I'm in love
With a nicotine addiction.
He doesn't know.

I've fallen for someone's mind
And soul
But not the simple notion
That is love
I've fallen as a bird falls from the sky
Not as a couple falls head over heels
I've fallen as raindrops fall from the heavens
As you fall when falling asleep
The adrenaline rush as the rollercoaster descends
Is the same during our conversations
Or when I look into their soul through their eyes
I've fallen for their mentality and thoughtfulness
The outbursts of insight and ideas about the world
And how it works
The psychology of the entire population
And how everyone's individual worlds intertwine
I've fallen for a heart, soul, and mind
The way the leaves fall before snow

I have an addiction
To the touch of a skin so sweet
A gentle reminder
Of the hope that lingers in my heart
Your gaze sets my chest on fire
The flames licking the edges of my subconcious
Enough to remind me of the subtle effects of something that used to be called love
Prodding common sense with a notion of maybe this time
Maybe this won't be the devastating blow the last broken heart had
I have an addiction to the thing that makes me forget

After everything that you said to me
After all the tears that fell
The lonely days and
The nights spent wallowing in pain
After you decided to stop being a friend
Even for no reason
After everything you had already helped me through
After I tried my best to do the same
After I tried to make you see that I can submerge emotions
After trying so hard to keep you around
And after you still decided to fade out of my life as much as possible
Even so
Even after everything
You can still make me smile
Even after you've forgotten that I exist.

How do I forget
Forget the wanting and the waiting
A hope for a future with you
How do I turn off the voice
The one that tells me not to give up
That maybe one day
Someday somehow.
You drag me along
Like your little heart slave
You beat me into emotional submission
And I succumb to your gaze
Tell me
How do I forget that
And how do I forget You

I know you
But I want to know you
I want to know everything
What makes you tick
What makes you love
What makes you hate
I want to know what fuels your fire
And I want to know what calms your storm
I want to know what makes you fall
And I want to know what makes you stand strong
I want to know what makes you giggle
What makes you laugh
What makes you smile
I want to know what makes you cry
What makes you sad
What makes you sallow
I know your name
I know your mind
But I want to know your story
I want to know your heart
I want to know your soul
I know you
But I want to know you

Drifting deeper into the darkness
A despair so desperate
It's cast aside for those who dream at twilight
For those unfortunate enough to bring the concious along into the abyss
Thoughts ravaging, fueled by an unchained imagination
Set free by resting eyes
The dreary, dark, desolate subliminal, unleashed like a starved hell hound
To feast on the innocent illusions of awakened hours
To **** over peace and bring it crashing to the ground with graceless, sobbing tears

Is it possible
Soul mates without romance
Made from the same thread of a different silk
So alike in every way but not made for true love
Made for true life
A life with a friendship so real
Stronger than any bond of a chemical romance
Crafted from shared experiences
Similar emotions and dreams
Lives braided together
Made for eternity
but a love stayed chaste

The blank, ominous void seems to absorb all inspiration of the ones who just had it all
The artists with the passion to write, to draw, to paint, to create
The absorption of all colors, all wonderful ideas
The bucket runs dry and the pages sit unnervingly blank
And the creator evermore frustrated as the void inherits the soul of another creation

Why do we fall so fast
What makes the heart turn from friends to wanting more
Nothing changes on the outside, yet everything changes on the inside
The heart is just a physical part
It’s all in the mind they say
But why does it strike so deep in the chest
Breathing deepens
Heartrate quickens
and the body flushes with a heat seen nowhere else
Why do things change so rapidly
What makes the heart grow fonder when there is nothing more to love
Every time
Every new person
It’s the same thing
The same feeling, the same painful, endless cycle
What can make it stop? What will cease the useless void of longing and hope for something that could never and will never exist? Is there such a thing? Is there such a thing that exists that is no more destructive than the very thing we are trying to mask?

The human mind is so beyond complex, but to choose just one single thing to understand wholly about the human brain and its thoughts, reasoning, and comprehension, the form of falling in love would be the one.

