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spysgrandson Jun 2013
I
left
you    
at the café while
you were in the water closet
I got on the bus,
handed the driver my last twenty
before I even asked where he was going
I saw you, through the café window
as the bus pulled away,
puffing diesel fumes
in its hissing wake
I saw you, side by side with
the gray reflection of a weathered Apache squaw
who
hunkered outside in the fading veil of smoke    
like a mocking twin who shared the glass and light
with the young you,
white princess with ruby lips
a purse full of treasured trash
and words I did not want to hear
waiting to spill from your mouth
I had been gone two years in the flying fortresses
deafened by the din of their moaning motors,
our machine gun fire
and the nightmare fighters
sent to the blind skies to escort us to hell
I counted the desperate days
and the missions I had yet to fly
until my feet could finally touch ground
and my eyes could see the light of you
then your letters said less and less
and I no longer kept them
folded in my leather coat
two miles from earth,
like the parchment talisman
I once dreamed them to be  
you had left me before
I left you, and I knew, but
‘twas easier to chew a quiet lie
than to swallow a screaming truth
I did wonder if you walked into the street,
if you asked the Mescalero lady
if she saw me leave  
though I did not look back
once the bus passed Lordburg’s lone light
nor did I long for you any longer
in the dreadful night
***inspired by a 1940s photo a bus depot/cafe in Lordsburg, New Mexico, the USA--link to the image:  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=347446792049718&set;=a.102525519875181.1742.100003531994461&type;=1&theater
spysgrandson Sep 2017
not one in a hundred million swimmers reaches the egg

seeds fare only little better it seems

save one which landed in just the right warm cow droppings in my pasture

took root, fought its way through
two wars, too many dread droughts to count,
a fire that took a third my herd
and a hired hand,
the passing of my wife,
and some numbered portion of my life

under a harvest moon,
black armed and brittle, it still stands, stardust reincarnated
times infinity

more than once I took axe to field
but its execution was always stayed

now the tool's too heavy to swing;
the blade blunted by time

and this night, I can see its shadows on silver ground, receding silently in lunar light, preparing for a dawn the mesquite will greet, with or without me
spysgrandson Sep 2024
one in a hundred million
swimmers reaches the egg,
seeds fare only little better it seems,
save one which landed in just the right warm cow droppings
in my pasture, took root, fought its way through two wars,
too many dread droughts to count, a fire
that took a third my herd and a hired hand,
the passing of my wife, and some numbered portion
of my life

under a harvest moon, black armed and brittle,
it still stands, stardust reincarnated times infinity
more than once I took axe to field, but
its execution was always stayed

now the tool's too heavy to swing; the blade blunted by time
and this night, I can see the tree's shifting shadows on silver ground, receding silently in lunar light, preparing for a dawn it will greet, with or without me
spysgrandson Apr 2014
blood suckers,
engorged with the sanguine sap of Catholic, Jew,
and for good measure a Buddhist or two,

more multitudinous than molecules
in a mastodon’s eye,
these whizzing winged vampires
leave an angst filled itch
in their wicked wake    

they avoid me, though my blood
is there for the siphoning
with  perverse sense of smell
they can somehow tell  
I am one of them,
without the gift of flight  
yet ******* my own crimson cream  
both day and eternal night
Skeeters and dung eating flies...about all that is filling my verse lately
spysgrandson Dec 2013
you are strapped to the chair
blinding lights beckoning the sweat from you
a briny stream burning your eyes
your hands are not cuffed
though clasped as if in desperate prayer
the questions fly at you like fiery arrows
piercing the armor you struggled vainly to build

the archer sees all, knows all,
asks for all, and of all

your locked hands cannot fend the queries off
your answers slow the shafts only long enough
for you to see their flaming fletching
the louder your screams,
the deeper the points penetrate
the more resolute your responses,
the greater the number of arrows

