is it simply that easy?
It feels like it.
Decisions I should be making for my own happiness,
But am I already happy?
God please tell me why you keep doing this too me?
Am I failing you?
I know my well being isn't at the greatest point in my life,
But lord please tell me that you know that I am trying!
Please tell me that you see me try to shove down these meals,
That my body no longer wants to eat.
You cannot tell me that you don't see me,
Waking everyday with knifes in my back,
That I forgot to take out at night,
Lord please tell me this is the end,
Of these sleepless nights?
Please tell me this isn't what I need to do,
And I know it feels right,
But please don't make me do it.
I am fighting everyday,
I know you hear me scream at night!
The minute they pronounce me as
"Cancer Patient",
God you knew,
This was going to be done.
Is that why you were preparing me?
All these years of suffering and aching,
Is that why when I sleep, I can't lay on my chest through the night?
Is that why you kept hurting me lord?
Please tell me is that why?
I feel it.
You know I do feel this pain,
In between my chest,
I feel it sometimes,
But lord I feel it.
Am I not good enough?
Why didn't the times I wanted to be gone,
Work?
Why all of a sudden,
This pain is coming back,
I never get a break,
I am cursed.
God, please hear me.
Is this what I need to do?
Do I hold his hand, and never let him go?
Or do I walk away, and let him find a true love?
Lord please hear me,
I cannot take this anymore.
Make me feel beautiful,
I just want to be loved.
Lord hear me.
Why don't you love me ...