would you love me if
i become a skeleton again
thats what they all want me to be

if i start again i will be

how many drinks will it take to
******* off my mind

i remember drinks have calories but drink them anyway

i wasn’t always a bad person
promise

she said
she doesn't want to think about me
but
i want to think about her

so i do and the ghost comfort me
but strangle my bones

the past has become me

there is nothing left to do
except
cry and smoke

a drink or two,
wash it away
a kiss from a stranger,
take it away,

the worst thing about loving you
was knowing you would leave me
and do everything you could
to forget
what i never can

as a ghost,
as an echo,
a past lover will wait forever

every time i say your name out loud
i know i shouldn't
it's like voldemort
or something

or maybe you're my
candyman
because i see your face in mirrors
when i say it

and when i don't

i'm sorry i'm not good enough yet

maybe someday
i will be

i thought of killing you
so many times it became normal
in my head anyway
in a way, it seems alright
and i haven’t decided if i’d want to get away with it yet
or not

i walked thirteen miles in a circle today after work
to utilise any chance of crossing our paths
knowing it will go one way
or another

either we fall in love with each other
or fall in love with the hatred we have for each other

there is no other way

but it’s been like
four days
or something
and i have been sipping wine
in the morning
and whiskey in the evening

where did you go

it’s like you knew i was hurting
so
you just let go

when i fell
you caught me

at least the first few times

did you miss
did i crush you

it’s been like
five days now

was it my fault
or
was it yours

beauty shines from all she has
life was lackadaisical back then
but now all i feel is cold towards
people, things, even friends
january drew a sharper knife than i’d ever seen before

because the only thing worse than feeling the sharpest pain in the world
is feeling nothing at all

six or seven walls having been rising around me
and i threw the whole world away because i didn’t want it
only because it didn’t want me

one of the walls will hit me and i will
run around in circles, and circles and circles
until i run run run, straight into you
feeling everything again

You’re with him again,
And I’m still here,

No-one has said a word yet.

Across the room I move,
So I am closer but further away
If anything happens,
I don’t want to see.

Inside I want to smash glass across my hands and yours
Just so I can kiss it better for us both

He’s here again
And I want to leave

You know I’m scared as you sense it
He is a shark, as are you

Rain patters, I patter
Slowly
Don’t look at me

I’m doing this for you, you know
I’m doing this for you

Rough hands make there way to my throat
I don’t want to feel anything anymore

I whisper, please don’t touch me
I whisper, I’d rather die

You scream.