eventually, your vessel is riddled with holes,
hoping for holy, with your blood
flooding the floor, like sacred paint
on a deep black
altar of truth
inspired by a remark from Carl Sagan
spysgrandson Nov 2012
2 robin’s eggs at 5
100 jar caught bees
before I reached double digits
some brain cells in my teens
when I was 10 times 2
the tan man on the wire
by then,
there were rules about such things
and I broke them
even though nobody ever said I did
with the easy squeeze of a finger
on my shaking right hand, I
sent him to some “promised land”
but he didn’t go
he stayed right there
by the South China Sea
with me
stuck still as stone on that wire
with roses all over his back
(that was always nice of them to call the exit wound a rose effect, don’t you think?)
a buzzard at 23--high flying in a blue Texas sky
clipped him with my 22 from 400 meters--he spun once
his black noble greasy carcass
disappeared into the horizon I could never reach
a rabbit at 30,
skittering through the Oklahoma snow
we let him lay and freeze
at 40, 2 doves with 1 shot from a 12 gauge
I didn’t have a hunting license
but hell, at half that age I was taught
you don’t need a license to ****
only a will
spysgrandson May 2016
white petals pepper his ivy,
some droop casually into the monkey grass
all volunteers, their conception unplanned

after his early constitutional
he takes tea with them, and tells them
life tales--content they listen, hear

first cautious with his revelations
no lugubrious lessons he has learned,
little of loss:

his first kiss,
his summer sojourns with Uncle Elliott
his favorite hiding spot at play

then, when they've heard of joy
he praises them for their comely countenance,
their generous journey from seed

later, when he returns at eventide
he dares tell them of Sophia, his beautiful bride
who tended tulips before these interlopers came

he whispers, so he does not startle them, or perchance
wake her, as he confesses she lies beneath them, forever silent
in their bed
spysgrandson Jan 2017
deep in the warren
they feel safe from the treachery
of my carnivorous calling

but I can use the shovel,
that terrible tool of modernity--after all,
'tis a favorite of grave diggers

a few scoops in the dank soil
and the rabbits are vulnerable to my attack:
a simple bashing of twitching skulls

my hands driven by a hunger
they satisfy with grasses in summer,
twigs, roots in winter

I wish my needs were so meager
my appetite so abstemious--but I crave
blood fresh flesh, torn from the bone

without their sacrifice, I must seek
bigger beasts, long dead, cellophane sealed
and put on ****** display

or become a vegan and ground great grains,
boil lazy legumes, and feign a higher nobility
in what I eat and excrete
no offense intended to vegetarians, or rabbits
spysgrandson Aug 2018
I saw him,
under
halogen haze
never days
a child I thought
no, a man,
tiny, with
a quick gait
trying
to outrun
fate
or an imagined
pit bull
always,
a white
football helmet
he wore
always,
he waved,
but always
he was mute
once,
I was
close enough
to see his face,
a smile
behind which lay
a secret
no modern
alchemy could
make him forget
a code
no white coat God
could decipher
a Mona Lisa smile
when I was expecting
a Munch scream
why the helmet
from what
was he fearing
assault--the asphalt?
stones cast from
the heavens
he saw only
under cover
of night?
I heard his mother died;
then he disappeared
perhaps she yet
laced his shoes
before his nocturnal
sojourns
and strapped
the helmet on
his head
I look for
him, and
other night
walkers, though
his once upon
a time is
memory
spysgrandson Aug 2017
we started school during
the Korean "police action"
like extra syllables made
murderous mayhem more
palatable than calling it
another dreadful WAR,
half a decade after we won
the last one

those of us who survived yet another
crazy Asian WAR are now fading fast

I take in news of our passing
with my morning coffee, reading
the obits like they were the sports
scores

and every one I see whose numbers
are smaller than mine remind me I
am playing Russian roulette with the clock,
every hour

were it within my power,
I'd spin those hands backwards
to a day before cybertime

when Donny, Johnny and I went
to the park to toss a hardball into
well pocketed gloves, and discovered
the delights of peanut butter and
marshmallow cream sandwiches

back, back to a day Ike was pres,
and I would watch The Twilight Zone
with religious fidelity--back, to a time
so ancient Maris had not yet slammed in
number 61, chipping away
at the Babe's immortality

some told us the end was near,
and death by fierce fire was a reasonable fear
long before the missiles of October
and JFK's intrepid blockade

but the mushroom clouds never did appear,
and here I am with Medicare card in hand,
living in the same land where men with funny
hair make ominous "tweets"

