The wine is all gone.
And you've left me just as empty as the bottle.

I felt our chemistry was real.
That this connection was magical in a sense.

It all came crashing down in flames.

I'm scarred from the burns.

My heart aches with sadness for the love you pretended to give.
I lay here in bed with this painful pressure upon me.
It's heavy.

Heavy like the heart I carry I suppose.

I feel used.
I feel as though every conversation has been a lie on your end.

I am vulnerable.

I showed you my weaknesses.
I showed you my strengths.

I feel high from a drug I can no longer score.
The cravings are real.
The pain is real.

But I don't know if you're real.

I think you've disappeared for good now.
In my mind I keep thinking you will return to me.
And our late night conversations continue.

But so far that hasn't happened.
I wonder how long I'll keep caring anymore.

You had me in the palm of your hand.
I was willing to give you all that I am.

Down to the naked truth.
I'm sure we will never see each other now.
Even though that's all I've been wishing for.

I wish you would kiss me.
I wish you would put your arms around me.
But you won't.

Not now.
Probably not ever.

And I feel so empty from it.
Destroyed in a sense.
But I still have the strength to turn the other cheek I suppose.

I guess this is just what some people do.
If only I could move on and my heart wouldn't ache so much.

Whoever you are. Wherever we meet. I'm hoping you can read these words and maybe even read them again over and over.

I'm ready to stroll into love. I know love isn't all perfect days and calm nights. I know we will argue and get mad at each other. But I'm ready for you to find me. I'm ready to share smiles and laughter. I'm ready to binge watch series with you and enjoy similar things together. Like museums and coffee shops. I want a bookcase we can put our favorite stories upon. While we are making our own along the way.

I'm ready for hand holding and passionate kisses once we close our front door. I'm ready to discover the world with you. Whoever you are... I'm impatient with this. I've become vulnerable and fragile. I can only hope you'll make me realize how crazy all this sounds. Or you'll just laugh and kiss me good night.

I can't wait to look into your eyes for the first time. When our smiles meet, it will forever be burned in my mind how perfect it is.

I lie in bed wondering where you are and if you're thinking someone out there may be crazy enough to put up with your shenanigans. I'm thinking the same thing too. I have baggage. I have a past. Guilt. Shame. Happiness. I love hard. I want to be the one you can't see a day without. Because I want you to be that person I can't live a day without.

Being ignored is painful.
Because I'm left full of questions I wish to have answered.

I question if I did anything wrong or if you're feeling something you're not telling me.

You're not telling me anything at all.
I find it so frustrating.

Because this seems more difficult than it needs to be.
And I've tried reaching out to you.
But instead you ignore me.

I don't know why.
And maybe the best thing for me is to move forward from all of this.
To go back to before we even started talking.
Because I cannot keep having this reoccurring pain of loneliness waiting for you to come around again.
You always disappear at some point.
I'm tired of trying to get you to speak to me.
I'm tired of trying to get you to see me.
I'm tired of trying to get you at all.

My mind keeps racing with thoughts of you.
And I'm wondering if this will ever go anywhere.

Or if it will only be late night conversations about life.
Then you'll disappear again for an unknown amount of time.

I'll keep thinking about you.
Regardless.

I am just confused as to where we stand.
Because this all seems one sided right now.
I always make the first move.

I keep wondering if you will make the first move at some point...
Or if we will just continue the dance of this unlabeled thing we have.

I fall in love with strangers at shows.
Someone's eyes locking with mine.
And for a split second my heart races.
Because you never know if this could lead to something good.
They obviously have great taste in music...
I find that so attractive.
But in the end, our eyes kept meeting...
And we never did.

It makes my mind wonder what could have been.

Some days, I find it harder to get out of bed more than usual.
Like somehow it's the only comfort I can find in the world.
Or at least...
To distract me from the outside world.

Some days I would rather stay dreaming.
To be able to shed my skin and reveal my soul.

But no one ever looks close enough.
No one ever stays.

I feel socially awkward.
Terrified to strike up a conversation with a beautiful stranger.

I don't feel worthy of their presence.
Some days, I don't feel worthy at all.

So I lay in bed again.
Too awake to sleep.
Dreaming out loud.
Trying to motivate myself to get out of bed tomorrow morning with ease.

But I don't know if that will happen.