Her eyes spoke stories her lips never told.
And as I gazed upon her porcelain skin....

I noticed the cracks.

I was so fixated by them.
Every thin line was beautiful.

She said she was broken,
but I didn't believe her at all.

To me she was a warrior.
A survivor.

You are love in all forms...
And with stars for eyes;
I pray that you can guide yourself
to the most beautiful existence.

- The Universe

The bed is empty.
I only set the table for one.

There are days I'll let my coffee get cold.
Because I'm day dreaming too much.

Loneliness has me in a slumber.
And I can't seem to wake myself up.

Your eyes speak love I've never felt.
And I'm dying to see what it feels like.

When you speak, I envy the words that get to touch your lips.
Because I want to be touching them with mine.

The snow will be falling.
Just as much as I am falling for you.

And we'll kiss just like we have always wanted to.

The feelings are so familiar yet still so new to us.

We're risking it all.
We're vulnerable.
We're terrified.

Yet I can't wait to see what happens next.

Beneath it all...
I still cower from the eyes of strangers.

Inside I am shaking.
Because when their eyes meet mine...
I have no place to hide.

There are no words to be spoken...

But sometimes I wish their lips would move.

I've forgotten where I stand...
As if the path has been walked without me.

Because I'm too concerned about myself.
Too concerned that I'm not pretty or proper enough.

Watching every move I make carefully.
Tasting the words that tend to slip out of my mouth.

Falling for the wrong things and people.

In time and space you'll find me...
Cornered in a dim room.
Still reading the same books.

Cuddling the same cat.

It will be as if nothing has changed...
But everything has.

Just wait and see.

I feel weightless...

The skies know too well.
A star far from home.
But I am shining brighter each day.

Because I want this.
I want all of it.

I miss you like the desert misses rain.
A love with a bitter sweet ending.

Can we begin again?
I hope so.

Our spirits are floating onward
Detaching at the seams

Our journeys have brought us closer
But now it’s time to leave

We bare scars from others love
Mine and yours is differently seen

Although we are going alone,

You’ll always be part of me.

I appear on the scene once more
But I don't want to be in the background on this one.

I feel like a star in middle of shining.
My shadow has become a cape I wear proudly.

This is who I am.

And who I am meant to be...

Has yet to be discovered,
adventures yet to be lived.

So I don't ask you for your hand...
I don't ask you for your time...

I ask because I'm a curious mind.

Most times you will find me silent.
Unwilling to put the thoughts into sentences.
But I promise you;
I will return.

Step by step,
Piece by piece,
We will examine each one on it's own.

We'll lighten the darkness a little,
And make it a more pleasant view.

Imagination I leave for you to decide what to do with.

I toss and turn.
Much like the sea.

I can no longer inhale the air you're breathing.

It's as if we are no longer words apart...
But chapters instead.
Maybe even further away than that.

I'm confused as to who you think I am.
I'm even more confused as to who you really are...

Do I wait?
Or should I keep turning the pages without you?

Believe me when I tell you that magic is real.
That right before your eyes things will change.

And for a split second everything dark, every shadow, seems to wash away as your world fills with color.

But in order for magic to be real...
You have to be real too.

I wish I could be normal.
I feel so ****** up sometimes.

I can't even be there for you...
In a social setting because people overwhelm me.

You say it's fine and not to be sorry.
You say I should do what makes me feel comfortable.

I feel stuck in between.

I do not fear the road before me...

Nor do I look behind.

I’ve seen storms of anguish and terror
I feel pain from wounds still not healing right.

The darkness no longer lingers...
as much as I thought it would.

And yet every ounce of my being...
Is still searching for the good.

My mind is full of curiousity...
For this new adventure ahead.

And you.

I wonder what your dreams are...
And how much of the world you have left to see...

Does your heart hold an anchor with a chain?
Or do you sail across yourself freely?

Are you willing to plunge into the depths of yourself and see every ounce of your existence?

Are you willing to see mine?

Nameless people pass me.
And in the crowd of blurring faces...
I search for you.

I know you're out there.
Somewhere.

And I just want you to know I'm here.

We're floating...
And before we know it,
we will hit the ground.

I question what may come from it.

I question a lot of things.
But it's all out of cautiousness.
My heart can't take the heat anymore.

The flames burn.
And I scar.
Remembering always what has happened.

But you...
As many times as I have told others 'this one is different.'
You feel different.

I have not touched your skin yet.
Or been able to gaze into your eyes as we lay side by side in bed.

I know you somewhat though.

I know that you're close with your family.
Especially your little sister who makes you laugh constantly.

I know that you've been hurt and mistreated by girls you loved kindheartedly.

