Large snowflakes float soundlessly
not a whisper of wind, just muffled footsteps
as she walks down the little town street
he catches sight of her as she looks up,
pearl flakes alighting on her dark lashes.
Her dark hair is highlighted with specks of white
giving her a magical look
he is already in love
before he walks over and says hello
and she smiles up at him.

Bright shining lights, endless chorus of laughter and voices
she smiles as she leaves
walking under the huge sparkling chandelier on her way out
The oak doors swing shut behind her and


silence


The snow slowly, soundlessly drifts down
she imagines she hears traffic in the distance
but that is just the roar of the party still ringing in her ears

There is nothing but faded footprints and her alcohol tinted breath
the cloud blending in with the scene

She takes a deep breath that seems oddly loud
and she walks towards the waiting car
long black coat trailing behind her

Stormy blue eyes search the horizon from atop a parking garage
The storm despritely rages around the pupil as it searches for the sea
But alas, even eight stories up, endless towers block distant waves from the mixed blue
Yet they still search on, darting back and forth
Trying to find something tht matches the wavy blue eyes

my mind in in contortion
thoughts swirl and dance
in endless random currents
there is no head nor tail to the madness

as i trying to grab hold of these thoughts
they flit away
and I am driven insane
trying to clasp onto thoughts
that cannot be caught

He used to be in the center of it all
always living in the moment,
Enjoying life in its very essence

Then he got a camera
changed himself and his name

Now he takes pictures if those in the center of attention
Taking amazing photos of those living life in its essence

Now he can't be found as he is hiding behind the camera
Disappearing into someone that is invited to parties for the photos

He has grown small and secluded into a view frame
One sees what he sees and does but not who he is

He is the boy behind the camera

They tell me I'm ready,
that some how I'm going to go out there
all alone
and make a wonderful life for myself


What if I'm not ready?
I don't even know what I want yet
let alone what I need

They say I'm ready
so I must be...right?

Sitting atop my perch the wind howls on
While some might find it annoying
as it whips around their hair
It is a comforting feeling for me
As the others move behind glass
I stand until I am alone

Just me and the wind
and the rushing cars below

Another evening
of
sore forearms
aching shoulders
blistered fingers
a back that demands to be cracked.

All this work will be worth it

The late nights staying doing squats

They will pay off in time

I will never be skinny,
never be the politically correct form of "beauty"

But I can always be strong
and someday I will stand up and know
that I have reached my goal
and am the very best I can be

I've never been okay with someone being as close to me
as I am letting you be
ever since nine years ago.

I think I'm ready to start letting that go now
I will always be ruined
a damaged painting
but you are here and you are much closer
then anyone else has been since

The walls keep turning to sand around me
I try to hold the crumbling pieces up
but they slip through my blistering fingers

Every fiber of my being is working
trying to force the walls around me to stay up.

Human bodies are not meant to support heavy rocks and heavy sand

Even though everyone knows it is physically impossible
I'm still expected to support the world around me

And I'm failing in the eyes of the world
I can't hold up my world as they sit on it
shaking their heads at my failure

They only see letters and test scores
Not me.

They will never see me.


They don't care if they don't.

Talking to you is the best therapy
even if you don't respond I feel better
because you always understand
and if you don't, you try to.

And I appreciate that

Thank you

You make everything better