confliction is the only line I've ever known to tread upon.

the place where resolution sits ive never found.

I guess its at the end of this not so taught string beneath my feet

and as I look down the at the chasms below the line

secured God knows where,

the scene of my possible death changes.

but the fall is inconsequential.



death happened years ago.

this is a fight for absolution.

only Im too afraid to fall into the often rushing waters below

and too afraid to stop tredding the line

for fear of being swallowed up on hallowed ground.

I am a prisoner of my own love

a consideration long expired.

and in my one young and foolish deed I destroyed myself

and my hopes for a new and fulfilled future.

the emptyness can never be filled.

that part of hell can not be washed from me

and niether can the fool who follows my love

in fallen crumbs,

do anything but **** me further.

such is the nature of my life,

a short burst of hope and large dose of consternation.


I am afraid.

afraid of the end.

when my string runs out,

or is cut,

it is the end

and I must face

the inevitable wrath,

the karmic sin.



and the sadness of it all is that I have passed it all on

to those I have loved the most

before I even knew them

and I have just noticed the twine

wrapped around my neck.

its too tangled a knot to release

and all I can do is keep it loosened

oh if only I knew what I would be

running from and where I was running to

and the significance of the string.

I would have chosen so differently

now I choose nothing whole heartedly at all.

Oh, I had just caught a hint of you in the remnants of my broken memory thumped into me by the shape of your sign on the side of a parked car as I honed my body back to its natural and strong shape. the ritual you started.it  all came flooding back into me by the passing of the breeze over the cliffs above the place you said the words. Though I vowed to slice you away from everything, I knew our eyes locking will always be inevitable. This wasnt it. But it all came flooding back. That hunger, the need, the desire, the look of love and higher places you saw through my eyes. And how we wanted to go there. do you remember that time? it was so close only we were years too late. and Like a fool i began running. running to or from, I wasnt sure but i left and came back purely on a hope, a winged prayer only to send me back to hell and I wasnt afraid to go there. it was your sign, but it wasnt you. it was all i needed to waken my desperate wish to connect with you. Just to stay in the same place and breathe the same air. to find peace in your energy there. I was opened up like never before and forgiveness rang so loud in my ears, it was the one moment where it all could have come undone in me and be the one thing we craved; and you werent even there.

holding on to love unknown

in a world of crashing hopes

and failing dreams

we are two souls

yearning for places

in hearts we don't own.

The dawning of a new day
My day, 
My kinda tempo
My kinda heat
The truth was a loose noose hung about your necks. A careless foothold on the dire situation and my how the trip ups were a complex, spectacular mess!
One went down after the next ******* by the same lies.
A quiet kind of constricting at first,
now youre all kicking over your stools trying to clamour back on to your modest little pedistals.
 Its not as hard to watch as i thought it would be for such a God fearing woman. 
    
You have all been seen through my eyes
and are now strangers even by his own blood. 
and as he laid upon the ground to kiss my feet and lay a path to my waiting pedistal
i looked into him deeply and instead lay on the ground next to him. I gently held his hand. i whispered softly asking him to look at the stars with me
and as they twinkled i watched them reflected through his newly washed eyes and found my place again in his heart
my true home

the world can grow dark when we are weary

and the candle can seem so dim when we won't struggle to see anymore

and that fear that keeps you in your box tighltly locked

its isnt real. well, not all of it anyway

and when you stop and find yourself in a moment

choose what that moment will be

own it  form it control it. and the next one and the next

wear yourself a groove to safely traverse you way like a ****** in a dam

break those old habbits record over those old tapes

find new doors or build them and push through in every way

leave behind those that think they own your rights

walk away never looking back.

if they want you they will come find you

fill your heart with a mission

look around and find your passion

be bold

be brave

and never regret the steps you take on your way to your grave

only the ones that you didnt take

because no passion ever lived there.

where do you go when the wind blows nothing but cold?

who's face do you look for when they all turn away?

what philosophy can get you through pain

when you dont even know how it got there again?


who's to blame when it all rubs the wrong way?

what attitude do you adjust except you own?

what fight is there worth winning when none of it goes away?

the rest is not ours to change there is only so much one can do

what use is the truth when the boundaries are outside of you?


whose dark cloud has invaded my space?

who's light can I really depend on?

When to give is only a part, to take is even harder

what do you account for when nothing adds up any way?

the mood unleashes again another endless fray?


push it all in, just one more day,

the will to live must be displayed

close the door on one more pain,

it all remains the same everything is seen.

learn to live with the new damage

sit atop the pile like a frozen queen


the mantra begins


the self is sustained by the will to live

the soul is sustained by the will to love

the heart is sustained by the reminder of pain

the body is but a hostage to all that remains.


the question begs


where do you look when all else decays?


the answer refuses to say.

Trying to stay strong
But i feel so **** alone
The only way out of this steaming pond is to drain the sucker dry

Tired of swinming in my own sweat and tears
Delivering on other peoples promises that never took into account my quality or my generosity, only thier comfort in my selflessness.

I am a being like not too many others whos goodness and light has slowly been leached from my bones with no sustinance i have reached the form of a blackened stone

Heavy and compact repelling all light to the centre. This is the state of being used one phase before ashes.

Self preservation embarks on negative pressures...

better watch the **** out when this diamond comes the clarity will be blinding and the cut so clean youll barely notice

till even as a paper weight you wont find me ill be sparkling precious in anothers eyes who's smile enhances mine.