An urban cowboy wanders his concrete jungle, unable to take his mind off of something... or rather, someone. Those thoughts and feelings, all tracing back to her; the one that he was sure was the one, right from the start. For years, he trailed in her path, trying to fix the turmoil while staying upon his own stallion.
  
    Such a simple idea, that stallion. Just a word, lost in most hearts. Gone, without a trace. But... For those, where it remains... It tortures. Torments. Causes pain, only to vanish again. It's a stallion... Unbroken, impossible to train but by the best. Cantering wildly, in the fields of the mind and the soul; causing havoc, clashing mind and heart together.

   But there's another. Waiting, drifting from shadow to shadow. Wallowing in sorrow, relying on nostalgia and fleeting glances of what it could be. Struggling with self-hatred, only to learn to hate more. Not given a second thought, no chance given to prove herself. Wanting to escape.... Fly away, free of a body, a drifting soul in the night. The only thing acting as a thread... The one person that pulls her together while tearing her apart. A paradox in such a complex feeling...

You played with the fire
Now its time
To put out the **flames.

You see right through me
Yet you refuse to see me
You look right at me
But you do not understand me
You go around me, you go through me
But you do not examine me

I am just in your way
I am just a barrier
You do not see what I am because you insist on seeing what I am not
You avoid me at all costs because its an inconvenience to you
I am in your own head
your own heart even
Yet you refuse to accept me
you go further
further than wood and nails
you reach for the brick and mortar
you build me stronger
without even acknowledging me
you dance around the surface of my being
you cover me up
you break me down
throw me out

But you rebuild me again
different materials
same understanding
same meaning
same hidden emotions and thoughts
this time
you cannot see through me
but you still do not see me

Let those who wander and weep
Whose tears always flow before sleep
Let those who suffer grief and pain
Whose minds are hollowed and turned insane
Forever find peace and love
Comfort fitted like a glove
So that all the suffering may finish
And friendships nevermore diminish.

My World
Slowly descending into chaos
Churning
Like a storm at sea
Throwing overboard all
That remains
Drenching the decks
Of hope love and faith
Scarring and abounding
Without gratuition
Falling into instant remorse
Knowing the no
But always relying on selfishness
To say yes
No turning back no turning
Back to where it began
Make it stop
Heel
The tracks have gone rusty
And will derail all who cross
Those who love and loved
Over the edge
Beyond repair
It's done, its done
The world has fallen apart
My world
It has relinquished forever
No hope of repair for
Love does not forgive
Nor forget
It's time to move on
The hands are ticking, ticking
Ticking by the hours
Wishing for another
To understand the situation
To demand the same attention
Another that knows how
To tape a broken world as whole again
Shattered glass no longer the ruins
The pieces of a part
That never really belonged
That were outcast
Placeless, homeless beings
Among them
Another person
Just one
One that knows understands feels
The sailor of the churning seas
To save the wreckage
To sail back on the seas
Of blood that race through veins
Agitated by the second long process
Initiated by the beating
Stumbling
Confused matter known often
As the heart
The soul
So broken you wonder
Is it gone
With nothing left the remorse
Fades into the blackened night
Turns all beauty into concrete
To be torn up
By those passing obliviously above
Unending torture that has been declassified
No longer a form of abuse
Just another day
One more longing for freedom
And to take to the skies
To be free of regret
The time is up to be repaid, The
Time. Is. Up.

Where the moon kisses the sea
And the land meets the road
Where the sun touches the sky
And the grass becomes bowed

We fall

When the sun no longer rises
And the moon lingers above
When the birds stop flying
And there's not a single dove

We fall

Once the heart becomes a beacon
And gets trapped under lies
Once the mind becomes broken
And clouded like darkened skies
Once the body finally gives up
And submits to dying cries
Once the soul's no longer bound to Earth
And heaven's its final prize

We fall.

