I still feel the pain, inside of my heart.
scared of getting hurt once again,
why is it coming back?
why am I crying,
god is it me?
is my heart really allowing me to love this great man,
that I have?
reassuring me,
when I'm feeling low.
"Baby I'm yours"
but is he really?
is he really not like the last man,
I gave myself all too.
Is he worth giving my heart too,
giving my body too?
if I'm feeling like this, is for a reason..
yes?
no?
or maybe I am just overthinking.
but..

everytime I meet someone, they want nothing but ****** pleasure.
same words being used,
"If we have ***, than you can be my girlfriend."
is *** what blinds you males to realize that the women who wants to treat you right, has more to offer than just ***?
she is not like the rest,
yet you treat her like she is.
she's trying to find ways and reasons,
as to why you keep treating her like the women you played in the past,
you keep telling her,
that she isn't like the last,
yet you keep admiring her body, more than her mind.
not reminding her how beautiful she looks,
as she struggles everyday to find beauty in herself.
sees you look at others, as she looks at herself, and see that what you see in them,
isn't what she has,
but she's dying to want it,
and by dying,
I mean she's physically hurting herself in everyway shape and form to become like those women who you love so much,
without even having to say it in words.
she knows that *** isn't the only thing that she has to offer,
and she's trying to make it stop,
show her worth.
but knowing he wants nothing more but that,
is what makes everything worst.
its more than just ****** pleasure,
she is an angel.
yet, you continue to throw her down,
lower her self esteem,
instead of building her,
you destroy the inside of her heart,
rotten her to death, with your poison of ***.
and each and every time,
she finds herself wondering,
why cant you notice that there's more to this,
more to ***.
more to this.
more to this.
more to this.
more to ***.
***.
***.
***.
***.
***.
more.

Do I love him?
Or do I hold back, because I'm scared he'll hurt me, just like the last one.

When will it be my turn to love?
Will somebody make me think twice when I say love is nothing but a battle, and falling in love is something I shall never do?
Will somebody prove me wrong, that love is something special between two..

Wish somebody loved me.

Someone new.
No he isn't you.
he's a better you.

He only wants me until the mornings.
But is he really the one to blame?
As I am telling him that me laying in his bed,
For his satisfaction is okay.
Or maybe it's me?
Since, I can no longer sleep without being in his arms,
And waking up to his kisses.
Yes, they are no labels,
Lost in confusion, as to what we are,
And realizing you do not care..

So maybe,
It is not him that wants to stay, until the sun rise,
But rather me,
While I lay on his chest,
Not wanting him to leave,
As if it was a sarcarfice.
And yet I crave more than just this,
But never find the effort,
To find "this".

And yet I feel like his wantings are different from mine,
But yes I am okay with this,
And some days I am not.
But laying by his side,
Is something I cherish,
I can't deny.
And I know he lies,
And no he's not the right guy,
But why is it that when I am not laying by his side, until the morning sun rise,
I cannot sleep at night?
..

Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Why you laid in his bed that night,
Because it felt right?
Do you even know what that feels like?
He wanted nothing,
But a girl he can call late night,
You let him abuse you.
You let him and his army,
Go through you.
Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Did you even know him?
You felt alone,
So you went for it.
Not knowing the nightmare that it would become.
Laying, in a bed,
Being pushed down,
Slammed,
As if you are a piece of meat.
Crying out for help,
Calling the name of the only man who knew your childhood,
Knowing he is no longer here to save you.
Close your eyes,
It'll go by fast.
Words being repeated in your mind,
As you felt the strong *******,
Against them thighs,
Accusing yourself for this mistake.
And when they was done,
They left you stranded,
Clothes abandoned,
Blood on the bed sittings,
Finding strength to gather yourself,
Never once spoken,
Never once told.
Every man who comes near you,
You feel fear,
Scared of what they did to you,
This man will do the same too..

She done gave too much,
To a man who didn't love her.

I only have a few months to live anyways,
So who gives a **** if I die anyways?
Who cares about my wrong decisions in wanting to have it end shortly anyways?
Why does this have to **** me anyways?
Anyways..