I want to see her blink
I want to feel the touch
The seaming of her skin
Hand in hand, its clutch.

The texture of her hair
Between my finger tips
Your words in my ear
The magnetism, your lips

I could make the most amazing thing in the world
And not know it
Not let anyone see it cause I think it's terrible
I could be very beautiful
But I hate my face as well as my weight and body
I could be anything I wanted
But I think I'll fail at everything so I never try
I could be a lot of things
But I am one thing
A writer and a poet
And if you don't mind me by asking,
What could you be?

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

I've added 'getting over you'
to my long list
of inevitable failures
and of all the things
I couldn't do
(like play basketball
or drive a car),
my inability
to not-love you
still haunts me
when I've forgiven
all
the rest.

I didn't find you most beautiful
after all those hours you spent
on your makeup
or shaping your lovely hair
into its tiny strands.
or the outfits you wore
that hugged your frame
so eager to catch a hungry eye
I found you most beautiful
after the makeup
was smeared or washed away
your hair a mess from the long night
and your outfits nothing but balled up fabric
strewn across the room
and all those barriers you put up
for others
came crashing down
under the weight of your smile
thats when you were the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen.

It's like broken ribs
It's excruciating, breath taking
But no one but you knows it
Not another soul can feel it

It cripples you, drains you
It takes all it can from you
And just when you think it's moved on
It stabs you yet again

As if to tell you
It's best to just give in
It likes to make you cry, weep
Your joy, it likes to take and keep

You'll want to give up
For that is its goal
It'll take your will to live
And crush it without a second glance

It's the product of too much evil
Sometimes too much love
It comes along when you want it least
For many of us, the pain may never cease