Steve 1d

A fit young guy by the name of  Mike
Used to peddle a butchers bike
If you needed a tasty treat
Mike turned up with a basket of meat
If you fancied a bacon roll
Or a bowl of toad in the hole
Mike delivered round the clock
So it came as quite a shock
When he said he'd enough
And he was thinking of doing other stuff
Standing there with hands on hips
He handed in his trouser clips
I'm moving on to pastures new
And going to work for Deliveroo
The butcher's wife couldn't believe her ears
And burst out into floods of tears
"What would it take to make you stay?"
"Any price I'd gladly pay?"
The butcher was surprised at this
And said "Bridget are you taking the piss?"
But Bridget only had eyes for Mike
And the pair sped off on the butchers bike.

Steve Jun 3

A wacky wee nutter called Sue
Loved to put butter in her shoe
As she walked around
It made a squelchy sound
Sometimes she did it with glue too

Steve Jun 3

Jack and Jill
Crept up the stairs
At their auntie Claire's
Jill came down
In a floral dressing gown
And a pair of purple flairs
Jack stayed up
In the shower
For more than half an hour
When he came down
Dressed as a clown
He was a lover with flower power.

Steve Jun 3

Little Jack Horner
Was back in the corner
Nursing a swollen eye
His thumb was sore too
As it turned black and blue
While the baker baked a new pie.

Steve May 18

Daniela Duff
Was in the buff
That day the milkman came
He winked and said he liked her name
But she knew his game
He was her bit of rough
And though she thought it was a bad habit
He went at it like a rabid rabbit
Also  he gave her free milk and other dairy stuff.

The milkman's name was Ernie!
Steve Apr 30

Lisa and Sue had nothing to do
So they drank a bottle of pop
They'd bought in a funny wee shop
But it was 40% proof
And they climbed on the roof
Singing a happy song
Wearing only a thong
And that's were it all went wrong
They were taken away
And made to stay
In a cell all of their own
With nothing to wear
Except body hair
And a bar of toblerone

Steve Apr 30

Billy Blank hardly drank
And he didn't shout or swear
The apple of his mothers eye
You could take him anywhere.

Steve Feb 7

That cat on the couch
Is a terrible slouch
Sleeping half of the day
Ginger ears twitching away
Waiting for someone who'll play.

© Copyright SE February 2017

Steve Feb 6

A chicken was laying an egg
While perched on the side of a keg
The egg bounced on the floor
Then it rolled out the door
Where it cracked and out popped a leg

The egg stood up nice and tall
Recovering now from its fall
It walked round the yard
Trying to look really hard
Then it climbed up onto the wall

"That's where we sit"
Said the hens in a fit
"Well I was here first"
The little egg cursed
And that is the truth of it.

© Copyright SE February 2017

The old conundrum
Steve Feb 6

Kirsty O’Connor offered her honour
Little Tom Toffer honoured her offer
In no time at all he was quickly upon her
And all through the night he was off her and on her
As morning was dawning
In that fresh bright light
From the depths of deep sleep
Came smug smiles of delight
Ms O’Connor's honour was a goner Your Honour
While Tom Toffer never got a better offer.

© Copyright SE February 2017

From an old joke
Next page