I fall in love with strangers at shows.
Someone's eyes locking with mine.
And for a split second my heart races.
Because you never know if this could lead to something good.
They obviously have great taste in music...
I find that so attractive.
But in the end, our eyes kept meeting...
And we never did.

It makes my mind wonder what could have been.

Some days, I find it harder to get out of bed more than usual.
Like somehow it's the only comfort I can find in the world.
Or at least...
To distract me from the outside world.

Some days I would rather stay dreaming.
To be able to shed my skin and reveal my soul.

But no one ever looks close enough.
No one ever stays.

I feel socially awkward.
Terrified to strike up a conversation with a beautiful stranger.

I don't feel worthy of their presence.
Some days, I don't feel worthy at all.

So I lay in bed again.
Too awake to sleep.
Dreaming out loud.
Trying to motivate myself to get out of bed tomorrow morning with ease.

But I don't know if that will happen.

As I gazed at her through the light...
I saw her fading.
She was transparent, predictable.
She was paper thin.
And through her skin...
The words began to surface.
I read them over and over...
Like the pages of my favorite books.
She had become my favorite book.
And I never want it to end.

So here we are....
And as many mistakes as I have made...

I am wishing I would have never told you half of them.

Because giving me the cold shoulder is torture.
And you've been on my mind ever since we spent the night together.

It was so perfect.
So real.

And even through the smoke...
I could see who you really are.

I've been tossing and turning ever since.

Come be broken with me.

Others have damaged our trust.
And I have gained more fear than courage from it.

I know you have too.

I can't promise you fearlessness or perfection.

But I can promise you that I will try my best to feel better than okay.

For as long as I can remember...
I have found such comfort in being alone.
But I've been fighting loneliness all of my life.

I don't know which side will win.
Or if this is even a game where there's winning and losing.

Sometimes I will feel so small and defenseless in this world...
And other times I feel like I could conquer it completely.

I'll hide from the outside world for days...
Sometimes even weeks.

But when I find the strength to show my face...
I find the most beautiful and inspiring things.

Yet I return back to my comfort zone...
Inside four walls that know all my secrets...
To a place I feel as though I can feel myself completely.

I thought I could brace myself from the impact.
Just in case things went in a direction I didn't want them to.

But alas, 'let's just be friends' hurt harder than getting hit by a truck.

The funny thing is, I had a feeling about it.
One of those...
It seems too good to be true, so it probably is.
**** me.

I feel like an idiot.

And as my friends kiss my newly bleeding wounds...
They tell me this is an experience not a mistake.

Even though I feel like this is a repeat cycle of mistakes.
I always seem to think 'okay this one is different I am certain.'

Only to figure out that I was completely wrong.

I leap into things....
This I know.

But when I love...
I love hard.

And I guess I crash just as hard when it all falls down.

I continue to wonder if I have learned my lesson...
But I don't think I have.

Because I keep repeating things.

I like to think I can spot red flags instantly...
But this one...
This one tricked me pretty well.