So maybe this chapter needed to be read again.
Because somewhere between the first few dates and fights...
I got lost.

I'm wondering if opening it up repeatedly has accomplished anything at all.

It's as if we are two very different people who just ache for each other's heart.
But nothing else.

I question what could have been.
If I had stayed writing new chapters with you...

But I have to remind myself...
The tears were real.
That as much as I wanted to stay, I wanted to leave just a little bit more.

And maybe you'll wish upon your birthday candles that I'll come home.

Chances are though, it won't come true.

Because as much as I want you to be happy...
I just cannot be a part of it any longer.

I only know how to hurt...
To walk these roads alone.

I will break your heart.
The question is when?

The suspense will **** you before you ever know.

And I am suffocating with thoughts.

I will hurt you just so you will leave.
So that you will know how cold I really am.

I may not be the girl you know.
At least...
Not anymore.

There was no mask upon my face.
And maybe the feelings were true.

But over time those feelings seemed to fade.
And when I saw you...
I didn't recognize you.
Just a stranger.

We are just...
Strangers.

The wound is still fresh.
And my heart isn't fully committed.

So I'll lay out all the pieces...
And move on without them.

My mind keeps these scars hidden from the world.
And while I lose every ounce of my sanity...
I hope you know that I love you.

Everything seems harder than it is.
I have no complaints.
No real struggles.

And yet sometimes I struggle to live...
Sometimes...
Even to love.

The darkest thoughts come out to play.
And they never seem to tire.

So I lie here.
Not being able to control myself.

Silence is my favorite enemy.
And I bathe in the chaos it causes my mind.

These episodes play like reruns on television.
Every word is used.
Their voices echo.

And I start to believe them over and over again.

We're traveling...
Distance means nothing.

Every hour passes quickly.

And then we're there.

Tonight I'll be in your arms.
We'll sleep soundly like we always do.

Tossing and turning...
But loving every minute of it.

When the sun shines through...
I'll kiss you good morning.

And we'll start our routine.

Just like we always do.

You've shown the light to my darkness.
And the shadows fade away...

My demons seem to scatter.

They fall back into the corners of my mind...
Along with the regret I feel for my past mistakes.
Sometimes it weighs me down...
It keeps me up at night.

I am not perfect.

My wings are damaged...
Scars are visibly shown.

And you love me nonetheless.

Your heart has been healing mine.
And every day I wake up loving you more.
You're my goodnight kiss.
My dreams.

Your eyes remind me of every moonlit night.
I gaze into them.
Cherishing their beauty.

My soul dances with excitement when I think about you.
Because you gave your heart to me.

And for your love I am forever grateful.

In silence I find my voice....
The one that's been aching to speak.

Where the thoughts darken...
And my mind wanders searching for the light.

If they follow me home I promise you...
That I won't let them in the door.

Our light can out shine anything.
Our love keeps us warm.

Their coldest hearts are no match.
Our love is forever more.

In our darkest past we have seen the glimpse of light.

And we don't want to go back.
No, we don't want to stare back anymore.