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N Oct 2018
Remember when you told me you loved me and that without me you had nothing?
Well now it looks like you have nothing but a crippling sense of self-importance and a surprising lack of guilt.

Remember when you asked me to give up my future; almost all my money, my plans, my friends, all for you. You demanded it. Threatened to lock me in your room to keep me from leaving.

Remember when I would say no to something you would make me feel like the worst person on earth? As if I had personally attacked you; that I should beg for your forgiveness, for your love. Your love was conditional: do what I say, give me what I want and I will show you affection. But what I gave you was unconditional, regardless of day, or night, or every text you responded to with “k”.

Remember when you would feel bad and make me feel bad too? All those cold nights sat on cold benches with you being cold towards me. I set myself on fire to keep you mildly warm. You just watched and asked me to do more for you.

Remember every second day you mentioned the word ‘Canada’ and said how much I had hurt you by following my dreams?

Remember when you said you didn’t want to see one of my closest friends again? Or that you didn’t like my parents who welcomed you into our home with open arms and warm smiles.

Remember when you told me being *** was a sin? That I’m going to ****?

Remember when I helped you write those ******* assignments?

What did you do for me?

I remember everything I did for you; all those lies and excuses I told to my friends, my family, myself just so I could make you happy. And what did you want? More.

More ***, more time, more company, more  affection, more help, more reassurance, more ******* therapy from me.

You took all my energy, my patience, my love and what happened? You wanted more.

You see at the end of the day you didn’t love me, you loved the way I made you feel. I treated you like a god. You treated me like a *** toy, a counsellor, an emotional punching bag.  

I see you writing things now, making yourself out to be the victim of some cruel liar who betrayed your trust. I broke your heart once. You broke mine a hundred times and would have done it a hundred times more just to get what you wanted.

Life isn’t fair. Maybe you don’t deserve to feel how you do now but I didn’t deserve to go through what you put me through. Grow the **** up.

I hope you see what you did. I really don’t think you’ll ever understand.

I only see now because I have met someone who is everything you are not; loving, kind, supportive, a gentleman. I know what real love feels like now, not just the idea of it. It feels nothing like what you gave me.

You did so much damage to my self esteem. You made me feel like I had done some unimaginable horror by living my own life. But now I’m better. I realise you don’t deserve to breathe the same ******* air as me. Choke.

Move the **** on.

All you’ve got now is memories, but not true ones. Maybe I lied to you but at least I’m not lying to myself.
It’s Scorpio season so here’s to my real friends and here’s to my baby **
Julie Smith Aug 2017
Look what you made me do
I've had to **** myself and you
You called me up out of the blue
But I had to hang up and pass you through

And all because you told me you'd be mine
But it's been quite a year after all this time
And baby, I know we could still be fine
But Darling, first I'll make you wait in line

I'll wait till you beg me to answer your call
Unlike her I can deal with the fall
And the silence that chokes me like a wall
So be ready when I turn up at the ball
Written on Saturday.
Inspired by Taylor Swift's new song "Look what you made me do".
This could be the second to last poem in my Part IV.

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