I feel lost in a world I know little about.
And I carry everything with me.
Because it is all I have.

Even if it gets heavy...
I don't want you to lift a finger of it.

Deep down I crave for someone to lighten the load.
But I refuse.

If you were to walk with me though...
I would feel so much better.

Your voice strengthens me to keep going.

I'll sip this whiskey like you sipped glances at me.
I'm buzzed thinking of your smile.

It was like we took small steps before we leaped.
And here we are wanting to risk it all...
But still trying to shield ourselves just in case we are wrong.

I can't tell you what the future holds.
But if you're by my side, I think we might be able to rule the world.

It's hard for me to read you.
Everything is still so new.
But I am trying my best to understand.

I want to be the mature adult with the heart of a child.
Who is afraid to grow up but also afraid not to.

I'm torn between the past and present.

Going to bed, replaying the day's events.

Questioning if I have learned from pasts mistakes...
Or if I have repeated them.

For me, the first rough draft is always the hardest.
I'm filled with questions, worries, and excitement.

Because I feel like we have the potential to be something amazing.
I just often wonder if you feel the same.

But I have to remember this is just our first draft.
And that I live in my mind more than my entire body.
I always try to be two steps ahead...

So I can look back and see the outcome.
If it's bad, my heart has been saved by me being cautious.
If it's good, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I don't know why I am like this.

We're floating...
And before we know it,
we will hit the ground.

I question what may come from it.

I question a lot of things.
But it's all out of cautiousness.
My heart can't take the heat anymore.

The flames burn.
And I scar.
Remembering always what has happened.

But you...
As many times as I have told others 'this one is different.'
You feel different.

I have not touched your skin yet.
Or been able to gaze into your eyes as we lay side by side in bed.

I know you somewhat though.

I know that you're close with your family.
Especially your little sister who makes you laugh constantly.

I know that you've been hurt and mistreated by girls you loved kindheartedly.

I know that you're passionate about different things.
Like your career.
And your dreams.

You're humble.
And you know you are, but you never fake it.

And when I see you smile...
I know everything is going to be okay.

I thread lightly across these new discovered feelings...
Because my heart cannot take anymore battles.
I fear it would lose.

So I question myself every step of the way.
Trying my best to see over the horizon.
Just to see what is coming my way.

It's tough though.
It feels like all the other times.
But this walk feels slightly different.
The same old feelings.
But my mind and heart tell me to keep walking.

I'm trying to be cautious.
So badly.

But I'm also excited.
As well as terrified.

The thing that gets to me the most is...
My curiosity.

She dances alone because that’s what she’s used to.
But she doesn’t care.

Her eyes hold dreams she’s never told anyone.

And when the sides of her mouth curl…
A smile she’s kept hidden for so long starts to shine.

She keeps her thoughts to herself.
Bottled up and tossed in the endless sea that she calls her mind.

Sometimes she opens one.
And from there she rediscovers inspiration.

She holds onto photographs and ticket stubs.
Anything that means something to her.

She complains when she forgets to drink her hot tea.
But will still drink it anyway.

When the sun sets, she wakens.
She enjoys the silence of the night.

She’ll trust you with secrets.
She’ll trust you completely.

Until you give her a reason not to.

Your eyes speak love I've never felt.
And I'm dying to see what it feels like.

When you speak, I envy the words that get to touch your lips.
Because I want to be touching them with mine.

The snow will be falling.
Just as much as I am falling for you.

And we'll kiss just like we have always wanted to.

The feelings are so familiar yet still so new to us.

We're risking it all.
We're vulnerable.
We're terrified.

Yet I can't wait to see what happens next.

Silence has filled the room.
I question if I like it or not.

The cat is napping beside me.

Nothing has changed.
It's just another day...

But people are wishing me a happy birthday.
And I am grateful they took time out of their Christmas to do so.

23 sure isn't how I planned it to be.

Sushi for one.
Streaming A Christmas Story.

I'm so interested to see what happens.