Im so
overwhelmingly
wrapped up in you
I forgot myself

I see
You have
A beautiful ocean in your eyes
Tonight
An ocean
Filled with love, kindness, and care
Seeing the world how it is
That ocean
So deeply passionate with wonder
Eyes that cannot see themselves
For the beauty that they are
Eyes thay have shed tears
For forgotten love
Your eyes, they swim, they glitter, they shine
They say everything that you cannot see
You are beautiful, wonderful, and smart.
I see you have a beautiful ocean in your eyes tonight.

One day
I kept saying
I kept lying to myself
One day
It will happen
You'll see
One day
He'll be there
Waiting, waiting
Waiting to ask
Spreading a smile across your face
One day
He'll notice
Notice the love you have
Notice the time you spend
Notice the amount you care
Not today, you suppose. Not today
But one day
One Day
It will happen.

One day isn't coming
Anymore
No longer is there a one day
All hope is lost
Gone
Forever
No longer will you look at him and say
One Day
There is no one day
No chance, no way
It's not happening
So you'll get over it.
I'll get over it
One Day.

Free rent
for this space in my heart
free rent for the one who can fill it
free rent
if you don’t destroy the walls

The venom
sinks in, deeper and deeper
the veins constrict
the heart races then fades
To keep up is impossible
it spreads quickly
Just as fire ravages fields
it burns through the body
paralyzing every limb
shortness of breath
the world silences
in a breath, it stops, the world stops
for one person
for many
for everyone
what is this, this is not death
This venom, is not from
any snake, no reptile to be found
it is human
it is a human torture
Sometimes over so quickly
but the aftereffects last forever
and ever
'till death do us part

Is it venom

or is
it


*Love

I
can't                  breathe
but
I
can't                  die

An urban cowboy wanders his concrete jungle, unable to take his mind off of something... or rather, someone. Those thoughts and feelings, all tracing back to her; the one that he was sure was the one, right from the start. For years, he trailed in her path, trying to fix the turmoil while staying upon his own stallion.
  
    Such a simple idea, that stallion. Just a word, lost in most hearts. Gone, without a trace. But... For those, where it remains... It tortures. Torments. Causes pain, only to vanish again. It's a stallion... Unbroken, impossible to train but by the best. Cantering wildly, in the fields of the mind and the soul; causing havoc, clashing mind and heart together.

   But there's another. Waiting, drifting from shadow to shadow. Wallowing in sorrow, relying on nostalgia and fleeting glances of what it could be. Struggling with self-hatred, only to learn to hate more. Not given a second thought, no chance given to prove herself. Wanting to escape.... Fly away, free of a body, a drifting soul in the night. The only thing acting as a thread... The one person that pulls her together while tearing her apart. A paradox in such a complex feeling.

I never realized just how much I can be me in the water.

When I put my head under, the world goes completely silent for a while.

I can choose to think about things, or to not think at all, and focus on every little detail of how I move.

All of my worries go away, all I have worry about is getting to the wall to turn and go again.

When I'm swimming, nothing matters anymore. I'm free of responsibility, I'm free.

Sincerity

I must praise those who talk to me
I must believe that what is wrong is wrong
I must understand what is said to me

But how?
Things have been told as lies,
Things have been misunderstood.

My childhood is past, and now I must realize.
What is done, is done.
I can not turn the clock around.

Why must we stand here and wait?
The sincerity is true.
Everything else is a lie.

The Outside is Silent,
The Person's World becomes
Their Own.

Again Press Play,
An image begins to form.
Belonging to everyone else,

The Silence is deafening.
The Music blares,
A person becomes

Absorbed.
Everything else disappears,
As the world is painted with

Their own style.
The song changes,
As then does the canvas.

Colors swirl, become one
Then they form
Another creation.

Trust shouldn’t have to be earned
It shouldn’t be something
that you can gain
It shouldn’t cost anything
Yet it does.
It costs
Effort
Heartbreaks
Tears
Apologies
and most of all
It costs time.
Don’t waste time
trying to be the trusted one
Spend time showing
That you’re worth the time.