and Manchild dictators with tiny peckers
lob missiles into the sea

wishing Clark Kent were still around
ready to don his cape and take a leap
and a bound, and save us
from ourselves

but first he would have to find a phone booth
in which to change...
spysgrandson Apr 2014
the old tree
has new growth,
though I don’t know why  
it has been forty fortnight
since rain, and
years ago it gave
its last bounty

perchance
some stealthy stubborn root  
found its way to a black, cool pool  
left there from earth’s fickle vibrations
or ancient monsoons, before man
hopefully planted and plowed  

now
the people pray
for heavens to open, again  
with merciful tears, to wash
our soiled skins  

too late
for the pear
to bear sweet fruit  
but not for emerald leaves
to tease the eye
with yesterday’s
sweet song
metaphor aging death nature life
spysgrandson Aug 2012
4:10 AM, Thanksgiving Day
he lost his breath for good while I watched
In his thirties
lungs weak from polio and huffing Marlboros
Saturday I held one corner of his glossy box
his pricey glossy box
that was to be covered
with free soil

Some spring eve a quarter century later
the old writer
who told his tales well into his eighties
slipped into hospice sleep
and at his widow’s request
I got to hold up another corner
and place another flower
on another fancy shining tomb

Another thousand times
since then
I carried the ironic weight of lives
not all the way to their holy holes
but inch by inch towards the unknown
my shoulder sinking a bit more each time
while I searched for some epiphany in rhyme

we all bear the pall
of everyone’s fall
each has one shoulder sorely bent
regardless of who chose to repent
so as we walk with this worldly weight
someone else helps shape our fate
for try as we may to walk alone
our time is never solely our own

We are the pallbearers, pallbearers
for all
spysgrandson Nov 2011
EVERYBODY got ‘em a cell phone
pissant with not a nickel to pay his rent got him one
i ain’t got one or the quarter to use this pay phone
sittin’ there behind me waitin' for me to feed it
and hear that jingle like some slot machine that always pays out
temptin’ me like some shiny new toy
but i got two pennies and i ain’t even rubbin' them together
back then, back when nobody had no cell phone
i filed pennies down on the street to make them the size of dimes
when one of them dimes could by me a marshmallow pie
from a vendin’ machine at the bowlin’ alley
that ain’t there no more
but some cell phone store is
but that don’t matter
i don’t want no cell phone
i would like me one of them marshmallow pies
and an extra quarter to give this hungry phone
yesterday, some lady give me three quarters
and i give two of them to Jose to call his mama and sister
he gave me two smiles
i kept that other quarter to make a call
but couldn’t think of no number
or no soul
want to hear my voice
so i give that quarter to a little boy
who was all alone
and didn’t have no cell phone
**inspired by a photo of a homeless person, sitting on a bench, leaning on his mobile shopping cart home, with a pay phone behind him--one of a series of poems I wrote that were inspired by the photos of the Texas homeless--I was in a Langston Hughes mood when I wrote it--wish we could post images with our work here, for the picture is far more poignant than my simple words
spysgrandson Nov 2013
if I quote great “minds”
or utter a singular word
about my own
tell me to hide under a rock  
shun me with silence  
ignore my proclamations
throw stones at me    
I will eat my insects
skitter through the cacti forests  
without regard for trudging truth  
or the liquid lies of the high born  
I will dodge the thorns  
let my blood boil in the searing sun  
mate without wily wooing
I will be
other than thee,    
a grit dirt dweller  
a hisser, blissfully
unaware, I hope
spysgrandson Dec 2016
(the old man told his grandson)
that fleck of light out yonder is Venus
all by itself, out in the dark
can we go there?


would take my old truck a hundred
years to make it, and there ain't no air
what do people breathe
on that planet?


ain't no people, just a mess
of smelly clouds and hot rocks
it looks so small from here
and white, very white


that's light from the sun
grandson, and that tricks our eyes, even here
wait, grandpa, I see another light
blinking, going to Venus


that's a big old jet,
fifty far miles from here
but it's getting closer to Venus
see it, will it land there?


no boy, it won't come any closer
to that fried rock than we are to Mars
I see it, see, I see it, closer
even closer, blinking


