At first it was about you
Seeing adornment in your eyes i tell myself
I have to break the cycle.
I HAVE to break this cycle

But
I don't know how
To stop
This cycle

At first it was about you
Wanting to show you the stars and the sky
Hear what you've seen in the clouds today
To show you the wonderment and beauty of this place
Not teach you how to be afraid

Then it was about me
Every breath of air I take
Disintegrates
And I exhale ash
How will I be better for you?
Be there for you? Grow you?
From the examples I've had?
It was about you
but now it's me?
Is that- selfish

I think...
It was both
You see
At first it was you
Because thats how I understood
But  it was me too
You were my physical
Manifestation
Of my
Inner
child

And as I learn to nourish you
my little love
By showing you the pine trees
The dew stained mornings
The great beauty of this place
That you-
We
Don't have to be afraid of
I will learn
to
nourish
my
Inner
Child

Can you not just see that I want your attention? I am so low to you that I'm not longer visible?
I am your blood, your child.
Yet you treat me like a stranger.
We used to be friends, you and I.
Telling stories, laughing at the kids at school in the stories I tell.
But then something inside of you clicked.
You changed.
No, you are by no means a monster, but who are you?
You are no longer a mother or a friend.
I miss snuggling, sprawled in the bed with you when I ditched school.
I missed sharing the Pepsi's you bought.
I miss you, mom.
So much has happened in these past months, where do I begin?
Without you I don't know how to express myself.
You were my motivation, now your gone.
I cried to you everyday about my sorrows,
now where is the shoulder I cried on daily?
I just miss my friend, my mom.
But things could never be the same,
we have drifted to far apart.

I used to be a happy carefree person, full of life and love.
The suddenly I realized
I was never really happy.
This is not the life I want to live.
I wanted a future and chance
I wanted goals and fulfillment.
The life I was living was not going to fill my needs.
I was in this dark drooling downward spiral of depression and I needed someone
but after all of the glamour was gone, the drinks were done, and the smoke had faded.
Everyone left right along with it.
I had the love of a family
That I barely had seen.
From 800 miles away these people expressed their care for me.
To me, this love was foreign.
I was to used to being used and stepped on.
I felt to alone and sad.
But then
A light
Shined on me in my darkest time.
I realized that these people I held onto didn't even care for me.
I had been drained dry and left to rot, but the voices from miles away came to save me.
Here I am.
Trying to be normal, for once in 3 years I am actually happy.
And I want it to stay this way for a long time.