Time kills

as well as it heals

it does nothing to relieve pain

It does nothing to mend a broken heart

for someone that is so broken

so torn

that nothing can mend their emotions

nothing can save them

from the tragedy of loving another

that pain never leaves

it may dull

it may become numb

But it is still there

It is the inexplicable part of love

Something so powerful

yet its weak

the fortress has fallen

an impermeable feeling

barricaded thoughts

and words

**its always words

Im always here for you

Whether you like it or not

I’m here waiting

Just waiting for you to notice me again

Then a few words

I jump to the front of your mind

I burn your heart again

You think I’m worth it this time

Then you lose me

I fall back down into the abyss

I’m still here

Making you numb

Calling your name

Then with just a few words

I rear up again
As untamed as the first day

Burning stronger



But yet you have no name for me

You’ll name me, but you can not describe me

I’m the indescribable feeling



I’m indescribable to those that bare with me the most


**And my name is Hope

It hurts
But it makes it better
If just for a while
It goes away
Leave me be for a bit
But it too hurts
Why do I do it
I have no reason
My life is fine
But something inside
Is not
I think my mind is going
It’s leaving
And taking no prisoners
I should welcome it
As a fact of life
But I don’t want life
The good days
Do not make up
For all the bad
All that is bad
Can not be turned into good
It’s too late
My mind has gone
And there
Is not turning back
Just the wait
For it all
To end

All this pain
Its everywhere
It plagues the world
Infects every happy heart
Slowly makes its way through
Death
It leaves death in its path
Maybe not a dead body
But a dead soul
A lost spirit
It forces love out
Turning the heart to stone
You can’t see it
But you can feel it
Sense it in someone
Run
Run now
Before the darkness infiltrates
Your last hope
Beat it
Overcome it
You are stronger than the darkness
That draws you in
Be the light
That blackens the darkness
Disperses the hate
And brings back
Love
Courage
And most of all
Bring back the hope

All these people
Yet still all alone
I haven’t spoken in a while
Since there is no need
Trapped in a hole
Of people
Complete strangers
Stuck here among
Men and women
All ages
All shapes
Yet still not fitting in
Not belonging to anyone
Wanting to be wanted
Yet noone has said a word
They hurt just as bad
As spoken words
Aimed directly for the heart
A random one
The one just sitting here
Waiting
Waiting to be noticed
Waiting to be loved

My heart is breaking
Piece by piece
With each tear
Another chips off
Falls down to the sheets
Lost in a vast, white
Nothing
It gets lost in nothing
But it holds everything
Pain
From no suffering
Sadness
From no grief
There is nothing to cause it
But they still flow
They fall like raindrops
Quieter
Unnoticed
Uncared
And uncaring
Tears don’t care
They don’t care what is happening
About family, friends
They are selfish
Leaving, as they take another piece
Bit by bit
More and more
The heart turns to stone
It’s alright
It’s okay
But sometimes its not
Being alone
Lost
Confused
Hopeless
Tempting to give up
But trudging on
No reason
No feeling left
Until the next time
The next night
And they fall again

A consummation of feelings
and uncertainty
Drowning in the pain
Given a light to go deeper
Further into the abyss
Invisible to them

Surrounded by past mistakes
By lies
and by hope
Hope just as desecrate as lies
Tearing from limb to limb
and tearing each night

Not just the night, no
it hits in the sun’s rays
Stabbing through with such grace
it seems as a dance
displaying grace and poise
hiding the imbalance and degradation
Swallowed by the abnormalities

The best isn’t good enough
and focus is wrong
just as leviathan hides in the shadows
agony waits for a time to strike

Hey, Mr. Owl
What do you say
You create music
With one simple note
It’s magical
How you brighten a spirit
Thank you Mr. Owl
The dark is a bit brighter
And its all you
Thank you Mr. Owl
Thanks for being you