I told you light tricks your eyes
I s'pose you'll figure that out later
wait, wait, I can't see it anymore
did it land on Venus?


maybe, maybe so, son
but I don't know for sure, it's just gone
*'cuz light tricks our eyes, right
grandpa, right?
spysgrandson Apr 2017
three miscarriages: God's
abortions her curse, the third time
not a charm, though with a marriage
of joy and alarm, she feels a flutter

more wings than feet
taking flight amniotic;
she lies still and waits for another,
the expectant mother

she is not
disappointed;
it moves again
to her delight

climbing closer
to the light, wet wings
flapping slowly

this web fingered,
big-brained swimmer-flyer
son-daughter-carrier
of the eternal flame

who will be to blame
if its eyes never see the sun?
what God would will
such a denial?

the one who gifts all
things life, yet has been
but a fickle teaser
with her

she lies very still,
holding the breath of life, hoping
its exhalation will be the current
on which new wings take flight
spysgrandson Dec 2016
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon--today makes 36 years since Mark Chapman murdered John--I post every year as a grim reminder, one bullet can **** a million dreams
spysgrandson Dec 2017
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity

(written 7 years ago on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon)
spysgrandson Dec 2015
thirty-five years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty-five years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon--today makes 35 years since Mark Chapman murdered John
spysgrandson Dec 2014
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written four years ago on the 30th anniversary of his death
spysgrandson Dec 2013
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon--today makes 33 years since Mark Chapman murdered John
spysgrandson Dec 2011
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written last year on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon--we are now approaching the 31st anniversary--for those to young to recall, "give peace a chance", "imagine", and "yesterday, today and tomorrow" are all allusions to the work of Lennon and/or the Beatles
spysgrandson Dec 2012
thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity
written on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon--tomorrow makes 32 years since Mark Chapman murdered John
spysgrandson Nov 2011
Clicking heels announced her presence
in the deepening gloom
where they hid
crouched like cats awaiting their prey.
She stared through the charcoal air
where
they lay
as she clipped closer
to their hungry eyes and teeth.
But when within reach
she spied their glowing glances
and thwarted their advances
with a simple singular phrase
one they would recall for all their days,
“You are already ******”.
Though this would be armor for few
what the predators strangely knew
was that Wendy Howling
gave no thought to their groping greed
for she lived by a higher creed.
And in the end,
when they mounted her motionless flesh
and grunted grotesquely in the doomed dark
Wendy Howling felt no pain
and she knew struggling would be in vain
for her words were true—
their sorrowful souls dug their way through her
to a hell from which they could not be saved
and her tears were not for her wounded womb
but for their eternal doom
spysgrandson Aug 2012
gravity,
you amaze me with your
paradoxical pull
grasshoppers, greenshanks,
groveling serfs and grandiose kings
all feel your wicked weight
the bearable lightness of being
is at your cosmic command

some wear you like gossamer, others filigree
for the forlorn, you are ball and chain
for Sir Isaac, you were scripture,
chapter, and verse, Mathematica

you keep me and thee tethered
with invisible faithless cord
to this spinning stone
to attempt to defy you is folly
even with rockets at full ******
for ultimately we must
again bear your weight
but, grave though I have called your grip
you beatifically bestow
this bearable lightness of being
that cannot be seen or heard
only felt
just felt like playing with words while I am in a writer's block mode...
spysgrandson Dec 2012
steamed broccoli calls me
its scent a melodious accompaniment
to the dance of
nitrogen and oxygen we call air
next I will torch
the dead silent flesh
of some sinless bovine beast
a sacramental conflagration
whose rich vapors will
add strings and woodwinds
to the wafting symphony
tickling my snout  
my salivary will weep  
in effortless anticipation  
of jubilant mastication  
of the flora and fauna  
of my own culinary killing fields  
that allow me
a few more waltzes  
in this soundless song of air
my last poem, the woman on the bus, was timed with the 150th anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation and the topic was our legacy of discrimination against those of color--this poem, the repast, was inspired by...broccoli
spysgrandson Dec 2012
it begins, some say
long before the first breath
maybe even before the swimmer
finds his way to the egg  
perhaps from seeds
planted in smaller numbered years
or before years, before numbers  
in the cosmos’ first
coded coughing of carbon  
that timeless riddle of time
is in us, written in a script
we cannot read
in a tongue
we cannot hear, but sense
senselessly, eternally, we know
from it, only one
sacred, terrifying, holy, sustaining
truth:
that we return
to days of future past
where there IS no swimmer,
no egg, no crumbling bones
to commune with
blessed stones
only the slow dance
of stardust and
the memory of divine fire
spysgrandson Nov 2015
LET
THERE
BE
LIGHT
a
fierce
sun ******
vapors
into
a
thunderous
sky
which
wept
sixty
sextillion
t­ears
creating
a
riddled
calibration:
the river  
time

