Is it too much to ask for someone to give a ****?
You are not blind.
You can see how ****** up I am.
You all can.
I can't ask for help again,
Because that does absolutely nothing.
Maybe if I stop cutting my legs,
And start cutting my wrists.
Maybe if I get drunk at 8 am.
Maybe if I start doing coke off the kitchen table again,
And waking up at 1 pm,
And staying in all day long.
And leave empty bottles of nyquil around my place,
Just for you to see.
What the **** do I have to do to get some ******* help?

When I was younger I was very girly,
I wore dresses and leggings,
But never jeans.
I loved pink and purple,
And I loved sparkles and bows.
I was very girly,
But I hated dolls.
I drew on my sister's baby dolls with ballpoint pens,
Covering their foreheads with my cryptic squiggles.
I would strip my Polly Pockets,
And let them lay naked and ashamed on my bedroom floor.
I would take all the limbs off of my Barbies,
And rearrange them into disfigured beauty queens.
Fake people have always bothered me.

Taking it slow
was never really your specialty.
First date, you showed up late
hurried up and grabbed my hand,
had me kissing you within a second.
You always wanted to do
what was next, what was coming
you didn't like waiting, stalling, playing it safe
you were reckless, restless
had me loving you within a week.

People called us *****,
and I mean
I guess we were a little *****,
but I just like to turn out the lights
and explore with you.
People called us stupid,
and I mean
I guess we were a little stupid,
but I just like to make things interesting
keep things young like we're supposed to be.

People didn't really get it,
they were criticizing somethin'
they didn't understand.
We were just crazy about each other,
and didn't want to waste any time.
We were seventeen,
just trying to stay "young, wild, and free."

1.  diamondback boys
with tombstone-smiles
rolling out
zombie phrases
pick up lines
picking up lines
to tie
me with

2. mothers

3. bloated tears
of jealousy
caused by
me
i just want to be
friends

4. heights

5. flying
i don't like being so high
the higher you are
the more it hurts
when someone drops you
maybe i am happy
being miserable
i guess i'm not sure

6. snakes

7. little sisters
that would break you
if they had the strength
snap you in two
like a barbie doll
she wants me to love my mother
but she also wants the three ravens
that she so often paints
to fall out of the sky
she would be fine
dropping them
herself

8. yelling

9. a friend that knows how pathetic
i truly am
and becomes disgusted
with the facade
that is my existence
someone who knew
how much i don't
want to be here
i am afraid
of the way
they would look at me
i am afraid
of their
pity

I got cheated on
and so, get no more ***.

My lover got some on the side,
so now, I get none at all;

What cruel ****** irony is this?
*******, Universe!

my blood-shot eyes
send salty waves
rushing down my
newly-reddened cheeks.
they are enough
to fill my entire
body with
something other
than emptiness.
but somehow,
this is much worse;
a feeling of
never-ending dread
and ravishing sorrow.
the flowers you have
planted in the
emptiest parts of me
are now wilting,
each individual petal
falling endlessly
to the ground,
only to burn
and turn into ash
once again.

(alm)