I hope. I have this ardent hope
in my heart to die.
This life is insufferable.
He order us to be thankful,
to be happy,
because he has provided for us.
And I see it . I truly do.
But it is so hard.
This life.
Despite the comforts.
Despite the luxury.
It might be harder for others
but that does not reduce my suffering.
This life hurts.
I cannot continue on.
I desire an escape. Anything. 
Death or freedom.
Death and freedom.
Eternal distance.
If not that, then unconquerable distance.
It is hard to live a life with heavy heart.
To live one with shoulders burdened with gratitude is harder still.