Back and forth my mind seems to go.

The thought of you drives me wild.
But I'm terrified.

You could be everything I ever wanted.

Yet I'm so scared that you'll only be best as a day dream.

I keep questioning if I should follow you down.
Or just keep walking the other way.

Do you feel guilty?
Is that why you still have words to say?

Has my silence started to eat away the bitterness you've always had?

Or maybe it's the holidays that make you feel something at all.
That cold, cold heart of yours seems to be heating up again...

I won't fall for it again this time.

You may still have a hold on me in ways...
But I am standing taller than ever before.

Try.
Try all you want.

But the results are always going to remain the same.

Nothing.

The bottle of wine is almost empty...

And I'm singing along to the 90's songs I've always listened to.


Nothing can stop me now.
So here I sit.
With my cat in my lap who is sleeping peacefully.

Spending a Wednesday night alone.

Fear holds my hand.
But I keep walking.

I'm scared to death.

Inside and out.

You can tell.

And even with this mask of confidence...
It shows through the cracks that are forming.

What if you are expecting something more?
What if I am not what you think I am?

I think I've been myself all along...
I'm just curious to see what you think.

The bed is empty.
I only set the table for one.

There are days I'll let my coffee get cold.
Because I'm day dreaming too much.

Loneliness has me in a slumber.
And I can't seem to wake myself up.

I lie here with fear tucked away behind the darkest curtains.

Silence soothes my heart.
The chill puts me at ease.

And with the tears I shed, there is no relief...
Just a sudden sense of reality.

I am aware of the lonely nights ahead of me.
The nights where my bed feels too big.
And my nightmares toy with my mind.

When you're not here, I'm scared.
Frightened of myself.
Of my thoughts...

Behind every closed door lies a secret.
And mine you pretty much know.
But they are still starving...
Eating away at me.

It feels like so long ago...
Although it hasn't been.

It may seem like I'm heartless...

But deep down, I knew what we had wouldn't last.

As much as I tried to show you the light...
Your darkness consumed you...
And for a while...
It consumed me.

We sat there...
Getting high and playing music.
We were just too **** comfortable.

I don't want that.
Not anymore.

Such fearful walks I would take...
Just to talk with you...
Egg shells felt more like glass.

And you watched me bleed.

In my mind I thought I could fix you.
In my heart I wanted to show you love.

You took it all for granted.

And yet sometimes I wonder how you're doing.
As much as I want to hate you, I can't.

But you will never hear from me again.