Stacy Mills

Stacy Mills May 2017

Why

I just want to die
I feel like the world would be better without me
I feel like I wouldn't even b missed
I feel like I'm useless
I feel like I've no purpose
I feel like I'm not needed
So y can't I just die
Why can't I just leave this world
Why do I have to sit here in misery

Stacy Mills Mar 2017

I wouldn't say, but I have my moments

I'm a mom
I have two jobs
It seems I'm working
all the time
If not on the job
on my family
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm smart
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm talented
But I have my moments
I despise drama
But it can't be avoided
I yearn for my soul mate
But that can't b found
Some days I'm depressed
And most days I'm not
I wouldn't say I'm a *****
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm unkind
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm a pushover
But I have my moments
I think everyone is a little of everything
With flecks of nothing
Smeared in greys and blacks
Speckled with rainbows and sun
A little lost
A little found
A best friend
A worst enemy
I wouldn't say I make sense
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm an idiot
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing
But I have my moments
Maybe I'm too bossy
Maybe I'm a bad mom
Maybe I'm A natural born leader
Maybe I'll fail at everything
Maybe one day I'll get it together
Maybe I am doing everything right
I wouldn't say ..........
but I have my moments

Stacy Mills Mar 2017

Never care

Hardened heart n darkened soul
Actually caring takes its toll
I forgot for a moment and let you in
That's was a mistake to begin
**** I'm stupid, why do I try
I just always end up alone to cry
I need to accept I'll always be alone n not to care
Then keep my heart welded right there
High on a mountain no one can reach
Safe from all the pain that wants to leach
But I forgot and I cared and I cried and I hid
I want to yell, "look at what u did"
But I'd alone hear my cries
So let me just hang here with no goodbyes
Because I am alone and always shall be
And caring has been locked away from me

Stacy Mills Mar 2017

I forgot not to care

I forgot and cared again for a moment
I got hurt
That's why I just don't care
Why would I when the results are always the same
Me sitting alone left to drown in my solitude
****** I'm done

Stacy Mills Feb 2017

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, THE THOUGHTS THAT GO THROUGH MY MIND

My children are always on my mind
The God
The evil
The aluminati
The government
My relationship status
Dinner
Laundry
Clean the house
Loneliness
Go to work
grocery shopping
Feed Chika and Spike
I wish my best friend loved himself
Why won't my girls stop fighting
I wish Mickayla respected me as I taught her to respect others
I wish Nathan was closer
I wish Nevaeh could be greatful
I wish I could know true love
why can I think of nothing
why do I feel empty
I love my friends
I miss my friends
I want to go to Zims
I want to have a good time
I need a vacation
Why do I have to fight with my kids for help
Why won't Brian help himself be happy
I can't I help myself be happy
I'm always up and down
I'm pretty today
I wonder if I work the bar this weekend
What is so wrong with me I'm undateable
I have so much **** to do where do I start
**** I've a dysfunctional crazy family
I wish someone would take me by the throat throw me down pin me to the bed and **** me like they can't help but want me so bad
I miss some of my old friends
I love long hot baths
I wish it where summer all the time
I wish I saw my parents more
There's never enough time
Why am I so alone
Why am I so uncontented
I want to cut but I wont
What is my porpoise
I hope I don't **** my kids up too bad
I want to die but cant
God, I know you can hear me; please help me
I wish I was good enough
I wish I was loved as much as I love
Frogs are cool
I'm Batman
I'm Edgar Allan Poe
I'm Tim Burton
I'm Melanie Martinez
I'm so **** shy
Why can't I let any one in
Why am I broken
I hope my kids make it further in life than I do
I wish I had all the answers
I wish someone could tell me what I need to do and help to do it
I wish I where on a kayak right now
I don't want to be single anymore
I'm over whelmed
I'm under-stimulated
I'm empty
I'm a slob
I have too many shoes
I'm a very fortunate and lucky person
I have more than most
Will anything ever be enough to make me content
I just want to be left alone
I want someone to cuddle
I'm such a **** contradiction
I wish my brother... Many things starting with that he wasn't such a fool and that he wouldn't have alienated the family
I wish I had some candy
I think I'm tired
I hope my girls had fun at the game
I'm going to bed now
Maybe I'll have more to tell tomorrow
I doubt it though
I never finish anything

Stacy Mills Feb 2017

I just don't know anymore

IDK, I guess I just need to write
IDK what to write so I'm just going to keep writing whatever
I'm at the laundromat
Doing laundry I don't want to do
I work at a job I don't want to do
I live in a house I don't want to live
In a town I don't want to be in.
I have 3 children I would give the world to see happy.
I only have two of them with me
I know I'll b single for the rest of my life
I feel this constant alienation dragging me deeper
I have an over nagging feeling of dread
Hate
Worthlessness
Emptiness
Uselessness
I can't seam to overcome
I just keep sinking deeper into this morbid mood
This corrupt feeling of hopelessness
I don't know what to do
I'm lost
I've got too much weight on my shoulders
The weight is overbearing
I'm going to buckle or break
What happens when I snap
What horrific actions will I take
What irrevocable consequences will I then have to face
The fog is blinding me of what is yet to come
The refusal to cry is making me hard
My walls keep getting stronger
Will anyone ever be able to get through
I highly doubt it
It's quicksand I stand in
There is no bottom to this pit
That's why I never stop sinking
That's why I've no hope left

Stacy Mills Jan 2017

Hope

I send so many prayers with you in mind that u r doing well.
I hate that I can't see you as much as I'd like to.
I will always think of such love when I think of you.
You've always been a light I could find when I was  lost.
You've always been a smile.
You've always been a laugh.
You've always been a best friend.
You've always been a hope in a world full of pain.
I HOPE   you realize how much you truly mean, and have ment to me all these years!
I love you;
You shall always be my Hope.

To my best friend Hope!