we
came
cells
devouring
cells
metastasizing
into
li­fe
first
cruel crawlers
then
stealthy stalkers
wicked walkers  
and
finally
THE
terrible talkers
blasphemers
bending
time
asking
WHY
it
flows
?

we
are
th­ey
who
have
no
shore
to
which
to
moor
on the river,
time
what comes at 2:00 AM when I had too much chocolate
spysgrandson Oct 2024
LET
THERE
BE
LIGHT
a
fierce
sun ******
vapors
into
a
thunderous
sky
which
wept
sixty
sextillion
t­­ears
creating
a
riddled
calibration:
the river  
time

we
came
cells
devouring
cells
metastasizing
into
li­­fe
first
cruel crawlers
then
stealthy stalkers
wicked walkers  
and
finally
THE
terrible talkers
blasphemers
bending
time
asking
WHY
it
flows
?

we
are
th­­ey
who
have
no
shore
on
which
to
moor
on the river,
time
spysgrandson Jul 2013
you*  
expect
ashes sifting silently through a dead sky  
the sun only a memory, or white smudge
on a gray palette, no longer
the yellow yolk promise of clear day  
the golden harvest a morose, mocking recollection  
the reaping, now a remnant of fierce fire  
you
would like to think
we
started a conflagration whose source
could be traced to abstractions…
avarice, hate, ignorance, misunderstanding*  
and could, therefore, be reversed
with equally airy notions…
peace, compassion  
but the clock cannot be rewound  
the cinders cannot be whisked away
from the fouled fallow fields  
the baby carcasses
cannot be made pink and whole again  
the waters pure, and capable of great baptism  
for it was not a sacred sin
that scorched our flesh, closed our throats
and made black the world of grieving color
but a mindless rock that landed
in a calm ocean, and reminded
you  
we  
never had control  
but faded away like dinosaurs
in our final days
the title an allusion to Cormac McCarthy's The Road
spysgrandson Jan 2012
They number the benches
they, those who need to have order
and know the when and where
of all things

The sage of bench 33
doesn’t really ever see
the brass plate with its proud threes
he covers it with his frock
as if to sublimely mock
the “theys” who need to believe these
graphic creatures keep the world
from tilting too far on its throne

The sage of bench 33
was once a number watcher,
he too counting the ways and the days
to find their sacred sum
but now he only counts
what really counts…
the steps to his next meager meal
the coins in his blue chipped cup
and the stars he can see
from bench 33
on moonless nights,
amid the frenzied frights
of those “theys”
who number not only their days
and the checkered concrete ways
but also benches for the holy homeless
inspired by T Bell's photo at this link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/t_w_b_50/4861518011/
spysgrandson May 2017
you were not my prey
on this long hot day

though it seemed you
sensed you were

skittering in front of me
on the trail forever

or at least 1000 seconds--forever
in lizard time

perhaps you knew who I was, a reptile killer
since the dawn of man

or since my perverse pubescence, when I'd hunt
whiptails and rattlers  

and take prickly pride in how many of you
my .22 Ruger would slaughter

I have that time hidden in gray folds
beneath an old skull  

I don't carry the weapons of war,
anymore

but I can't deceive you, not in the naked
light of the sun

you were right to run; though I have concealed
my blood lust, you know it is still there
spysgrandson Feb 2018
on stone throne above me, in silent dominion
over his kingdom of cacti

this royal reptile knows I am here, prostrate--a simian cast
to the hard earth by a snake stung steed