I know that you're passionate about different things.
Like your career.
And your dreams.

You're humble.
And you know you are, but you never fake it.

And when I see you smile...
I know everything is going to be okay.

How simple it seems to be

With you.

The days fade out gently.
And I'm sipping on your energy tonight.
It glows brightly.
Like the stars.

Take me back to the swing set.
Where we first had dreams of who we'd be.

I was delusional and out of sink
to think that someone like you,

liked me.

But I ran with it.
All through the flower fields of adolescence.

Retracing steps to the place I called home.
Where I thought nothing could harm me.
Like you did.

Slowly the weight of the world
seems to fade

The more I fall in love with it.

And so the story goes about a little girl falling for a boy with a bad side.
That everything would happen for a reason.

But she didn't want to listen to it all.
She wanted to feel that sense of freedom.
That sense of feeling like SHE was in the spotlight on the dance floor.
With all eyes on her.

Just for that one moment...

She felt like she could love someone else more than she could love him.
That this love wasn't anything compared to what would happen next.
At any given time.
Any given place.
That she would meet someone.
And the magic would never die.
Even though this love taught her many lessons...
She felt as though she would find a love where she felt more appreciated.
Where you finally understand it.
That you feel fulfillment in life.
That you could live forever.
With no fear and only happiness.

Those snowy nights.
Where we'd run barefoot to the hot tub.

And we would watch the snow fall.
Taking in every minute of it.

We didn't live the normal life by any means.
But there were normal times.

So if you see me looking back, don't hesitate to speak.
Because you were apart of it just as much as me.

I'm lost.
Sometimes I don't want to be found.

Sometimes I want to scream.
Sometimes I don't want to make a sound.

Can I sleep for days?
I want to try for it.

Silence has filled the room.
I question if I like it or not.

The cat is napping beside me.

Nothing has changed.
It's just another day...

But people are wishing me a happy birthday.
And I am grateful they took time out of their Christmas to do so.

23 sure isn't how I planned it to be.

Sushi for one.
Streaming A Christmas Story.

I'm so interested to see what happens.

I see myself in strangers' habits.
How similar they seem.

Beneath these layers I'll unfold,
Dreams and darkening things.

I'm an artist.
I'm a poet.
I'm crazy.
I know it.

But I'm curious at heart and at mind.

I'm wild and I'll shelter that.
Until I feel you can handle it.

Let's see what happens with time.

The roads seem lonely.
My bed feels extra big.

The house is empty.
And so is my heart.

I feel powerless.

For as long as I can remember...
I have found such comfort in being alone.
But I've been fighting loneliness all of my life.

I don't know which side will win.
Or if this is even a game where there's winning and losing.

Sometimes I will feel so small and defenseless in this world...
And other times I feel like I could conquer it completely.

I'll hide from the outside world for days...
Sometimes even weeks.

But when I find the strength to show my face...
I find the most beautiful and inspiring things.

Yet I return back to my comfort zone...
Inside four walls that know all my secrets...
To a place I feel as though I can feel myself completely.

I’ve been fighting monsters
Darker than the sea

I’ve been moving mountains
I’ve been moving trees

Our love has ended abruptly
Shorter than we agreed
And now I must move on

Only looking out for me

Be strong...
Even when you feel the weight of the world.

The light shines within you.

Search deeply.

Why am I so self destructive?
I can create such beautiful things...
But then I destroy them.

I live with the pettiest of fears.
Ones I can ******* get over.

So why can't I get over them?

******* my destructive self.

I stay up late in the night...
In hopes the darkness
will devour me

And transform all that I am

Into all that I will be.

I lie beside you
But feel oceans apart

- disconnected

Who are you?
And who am I?

The night glistens with possibilities that could have been.

Where did it all begin and end?

Between us.

My mind keeps racing with thoughts of you.
And I'm wondering if this will ever go anywhere.

Or if it will only be late night conversations about life.
Then you'll disappear again for an unknown amount of time.

I'll keep thinking about you.
Regardless.

I am just confused as to where we stand.
Because this all seems one sided right now.
I always make the first move.

I keep wondering if you will make the first move at some point...
Or if we will just continue the dance of this unlabeled thing we have.

The world's still asleep...
It makes me feel more awake.

Because in this moment of mixed feelings,
Of tiredness and wiredness and anything in between...

I can sit back and watch it all spin.
Until I fall asleep.

We're traveling...
Distance means nothing.

Every hour passes quickly.

And then we're there.

Tonight I'll be in your arms.
We'll sleep soundly like we always do.

Tossing and turning...
But loving every minute of it.

When the sun shines through...
I'll kiss you good morning.

And we'll start our routine.

