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9.4k · Mar 2013
Time passing with a friend
Ranita Mar 2013
9:00pm: We hugged and chatted. Your sister joking with us, your brothers being silly. I love your siblings.

9:30pm: We went hunting for gear. Your dad helped us find sleeping mats and told us where to find some tarps.

10:00pm: We climbed onto the fort and made our beds. I swept the bugs and pine needles away. I remember thinking, I hate pine needles. Why Florida trees, why?

10:30pm: We made tea and got ready for bed. I love chamomile tea. Lots of sugar. Washing off my makeup was easy with your sister's fancy face wipes.

10:45pm: We climbed into our sleeping bags. I was warm. I love the plaid pattern of the sleeping bag I always use.

11:00pm: We ate snacks, drank tea, and talked. Poptarts are so good late at night. Better than in the morning. And the hot tea felt so good against the chilling breezes.

11:30pm: I turned off the flashlights. I liked it better that way. I like hearing only voices, not seeing the person. My hearing what they say feels amplified that way.

11:30pm: I laid on my back and realized how pretty the trees are. The sky was orange, oddly lit up more than normal for that time of night. Few clouds drifted in the sky.

12:00am: I poured the story out to you.

12:05am: I began watching the moon cross the sky. It was very orange and it moved faster than I imagined it would.

12:30am: I got a text.

1:00am: I proposed an adventure. I wanted to do something. I wanted not to have to think for a while. I like late night happenings. And I like not being alone.

1:15am: We got off our lazy butts and went to the garage. I started riding the ripstick. I picked it up right away and didn't fall which was new for me.

1:30am: You taught me how to longboard. It was fun, though I kept forgetting which way I would put my feet.

1:45am: We started riding bikes. I love your mom's bike. It's so smooth and easy to ride..but it clicks sometimes in weird ways. I liked the clicking too.

1:50am: ***** it, I didn't want to reply.

2:00am: We rode through the neighborhood. I love the houses in Naples..

2:05am: I fell in love with the night sky. It was beginning to look more like the normal dark blue rather than orange. The stars started to peek through better.

2:10am: The cold air made my blood rush. I was wearing such warm clothes, but the wind went straight through. I loved going fast, racing you. Speed is beautiful on a bike.

2:15am: I never wanted the night to end. I wanted to ride late at night forever.

2:35am: The silence was so beautiful. We would be quiet for short bits. I liked the pictures my mind created during that time.

2:40am: I wished I had his time stopping watch. I always wish I did.

2:45am: We started the ride home. My breathing got pretty rough. Cold air always hurts my lungs. But it was so worth it.

3:00am: We put the bikes away and crawled back into bed. I loved the fort so much..

3:10am: You fell asleep.

3:15am: The moon was higher in the sky. It was clear and white and full.  I could see it perfectly. Peeking through the trees. I fell asleep slowly. Loved it all.
Sleepover at a friend's house. That night was lovely. The next day was beautiful as well.
Florida weather has its perks.
3.1k · Jan 2013
Internet Communication.
Ranita Jan 2013
Why do you even exist?
You make yourself look so pretty.
You put on your makeup of convenience.
Your gown of simplicity.
But in reality, you are a thief.
You are stealing from me.
You steal the value of personal contact.
You steal the value of a kindly written letter.
You steal the value of words.
I feel so betrayed.
I believed your pretty little lies.
But you tricked me.
You were not real.
You are no longer my friend.
Internet Communication.
2.7k · Feb 2013
Late night poetry.
Ranita Feb 2013
I cry because I'm lonely, I cry because I'm scared.

I cry because I can't move out, I cry because I cared.

I can only tell a story, and I can because it's mine.

Although it's still a secret, and I tell you that I'm fine.

I lie because I love you, and I don't want you to know.

I bottle up my feelings, and hardly ever let them go.

I'm sorry I'm so lonely, I'm sorry I'm so scared.

