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 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
Sometimes you're happy
Sometimes you're sad
If you don't live in both of them,
You won't live in either of them
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
Fear spreads like a chill
It ripples over my spirit
The way the autumn wind makes my body quiver

Fear infects what heals me
Sleep turns into torment
It's sweet embrace offers shallow solace

Fear makes rest strenuous
Nightmares find my weaknesses
My soul is shredded instead of sewn

Fear caresses my madness
If I take the sweet ******
I risk finding the dwelling of my terror

Fear grapples with need
I am addicted to sleep
With more ferocity than nicotine or alcohol

Fear is strong at night
The darkness feeds it
The infinite space gives its vastness advantage
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
Soul Mate
It sounds pretentious
I have both halves
Of the soul destined
To reside in me
I don't need
Any leftovers
What can that mean?
I don't know yet.
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
I have seen tears
Big, fat, watery dribbles
Flowing like summer rain
Down the rough, bearded cheeks
Of the strongest men
Who I ever have known
I stopped crying
When I stopped caring
Maybe I'm stronger
More likely
Just cynical
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
Mia
A plea
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
Mia
This is what I think I want;
A heart that's mine,
Longing to love me and hold me.
I want to watch your eyes light up,
when you see me passing by.
I need you to chase after me,
because you forgot to hug me goodbye.
To tell me this is real,
and you don't want to lose me.
Tell me its okay to cry,
I don't have to do it alone.
Cause you will hold my hand,
and listen to my sorrows.
I want to lie next to you,
and hear you catch your breath;
when I run my fingers through your hair.
I want to catch the shift from sated to desperate.
Take me as you want, I am yours.
Love me recklessly, I beg.
I want someone to call in the night,
Just so I don't feel alone.
Someone to whisper that they miss my smile,
Even as I smile over the phone.
I want to belong to you,
Like you belong to me.
I need you to need me.
Something Ember said, about me needing a heart that's mine..
Here, on the flatlands
I was put in my place.
formed and pressed
into their neat and presumably safe little box.
It's all they knew.
It is so hard to think of them as once children themselves,
formed and pressed.
Formed from a different time, with different conformists.
There are no manuals when we are born,
you get leftover instructions from previous pipe fitters.
Agrarian raised, like grain fed beef.
Complete with the fears and habits of bygone generations.
I leave one bite of each item on my plate,
with just enough drink to wash it all down.
I have done that as long as I can remember.
I want the whole candy bar, rather than just a bite.
Pressed and formed my Father saves.
He saves twist ties from bread bags.
He saves old welcome mats, and garage door openers.
He buys in bulk, and has two deep freezers full.
Full of freezer burn, tasteless, barely nutritious,
neatly formed and pressed portions of frozen in time Salisbury steak.
It is as if he himself would like to be frozen in time.
He is a depressionite child.
In the basement there is an old dresser that he found at a yard sale.
He painted it a hideous green,
but it has a formed and pressed neat white little doily on top.
In the top drawer there are various expired drugstore items,
some dating as far back as 35 years ago.
"You never know when you might need something in there."
Expired aspirin that has broken down into powder and smells of vinegar.
Vicks Vaporub, in the pretty blue glass jar, that is dried up and orderless.
All brand new and have never been opened.
Formed and pressed neatly in their little containers.
I watch these molders of my life slowly pass away,
becoming neatly formed and packed into their aging corner of the world,
neatly formed and packed into a stereotypical old folks home.
Forgotten, in the way, slow, aching.
Soon all they will have will be memories.
Soon all they will need will be memories.
Neatly formed and packed in their aging minds.
And then, like a comet that has shuttled through space
for thousands of years, millions of years,
they will burn out and fade into dust.
And their whole lives
will be neatly formed and packed
away,
in a trunk
in the attic,
to be opened like a time capsule,
at a later date.

*the result of a week with my 94 yr old Parents
Miamisburg, OH   May 2013
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
There's a sing-song voice
Ringing in my ear
And an atomic bomb
Bringing you here
I won't ever find
The secret to my life
As long as I run
And hide from the knife
I think of you often
With flowers in your hair
It may seem absurd
But I can't leave this chair
 May 2013 Susan O'Reilly
S D S
It's always the same
The same friends surround me
The same books fill my shelves
I meander down the same streets
I drift towards the same women
It's always a brunette
Probably brown eyes, but maybe green
Soft-heart-ed but with a sharp tongue
Some obsession that puts me second
Probably the same favorite food
If I'm not programmed,
I'm **** unlucky
I stand aside sometimes
And await my punishment
Await my flogging
The consequences of my actions
I know I've been bad
I've lied to myself so, I have been had... by me
But that false reality, for a second, filled me with so much satisfaction
I stand aside, stand out of my own way... so I can see
The ability to be in denial to myself is one that I lack, that character is hardly me
And so, I stand aside sometimes, turn my gaze inward, and look inside at times
Correct my wrongs
The rhythm somehow kind of went off key
Re-write these songs
These bad ideas come in crowds... in throngs
These crazy things that we conjure up
That flow freely
**** this tap
Will never stop giving
When will it dry up?
My friends are so wrong, but that's my problem. Hahaha....
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