My eyes aren't bloodshot from losing you
They're the strained red because missing you comes in flashbacks
I remember the curve of your hand
When it touched mine
I remember studying the flecks of discolor in your eyes
When you kept looking past me like if you actually stared at me,
You would miss the world and whatever was past me
I remember you calling me at 1 am
You thanked me and you said you were done
I remember wanting to crawl on your skin
I craved being so close to you
I remember me telling you how much I needed you
And you telling me that my sentences reminded you of someone else

my idea
and your idea of love
are very different
what kind of love
leaves you with mascara stains
on your pillowcase
what kind of love
makes you want to wrap your hands
and feel it break underneath your rage
what kind of love
leaves you gasping for air
while he runs his hands through
his hair
and the only thing you can think to say is
i'm so sorry

the unfamiliar haze of your absence
rested at the foot of my bed
it was pulling at me to get up
to brush your memory out of my head
it wrapped around my ankles
telling me to get up and move on
telling me you wouldn't come back
but you clogged up my mind
and wrecked my train of thought
so i stayed in my bed
and waiting for your return

Secrets lash like venom
I can taste it on your lips
Snake bites filled my body
While your presence caressed my hurting
The sweet taste of the juicy substance
Overcame the screaming of my nerves
The flicker of your tongue
Whispered secrets my soul sold for
There as I lay
I see your eyes green
Even through the haze of the day
My eyes start to drop
My pulse ran so slow
I saw you, the snake
Slither away

How am I supposed to believe anything
When every compliment ends with "I guess"
I say I love you like a reflex
I scream it at you and in the end
I just have a burning throat and a dry tongue

All you do is whisper
Your mind is fogged and elsewhere
Your hands may wrap around mine
But they are ice cubes frozen in into mine
And I have to blow on them to keep them warm

What am I supposed to do
When I've ran my body out
Trying to get through to you
Trying to make you alive again
The death inside you shows through your pout

i drew a breath
the memory of you left me with no oxygen
smoke instead of air
filled the desperation in my lungs
the ache of wanting something more
were sources of nightmares
i watched clocks
wondering what time you would be back
you were already half way across the world
i was stuck on the kitchen floor
and i say this from the bottom of the biggest rock

curl your toes
ball your fists
while he screams
that's the only way
to keep your anxiety
and your anger in
that's the only way
to breathe