Just like we always do.

Goodnight seems to be the hardest thing to say.
Because I would stay awake for days just talking to you.

You're a mystery book I want to read every day.
A thriller I cannot put down.

If the stars would align in my favor...
They would lead you to me.

I feel a connection unlike any other.

So take my hand and let's start this adventure.
We're too young to feel this old.

Though our souls seem older than anyone else would ever imagine.

So here we are....
And as many mistakes as I have made...

I am wishing I would have never told you half of them.

Because giving me the cold shoulder is torture.
And you've been on my mind ever since we spent the night together.

It was so perfect.
So real.

And even through the smoke...
I could see who you really are.

I've been tossing and turning ever since.

My memories of you keep fading...

I've forgotten how your voice sounds.
And the way you smell when you've just stepped out of the shower.

The things I can remember range from heartache to love.
There are no in between moments...

I still remember the music you would play.
Or how relieved you looked coming home from work to see me.

But...
The heart ache seems to overpower it all.
As much passion as we had to keep it together...
We are just not meant to be.

I wish we could still speak the way we used to.
Or see where things would end up even just from talking...

But my heart tells me to stay away.
Because you built more walls than bridges.
And I cannot forgive you for hurting who I was and who I could have been then.

Now I am starting over...
It hasn't been easy with you still wandering across my mind from time to time...

But with every new day, you fade.
Just another stranger on the street.

I'm stuck in between who I've been and who I want to become.
The decisions are always more difficult now...
And my mind likes to dance around thoughts and ideas in order to cope.

I feel weak but not completely wounded.

I'm tired.
I want to sleep some.

The days seem to go by quickly but situations seem dragged out.

I don't know where to be or where to go.

So I stand here.

Swirling inside me is a message I've yet to decipher.
As I continue the search for my own peace of mind...
I fumble and trip with continuous confusion as to what is going on.

Reality is unreal at times.
Where it seems like the world is a Hollywood hit.

I'm watching this all continue.
I'm watching it all fall down.

I rise above it all...
I rise again every time I fall too.

I've become jaded and mediocre.

I know I can be better.
I'm pushing for that again.

Our eyes tell stories our tongues can't bare to speak.
So I'll strip them down to the root...
That seems to be as deep as the darkening sea.
I'm struggling to pull on the anchor
that's making my heart sink to them...

This piano is missing keys...
And I'm missing the music that was played on it.

Weeping willows are caressed by the summer breeze.
Where the fire flies wish to kiss the stars.

And my hand holds yours.

I never want to leave your side.
Never.

There are so many paths we don't take...
And I constantly am questioning what the other paths would lead to.

Why do I always waste thoughts on past loves?
Why am I always wondering what could have been?

I cannot ever seem to shake this feeling of missing out.
Even when I don't know what it is.

I'm lonely.
And you've all taken pieces of me you have yet to return.
And probably never will.

How can I trust anymore?
When all they do is leave...

They always leave...

And I often wonder what could have been...
Had they stayed...

It all comes back here and there...
The memories...
The noises...
What it feels like...

To live a life of bits and pieces...

...and to be reminded of the scattered soul I am.

Your entrance is welcoming.
A new flower in bloom.

Mystery fills the air
You light my curiousity

This bed is too big.
And I can't help but feel lonely.

Because deep down, the wounds are freshly scarring.

I fight the urge to look.

Sleepless nights have become routine.
My mind races my heart constantly.

So I lie here wondering where you are...
Whoever you are...

Hoping that you're out there...
Wondering where I am too.

You've shown the light to my darkness.
And the shadows fade away...

My demons seem to scatter.

They fall back into the corners of my mind...
Along with the regret I feel for my past mistakes.
Sometimes it weighs me down...
It keeps me up at night.

I am not perfect.

My wings are damaged...
Scars are visibly shown.

And you love me nonetheless.

Your heart has been healing mine.
And every day I wake up loving you more.
You're my goodnight kiss.
My dreams.

Your eyes remind me of every moonlit night.
I gaze into them.
Cherishing their beauty.

My soul dances with excitement when I think about you.
Because you gave your heart to me.

And for your love I am forever grateful.

With this journey we've started...
Baby, we've got it goin' on.

I've got a hand to hold and we've got things to do.
And I'll do everything with you.

We cruise through the streets of LA and Venice like we own it.
And in our world, we do.

Our coffee shop favorites with a hint of excellence.
The rest is up to us.

We're forgiving and forgetful.
We connect.
The corners of our minds meeting with complete excitement.

Our pasts haven't defined us.
And they won't.

We are the warriors.
Our bodies covered in scars.
The world has battled us since day 1.
But we've made it this far.