I looked at my shoes and sat down.
A moment of clarity undefined.
You said "if It didn't happen now it would have happened anyways" like a bad slide tackle from behind alway does.
For obvious reasons, that logic fell short on me.
How would you like me to take that as I untied the knot and let the shoe fall to the ground?
I sat on the ground and watched the shoe lay there in silence.
Thought to myself, if a shoe falls in the forest, does it make any noise.

{My heart was pumping at cruising speed and I thought I was playing to win the match, but what was I really doing?}

Should I take off the sock and see my foot?  Exposing the tender skin and scars that you know we're already there?  Take a walk and see how the ankles, just freshly kicked and bleeding, reels under pressure?
Maybe I'll just give you this shoe and see how you think it fits and if it's comfortable enough to play in.

Exploring what sits at the heart
of the abstract acidic junkyard I've got.
Hallucinating gases produce a wild story
that starts off walking
in search of a new wrinkle.

You think you're angry inside?

half-speed heart-murmur salvation
knows how to have a micro-attack
on a super duper level.

you don't see skies or trees

I am so used to the liquid electronic desert,
the second the doors open
I get higher when i get inside.

Warm headlights cut through the muggy latenite
of the strange *******.
All the anger, frustration and pain
shift to
primitive energy (skin tight and mad doper than smack).

does it get surreal?

The desire for an invasion of your body is like a suspicion
overloading the ocean of ones and zeros.

the reservoir is full again.
planetary evolution is merely a diversion.

Look, mommy, there is an airplane in the sky.

*pleasure

i cranked my music box harder
only to stop and hear it echo in the void we created.

i cranked my music box harder
so that you could hear where i was
in this darkness that you created.

i was waiting. wanting.
you used to have such a loud music box
and i would listen to it for hours
and i would put money in the monkey's cup

i cranked my music box harder
but nothing came out.
a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it.

-------

i saw you on the corner cranking your music box
but i'm trying not listening to your music anymore.
ignoring your monkey that now wants to rattle it's tin cup at me.
putting my headphones on and listening to my own music as i crank along.

Pinball bullpress sizes me up
to see if i can fly.
Straight like an arrow
into the heart of darkness.

they say she's strong enough to withstand
a good piercing, of sorts.
But I know it's all a front.
She protects an achilles heel
that is spread like a blanket
across her soul.
Warm and dark like a cave.
Aware that I'm flying like a bat
hot on the trail of a sweet rock grab.

There's a pain in my back.
Moved my arm to touch you
and feel the clouded steam shovel
rip into what grounded me.
Roll over and save it for that rainy day
that may never ***.

That's funny cause i thought
you were so warm yesterday.

Does it
reel them in?
Does it
really matter?
Does it
make you see any clearer,
and will you
respect me in
the morning?

Today I can stick out my chest.
I Feel like the ****,
King of the DIN
and other ambient noises.
But enough about me,
Strap your girlfriend in
And thank god she has a mix tape
that she can
******* to.
(see me.
hear me,
feel me...)
as the last teardrops fall
from her heart.

thoughts
that burst out of the bottle
like overly carbonated japanese sodas
that the marble has dropped into.
Your transgression,
making me feel like ive stepped over the line again.
Opened myself up to the air again
making the blood clot and dry again
waiting to be broken and bleed again
leaving me with inevitable failures...again.
2 left feet;
a cow that will not give milk;
drink up and taste the empty victory.

what are we now?
are we friends?
i know we aren't lovers,
but i'd love to hold you
move into you and make you know that i'm here.
Touch your face and see some sort of recognition in your eyes.
Know that you are aware.
Aware that I want you in ways that go bump in the night,
that open me up for deeper hurt or for something electric.
Little shocks that would make you think about where we were
and where we could be.
But I'm failing.
like chemistry gone awry.
Missing the right substrate to suspend it, hold it together.
The right reaction to our action?
Something to let us know that it was right or wrong.
are you thinking what i'm thinking?

doth I offend?

Waking up to watch you leave wasn't enough.
The kisses you left like a small tip
on the table
only made me miss you more
as the sun rose
and lit the suffocating trees up.
What were you looking to gain by coming and going in darkness?
Telling me I wasn't paying attention to your choice in night clothes that were buried in sheets and blankets at night?
I was there for you,
but,
I forgot to keep trying,
Forgot about the time I was buying.