this lizard saw the serpent strike, and my ten foot fall,
long as the length of sinful history

spine broken, all life's labors lost; no limb can move me
from this ground

the only sounds: my shallow begging of air and the mean symphony
of desert winds--their howling to be my dirge

the saurian monarch will be the lone child of God
to see my eyes close a final time  

perhaps this king will preside over my wake,
lapping at the feast of flies
On my bucket list is to ride a horse alone across open prairie or desert. According to all my equestrian friends, given that I am inexperienced, doing so would be ill advised. Perhaps the tale of the lizard king would be my fate if I did...
spysgrandson Nov 2016
paler than her skin, was the scar
on her chin, a two inch memory phantom
at a forty-five degree angle

that, I recall most of all,
the lady beside me at the deli, the Saturday
before my daughter was born

I know I looked at her twice
in the flash of time it took to order,
two pastramis on rye

both of which went to ruin
since my wife went into labor
the moment we sat to eat

we made it to the hospital
in twenty minutes, though I don't remember the ride,
my hands on the wheel, the traffic lights

we hit every one, my wife said,  
yellow then red, and those were perhaps a portent,
an omen of what was to come:

thirty hours of breathing, heaving,
fetal distress, a caesarean section, a beautiful
daughter, who lived thirty minutes

I can't usually see her face, except
when I close my eyes to sleep, and then
as a small circle floating above our bed

her visage smooth, baby pink, full of light,
though it lingers but a moment, before I see the scar
on the woman's chin, the meal uneaten
spysgrandson Mar 2013
in the quiet  
between the metal madness
of flesh being ripped from young bones  
the watching and waiting  
the stinging eyes
the flaring nostrils filled
with the sounds
of ****** painted flesh  
there is a cool liquid silence  
that comes with
the token tokes we take  
as we pass the golden bowl  
those times when we forget
we could flick a switch
and rock and roll
rock and roll
with ******-delic cassettes, or  
full metal jackets, though  
neither allows us to see
there are times of senseless silence  
and lost lizards lounging
on dew dappled leaves  
in mornings after  
the crushing steel  
the fatal fingered agony
we sewed and reaped,
there
is
this
quiet,
this still green scent  
the lizard and the fruit  
the green promise of tomorrow
that we may erase
with our screaming toys
and deadly ploys
but only after we awake
from this smoky drifting dream
I have not smoked marijuana in many years. Once, someone asked me to describe what it was like, and I replied, "Watch the movie, 'The Scent of Green Papaya'--it is like that." The movie takes place in Vietnam, though it is not about the war. Here, I tried to blend the silky images of that movie, being ****** and the experience of war.
spysgrandson Aug 2016
the jagged edges which gashed
his bare feet on the trash trove of shore by his trailer
slashed the folds of his memory as well

he chooses to tell no tales of that
hungry, motherless time--sharp years when he prayed
his dad would be passed out when he got home

and he usually was, there
on the cat **** sofa, splayed out like some beached whale
while he scavenged for food, and old pop bottles

a lifetime now from those foul filled days
he is a continent away, yet living on the shore,
with a fat portfolio and thin wife

who both protect him from "intrusive thoughts,"
though still he hunts for treasures on the sands, not
the nickel returns that bought his daily bread

instead, he seeks more ancient relics, glass
made smooth by the round chisel of time--soft, cool, full of color,
with no recollection of the fire that forged it
spysgrandson Aug 2018
the green grove a magnet to my eye
on these sun baked plains

I enter the glade to take shade with the cicadas
and vampire mosquitos

then I see it, Eden’s villain, coiled and rattling,
red ready to strike

I raise my staff, I too programmed to survive, do to what millennia
have taught

still we are in this staring standoff—silent save its rattle, deaf
I am to the chorus of insects

neither of us moves for an eternity of seconds, until the snake lunges at my feet

where its fangs find a field mouse, and devour it while I watch, an unwitting witness to expiry other than my own  

I leave the copse, whole, content another creature has, for today, taken my place in the bloodletting
spysgrandson Feb 2016
I hoped to become an eagle
soaring above amber waves of grain
seeking perch in rarefied air

a red-tailed hawk,
or even a garden warbler
would have sufficed

instead I metamorphosed
into a mosquito and found myself
skulking on a fine lady's arm

