Headphones.
Always something
bumping loudly
Because I hate the sound
of myself breathing.

Nothing to do with living or dying
every time I say I quit, turns out I'm lying.

Smoke a pack a day.
And add some green in.
My breaths grow more shallow
because I've gone off the deep end.

Take a rip and pass it around
Because you know what's up
when this **** goes down.

They call me an *******.
But what's wrong with wanting to be the king of the castle?
So when I step into my zone
you better not get caught.
Because you know nothing
of the battles I've fought.
Blood and tears spilled over the years.
Scars.
Stitches.
Burning bridges.
All the result
of wrong decisions.

So take a rip and pass it around.
because it picks me up,
when I'm feeling down.

These words just come into my head
and flow out through my fingertips.
I'm struggling to write it all down
in between these **** rips.
Like waves crashing
it's overwhelming.
And when your head is full
it feels like drowning.
So pass it around
and come join me in the clouds.
Get a bird's eye view
on the storm, looking down.
The thicker the clouds, the clearer the mind.
Just make sure to open your eyes
Look all around you and take it all in.
Because it isn't too long before you're drowning again.

Like a thousand nights before I'll sit here
with music in my ears.
Thinking of you, what could have been...
What should have been?
No, if it should've than it would've but it wasn't, so **** it.
But I can pretend.
I can imagine,
I can dream.  
My thoughts drift away and suddenly I'm someone else
in a land far away, living a different life.
Slowly events unfold of stories untold
and I'm lost living a life inside.
Behind my eyes I've lived hundreds of lives
with no one to judge me but myself.
Yet you're here to make another appearance.
No matter how far I run,
I just can't get away.
So, here we are again.

Another Monday comes and goes
and with it brings a new set of woes.
More ******* assignments
and papers to write
about **** that I don't care about
but I'm forced to try.

Got my graded calc test
I scored a 68.
Because I don't care about your curves
or if the line is straight.
Teach me something useful
like how to be an adult.
Don't fill my head with nonsense
That I'll never use at all.

College is a joke.
Such a cleverly crafted scheme.
To get us to throw money at them
because we "need them to succeed."
But I grow tired of the *******
and I'm sick of your games.
Just give me my degree,
and I'll be on my way.

Open up Word and start the *******.
Because I have things to say but no one’s listening.
Only me, and I hear it all too well.
Buying all the ******* my inner demons sell.
For as much as I talk to myself,
you'd think we'd be friends.
Instead I start swinging
until there's blood on my hands.
I’m at war with myself but it can’t just be me,
to look into the mirror and hate what they see.
I feel so ugly. Lost in the hopelessness.
Lungs please forgive me I’m only trying to cope with this.
If there’s a purpose to anything I’m struggling to find it.
Stop pushing your pills on me, I’ve already tried it.
The days go by but they all feel the same
When you’re stuck in the cycle, playing the same game.

A lack of motivation
No will to succeed.
I've come to a crossroads
but it's direction I need.
Which path do you take when they all seem the same?
Long winding roads fraught with sadness and pain.
Maybe stay the course and ignore the budget
because clear minds cause cloudy judgement.
Or I could put it all down and try to go clean
but then I'm stuck in my own skin forced to be me.
Synapses shooting signals constantly causing my anxiety.
I'm unstable on the edge so please tread lightly.
Because I don't know who's in charge at any given moment.
Voices in my head always screaming to get violent.
The reptile is running wild, he can't be contained.
I'm just the meat puppet while hes pulling on my strings.
Listen to your thoughts conflicting.
Realize that somethings missing.
Fall victim to the instincts that once kept you alive.
My greatest adversary is locked inside.

Lay perfectly still
and wait until the bass makes your face vibrate.
Mindfolds on in perfect darkness
feel the music start to bring you solace.
Body goes numb and with it the mind
sleep paralysis sets in try not to fight it.

Hallucinations so vivid,
a reality so lucid.
Let it overwhelm you or run the risk of losing it.
Get lost in a dream of your own design
carefully constructed behind your eyes.
Its a tall task if you want to build your own city,
Or feel the emptiness of space and experience infinity.

I was told to write to help me understand
that the emotions I'm feeling aren't out of my hands.
But now the greens all gone
from both my wallet and my lungs.
And without crutches left
I have no legs to stand on.
I've been sitting here in silence
waiting for anyone,
to see who'll start a conversation
instead of responding to one.