There are too many themes running through my head. My thoughts are running away when I tell them "I want to know you". Perhaps I am running. God, I talk weird. Do I really think this way? Do I speak this way? I FEEL LIKE A WISP. AM I REALLY HERE?

There is indiscriminate chatter on the subject of Burger King, happening below me.

And I am alive to the memories I put away, the ones I forgot to hang up in the windows of my mind.

Alive for only a moment, though.

I am a shoe wearing a horse
Let me kiss your elbow
it’ll only hurt for a year and seven days.

Covering a faceless tear session
Losing it all before my eyes
Mentality breaking
Physically erupting
I feel like imploding
But these gentle rain drops
Cease the fire in me
Before the pressure is built
It takes time to erase thick lines
But these clouds overhead threaten existence
Painted portraits pixelating
As the sky unveils
More tears I never cried

I can smell the wax burning
20 candles I dont want to blow out
In only 5 hours
I'll have learned 20 more lessons
On how to be a man
They never teach this in school
How to provide for your own
How to love without getting hurt
Its only mathematics and history
Neither which will save me
From dreading the day
I hear infant cries from across the hall
How do prepare for adulthood
When the world only wants to watch you fail
I have 20 birthday candles to blow out
On only a donut
While I'm speeding through traffic
Rushing to work
Because my alarm didn't go off
How do just grow up
When nobody teaches you about life
Its not a manual you can read
Its not a book you can check out
Its just something you learn the hard way
So before you ask me who gave me
Black eyes and broken bones
Know life has been beating the **** out me
Because I was never ready
For a life where only you
Stood before judges and juries
Sentenced to death
For murdering the voices
You grew tired of hearing
20 years I've struggled
Nothing ever got better
I'm still begging
Someone teach me
Before I face tomorrow

He's the person I've loved in a way that I haven't loved anyone else, he's the person I call when I'm about to cry, he's the person I call when I'm happy. He knows me more than I know myself and I've memorized every single detail about him. I'm too attached. Way too attached to let go now but it's a matter of trust and loyalty. No matter what I end up thinking about him, nothing's ever too distracting enough to make me stop thinking about him. I'm lost and confused and doubting the idea of us still being together. He completes but somehow there's something missing. Love's a ****** up feeling and I'd rather be numb right now than feel everything at once. I want to open up to my friends without sounding like a weak and helpless person and my friends tell me things I don't want to hear. I used to say I was strong enough and I know my worth but **** when it comes to love everyone's weak and helpless. and one thing's for sure there are no happy endings in this messed up world.

you probably thought i was dumb for looking at you like that,
but i couldn't even help it.

i can't help it.
and that's what scares me the most.

I've been abused by poverty
And a mother whose lips have a velvet tongue of lies and unfulfilled promises.

I forgot what it was like to make you laugh until today when you reminded me that something so heavenly really does exist here on Earth.