I could only hope
she wouldn't swat me
before I drank my red full
and took flight into dusk

or returned
to my pitiable simian self,
lice laced and  homeless, hunkering
in a cold corner, wishing
I could fly
spysgrandson Jul 2016
he eschewed the label,
“Native American,” for he was *****,
and he wasn't ashamed he liked his spirits
dollar wine worked as well

cirrhosis was a family trait
though he didn't learn the word until an army doc
admonished him, saying he would earn the curse
by 45, if he kept it up

and he did, even more after that crazy
Asian war, where he killed a half dozen men
they called yellow, though to Walter, they looked
to be his emaciated brown cousins

he could stand tall, straight
with a pint of rot gut in him, burning
his belly, but not causing his head to spin
though it helped him block them out:

those he did not know; those he
slaughtered like lambs with the gun they issued him;
those who inhabited a space just behind his eyes
whenever they closed, night or day

someone found him, in his pickup bed
dead from exposure, from too many years
on the bottle, too many dreams he tried to drown
and too many ghosts to haunt his nights

Gallup, New Mexico, 1999
part of a series, "Other Obits" in which I write about those who passed--those whose names and stories I conjure from my own space behind my eyes--though doubtless they are real, in life and death
spysgrandson Mar 2017
through her window, she watched
sun shafts through the trees, a transient
tapestry on her potholed lane

a half dozen eggs sat beside her bowl
ready to be beat for the scramble; a half dozen
hours after her street was alight with noise

first the pernicious pop of the zip guns
then the cops '38s; then the howling of the
sirens, the howling of the survivors

mostly Chico's mama and sister
who watched him gunned down, and tried to plug
his half dozen holes with their hands

the street doesn't remember, she thought,
even with a biography of black blood dried
in its cracks and crevices

if it did, surely it would protest, or
make a solemn sound when the dawn shed
all that honest light on dark death

she cracked the eggs, put them
in the hot lard, not bothering with the bowl
breaking yolks blindly in the black skillet
September, 1960
spysgrandson Feb 2015
the child said, the sky is crying
like any good God of years, I proclaimed it was  
pre-ci-pi-ta-tion, a rational explanation
for magic I was too young
to possibly understand
spysgrandson Mar 2014
what an audacious title!
she squealed, condignly

to speak of the soul, and more,
to enter the holy land
of priests, poets, seers,
and carnies

to discover the synovial moan
between one's craggy crafted countenance
and the invisible breath of god  
to find a place, backwards in time
that may lend itself to rhythm and rhyme
but will never settle silently on the page  

between the soul and the façade,
the mud in which we are stuck,  
a bonded place, in a travesty of space  
where a voice cries for help  
yet is never heard
*title is a paraphrase of something Truman Capote said--the poem itself is a departure for me; I rarely speak of the soul or other such abstractions directly, but I had writers block and this was all that came out
spysgrandson Mar 2016
dirt clods, actually
there were few stones
in the creek that separated
their apartments from ours

a creek, and income gap even we,
barely double digits old, could see
as clearly as the stream
between our worlds

in our battles, I missed
on purpose, as did most
of the Manor marines--never
did a clod hit me

our general, Rex, connected often
inviting obscenities from our opponents
but never did they cross the creek

if they had, it would have been
for naught, for we had won the war
before the skirmishes began

our pool, tennis courts, and club
were the arsenals that gave us the edge
and the Stuart Manor soldiers knew this
but chunked the dirt valiantly
all the same
spysgrandson Aug 2014
I confess
though thousands years have passed
since some barefoot soul called you
a god, I can't even recall the ennobled appellation
they gave you...Ra?

