I know it hurts like heavy nothingness, and it feels like everything was pointless. Like it was all wasted time and effort and feelings, avoidable heartache, disposable passion. I know it hurts, and you’re hoping it’s all a lie, that you’ll close your eyes and everything will go back to the way it used to be. But even though it feels impossible now, you will learn to let go. It may take awhile, and it may always sting, but one thing that’s certain is that you will be okay. You’ll learn to breathe again without wincing, you won’t flinch at the sound of her name. First it’ll be a day, then two, then weeks and months and you’ll forget all about the pain. You’ll smile and laugh and it won’t be fleeting or fake, it’ll be real. You are going to be happy again. I know it hurts. I know. It’s okay that it hurts, you’re human. But I promise you, it won’t hurt forever.

write from your heart: scribble down words
when you’re crying at 2am, or right after
you’ve gotten home from spending time with
someone you love, whenever your emotions
are at their peak. writing is bet when it’s
pure and raw and genuine. don’t filter when you
write, just let your soul flow out on the page.

i am
monday nights filled with
candlelit journal entries
and sipping hot tea while
watching rain bounce off
the roof and open windows
in autumn and messy hand-
written letters and white
tees and cuffed jeans and
pb&j; with the crust cut
off and folded origami
cranes and watching the
sun rise while everyone
else is tucked away in
their beds and midnight
car rides and candid smiles
and lists written in blue
ink and wildflowers and
mountains and birds singing
and books and movies that
make you cry and nicknames
and flannels in the winter
and soft music and loud
music and moments recorded
only by memory and pumpkin
pie and forever stamps
i am all the little things
and if you don’t make an
effort to understand why i
love all the things i love
you will never understand
me

it’s strange to think
you will only remember me
as the person i was with you

you’ll never learn of my new habits,
nor will i ever come to know yours
i won’t get to watch you grow,
see you become strong,
hear about all of your new
adventures and revelations

no, i am only left
with who you were

we’re both frozen in time
in each others’ memories

my heart doesn’t feel things the same way it used to. i feel so… that feeling you get when you take a photo with someone you don’t know very well and you’re unsure if you should put an arm around them or not. i used to FEEL EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE, now i just feel… stagnant. no tragedy, no infatuation, i’m over you, i’m moving on, i’m not drowning in any sea of emotion. i’m stranded in an apathetic desert. i need SOMETHING. ANYTHING. captivate me, break my heart, i don’t like this silence

give me something to write about.

i wish i could peel up the floorboards
and lie beneath them
there i could hide in still silence,
but it still wouldn’t be completely
silent because i cannot leave my
mind behind

i couldn’t tell you what i’m thinking'
even if i wanted to
i thought that i had words for
everything, that i could always find
refuge in my ability to arrange
letters into feeling

i can’t

this emotion is a lightning bolt
and i am a bare tree alone
in a barren field

'what’s the difference between
thinking and feeling? how do you
know if it’s coming from the
head or the heart?

i find myself
starting out waiting room
windows,
my eyes follow the footsteps
of the strangers below
as i dream about below apart
of their everyday monotony,
because what may be a
dully, normal, tasteless
indifferent thursday to them
would be an adventure
to me

i wasn’t feeling okay

so i put on my overalls and went
outside 

to wander around my backyard,

trekking around in clunky rain boots

as i hummed and tried not to think
i like to write
 little notes

on the leaves that are now 

changing colors
and when i’m done

i let them
fall

so i can flatten them

beneath my heel

till the small words

are crinkled and no longer legible
amongst the dirt and grass
and so desperately,
i wish i could

let the thoughts in my head

fall
to the ground

so i could flatten
these
 pitiful feelings

beneath my heel

until they were no longer legible

amongst the hurt and hopefulness 

in my heart