she had a hard time admitting
to herself that she couldn't let you in
she always was an open book,
there were never any great walls, or
giant doors, locked with chains
she thought
she often thinks of you now
like a Trojan horse, slyly
slipping past her guards,
only to destroy her from within
once, albeit too late, she discovers
you in fact are the enemy
penetrating her fortress
she once thought, having you
close by, that you were her ally
there could be nothing better
but smoke and mirrors was all you were
a magician, a maker of potions
when she'd playfully glance your way
through the top of her hazy drunken eyes
telling you without words what she was really saying
intoxicated uninhibited blackouts
she has trouble hanging on to memories
without clouds and drink spills disrupting their integrity
that she only sees your smile
and only hears your whispers in her ear
and only feels your gentle, soft caress
which cause that tumor of your memory
in her brain to shrink, and lead her to think
that just one more kiss, just one more night
couldn't hurt, could it?
just one more chance, and she could explain it all away
one more full moon to light the night, to see her
but you never cared about the walls, or the locks
you were content on the outside, and having her securely
trapped in her own locked, doorless room
and she knew all along you never wanted in
you are the cigarette to her lung cancer
the addiction that will **** her
that she cannot seem to give up

small malleable minds
with an infinity of creativity
awesome fallible thoughts and yet no fear of failure
Just a confidence, a contentment to be themselves
tiny soft hands
no scars yet, only lines of destiny
Big thoughts and simple words
portraying their world in colors unknown

I do swear by this
but you look down on mine as if it's not the same as yours
but i want you to know that these shapes your seeing in front of you do not mean what you think

we are one in the same

writing maps on my hands from what I hear from whispers
                                                                                                     I am lost
I see and name all the places they've taken me
but most of the time like all of us the name has no meaning

I hear the whispers again
calling me to the void
calling me to dive
but is it worth it?

stumbling on sand
pushing my own head under the current

**I will open my lungs

Please, please, first listen to this, if you are unfamiliar with this musical piece*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kllZlF6mB2s


~~~~~~~~~~~
you thought you didn't know it,
but you did

somewhere a wedding, a movie
and you thought how beautiful

I hear it
each note distinct, unique and a
passageway to the next and the next

a transcendence
a generation
an uplifting
an arousal
a smoothing
a calming
a weeping

smithy of words,
I have read,
I have writ
words that gut punch me,
round my mouth into oh's,
cause me weeping endless


but this music
arrests *and rests me,
miracle each time
I walk on its waters

how utter fools we be
to have "lost" this
for over three hundred years!

I rediscover it each time

somewhere a wedding a movie
and you thought how beautiful

for me, a funeral,

play it for me at
my funeral,

hold it in a
wedding chapel,

so with it,
upon hearing its invocation,
I may thee wed

thereafter, when you stumble on it
our vows be timely renewed,

and
though apart,
together,
we will weep, once more,
transcendent, once again,
ascendant, then and now

a  flawless poem
if such there were,
will always be,
the next one

my poor soul,
my rag tag heart
has no censor,
so careless, reckless,
as if words were but
frivolous treasures,
easy spent, easy get

if only, how I wish I
could harvest my best,
with golden cutlery excise
the single flawless poem,
that I know in my possess

lay down this hand so weary
from cupping tears,
be satisfied at long last,
so much so,
that my casket lowered,
hands in repose companioned,
clutching his best, easing his rest,
a paper record to join his ash,
his flawless poem,
at long last

Countless series of melancholic oceans
Hitting through waves of adversity
Only to be repulsed by provocations
Disjointed affections falls effortlessly

With no such contemporary feelings
Choked amongst the walls of solitary
Praying silently for a better ending
A hopeless romantic it seems evidently

Voyaging away from the sufferings
Patching holes of memories
Rekindling fire from breathing
Dreams torn away in fantasies

Sober desires creates a lustful reality
Shone away ignoring a truthful beginning
Nothing can hold us against this treachery
Forsaken our love has left me begging

©2014 Maman Screams