to those who carved on cool cave walls
your burning legacy was a  glimpse of gold infinity
to me, a wearer of shoes and master of plastic tools,
you are but a spec in the night, e pluribus unum,
a paltry 90 million miles from my spinning rock  

proudly proclaiming your *******  
you sear skins and sins of your followers
who supplicate to your filtered rays
while blithely ignoring, you number our days  
and will fizzle out like a sparkler, one finite July eve
who called you divine?
one of a handful of things I tried to write a week or two ago--just had to put something on the page whether I liked it or not
spysgrandson Jan 2015
two hydrogen
met one oxygen
a dance ensued
I am
Though I created the form, the 10 word poem, I rarely write them--I am invariably too verbose for this laconic form. Here, nevertheless, is my contribution to Jeffrey Shannon's 10 word poem challenge.
spysgrandson Aug 2016
between reality and imagination
between literal and figurative, the thin line,
is not there when I tuck my grandson in,  

all six wise years of him, and assure him
I’ll keep watch  to make sure  no dinosaurs come
and ****** him away in the night

but instead of feigned fright, he proclaims,
there are no more dinosaurs, for a meteor came,
and “****,” says he, they were all gone  

I don’t bother to tell him, some were incinerated  
in the blink of an eye, while millions of their cousins suffered
a slow, gray, choking fate in a forever winter  

still, he is content that I was there
to bid him goodnight, to turn out the light, and wage war
with whatever creatures remained to roam,

or stalk the streets outside  
his room, or any other gathering gloom  
in the spirit or in the flesh
based on a conversation with my oldest grandson--June 2014 I believe
spysgrandson Sep 2012
he don’t wait for night
to hop a freight
had his ears boxed and jaw busted
a time or two
by Santa Fe brakemen,
mean as steel
“Bones heal,”
he says
“I got places to go
Tishomingo,
where I bed Betty
and drink her homemade brew”
he don’t tell her he loves her, but
neither did her Mama, she sighs
he knows what she says is true
'cause his Mama was silent too
in her grave the day he was born
Daddy taught him to jump them trains
when you can,
not all this jabber ‘bout bein’ a man
keep rollin’ on those tracks
don’t look back to be a slave
to what’s behind
train’l take you where you need to be
Tishomingo, to Betty
if it don’t, that’s all right
Betty ain’t waitin’ up at night
and the train is free
spysgrandson Dec 2014
what
would you say, if
on your very last day  
they got your order wrong, at McDonald’s  
and when you told the pimpled faced nihilist
you asked for no pickles on your Big Mac (!)  
he stared at you through two gray sockets  
that floated on his face, like the eyes
of time    

what
would you think, if
on your very last day        
conjoined twins were born in Siberia  
and one would be deaf , the other left  
to listen for both for eternity, and feel
the black swell of loneliness,
even with blood of a brother
coursing through his veins  

what  
would you do, if  
on your very last day  
you could buy more time  
to create useless rhyme
and it would only cost…
ten cents    

what
would you know, if
during the veil of night, your heart
skipped a few beats, then thumped
a final time, while you were still dreaming
of a dance, under a gleaming sun,
and cherished daylight  
never to come
Still plagued by writers block--thought of this in the shower this morning. It never did get where I wanted it to go.
spysgrandson Apr 2017
she sits by her window to write,
ever fond of the morning light;
not a day passes when she fails
to pen an epistle to him

she envisions him pulling
the missives from his saddle bags
perusing them a second time, a third,
admiring her chancery cursive

a year now since she saw him:
steady on his steed, his regiment
waiting, eager to join the fray, to ride
north under his proud command

perhaps at eventide, she will
write another letter, in case she
forgot anything she intended to say
this morn, or just to reach out again
before the setting of the sun

a cloud passes as she signs
her name, another as she folds
the paper; soon it seems, a gathering
storm--she places the letter in the
envelope, its traveling home

she turns the candle to pour
the wax, then presses the seal;
another story from her to him
ready for its long journey

the stroll from her room
to the mantel in the parlor
to the pile of paper that grows
higher above the hearth

a cold cavern of late, for
without him, she eschews all
things warm--for she knows
he must be freezing in the
cruel ground where he fell

(Spartanburg, South Carolina, Winter, 1863)
spysgrandson Oct 2011
we are barren but not bare
to those who bother to stare
we are soaked in silent, sullen mist
but are simply happy to exist
in winter's cloaked passage of time

we speak softly in the fading light
of the fallen leaves, their plight
when strange souls plod on this sacred ground
we are careful to make no sound
save whimsical whispers in curious rhyme
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