I'm sorry that I can't move out,

But mostly,

I'm sorry that I cared.
2.5k · Mar 2013
The lion and the doe.
Ranita Mar 2013
In the greenest meadow,
With the clearest stream,
And the bluest sky,
There lived a lion.
His mane golden and his teeth white.
He had not yet tasted the flesh of deer.
On the other side of the meadow,
There lived a doe.
Her fur was a silken brown.
She knew not of lions.
The lion saw the doe, and was in awe.
She was clean, she was beautiful.
He wanted a taste.
He spoke to her in low, calming tones.
Speaking to her lovely lies.
He said he craved a taste of her flesh.
She fell for the lion.
The doe wanted to please the lion.
She offered him a taste.
So he tasted.
But the lion couldn't control his hunger.
He tore at her flesh.
Wounding the deer.
The green grass turned red.
The sky grew dark.
When he had enough, he got up.
He looked at her.
He growled, he hissed, he walked away.
He wanted no blame for his own doing.
The doe nursed her wounds.
And the water turned red.
She grew strong again.
Washed clean by the stream.
The grass green again.
The sky blue.
But her scars remained.
The silken fur turned ragged.
The doe had a friend.
One with much shinier fur.
One more beautiful than she had been.
One that was unable to stand on her own.
Her friend was weak.
Weary from running.
She also did not know of lions.
The doe told her of the lion.
Showed her the scars.
Her friend saw, and hated the lion.
Or so she said.
The sky grew dark again.
The lion came back.
His mane with deep red in it.
His teeth bloodstained.
The doe was wary.
The doe knew he was flesh-hungry.
Her scars ached.
And she knew.
Her friend was in danger.
I am fury. I am pain. I am washed. I am stained.
I am the doe. I run from the lion.
My friend does not.
She should know better.
Ranita Mar 2014
I still have too long a life ahead
To get rid of these feelings, right?
I want to try doing over
The things I've left undone.
I thought I was running after
Something carried over from my dreams.
Yet I'm stumbling into people
On this narrow, winding road.
It's not like I want to go back
To the way things were back then.
I'm just searching for the sky
I've been losing.
Here's hoping you'll understand.
Stop making that sad face
As though you were a victim.
Sins don't end with tears
You have to carry the pain forever.
Who am I waiting for, in this maze of emotions
With no way out in sight?
I want to purge myself more simply
As if writing in a blank notebook.
What is it I want to escape from..
...Is it reality?
It makes me want to scream that we're alive
For things to come true.
Can you hear me?
I can't put up with playing it safe.
I've got nowhere to go home to.
I'm always grateful for kindness
That's why I want to grow stronger.
(I'm on my way)
I even welcome this pain
For the things I miss.
Wanted to have a written copy of the lyrics for myself. Couldn't find an exact translation though, so I took my favorite version from what is shown in the show on Netflix.
2.1k · May 2013
In your mind
Ranita May 2013
In your mind, you believe you are like artists you listen to.
Like their deep, meaningful lyrics relate to you.
In your mind, you think yourself to be clever.
Your little sayings and sarcasms so devious.
In your mind, you believe that you are a hipster.
Ironically saying yolo and swag.
In your mind, you think that you have inside jokes.
I tend to think that they are just with yourself.
Maybe that's just it.
It's all in your mind.
1.9k · May 2015
Male companionship
Ranita May 2015
It just really ***** dude
How all I want
Is a brother
A guy to listen to me
I had the perfect brother
He's been gone
Only a year
And it gets worse
Every single day
1.9k · Aug 2013
Jealousy
Ranita Aug 2013
I am here to describe something.
I know jealousy.
I feel it in my heart.
When I see a painting,
When I see a sketch,
When I see a pattern,
When I hear a song.
Others have found their medium.
I am still searching.
And wanting...
Wanting and wanting and wanting.
I know jealousy.
I look at my art...
And it isn't good enough for me.
1.6k · Sep 2012
Written in my journal
Ranita Sep 2012
Behind the youth room, sitting on the pavement, I think of past times.
I sit quietly and submerse my mind in the memories…
And I wonder, if I leave, will I ever come back and do this again? Feel the sweet nostalgia?
Will I tell my kids about these memories?
Will I tell them about the ones that haunt me as well? The ones I wish I could forget?
I think I will. I wish my parents had emphasized on the horrific things those memories do to you.
Weeds overrun Ashleigh’s and my old meeting place.
Our drainage grate where we told secrets have been overtaken by bushes.
“My chest hurts a lot today.” “And when I look back, I see you waving”
-Grizzly Bear, Fix it
Ranita May 2015
Thoughts adrift near and far
Wandering as a dandelion seed
It flies preforming for me
Swirling up down all around
At last it lands on my shoulder
I take the seed in my hands to see
Definiteness is lofty - out of reach
All I know is
-----nothing-----
The End
1.3k · Oct 2021
This isn’t a poem
Ranita Oct 2021
I still love you
But I don’t think I really knew you
Can my heart stop this please
1.1k · Feb 2013
Innocence.
Ranita Feb 2013
Ice skates and two bite brownies
I don't know what innocence is
Walls, I need walls.
Darkest rooms and beige hallways
In an instant, stolen.
Run, run away.
Leather sofas and pure accidents.
What is happening to me?
Stop this, stop it now.
Tinted windows and background music
What have I done?
Walls, run, stop.

Please, just stop.
1.0k · Mar 2013
Repetition strips reality.
Ranita Mar 2013
I'm terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
Completely terrified.
Frozen in terror.
It's terrifying.
They're terrifying.
I'm terrifying.
You're terrifying.
I'm terrified.
Terror.
Terrified.
Good.
Repetition strips reality.
Terror doesn't sound real.
Not anymore.
Brain tricks are fun.
I use weird things like this all the time.
I make myself believe something when reality is terrifying.
What?
1.0k · Sep 2012
Searching Myself
Ranita Sep 2012
What am I these days?

I feel as though I am a phantom.

Walking through this life

Without a purpose, without a care

But I know that is false.

The words of the devil.

I am a daughter of His.

But I am like the prodigal son.

Eating with the pigs.

I want to feel Him.

Hear Him.

See Him.

Yet how can I allow it?

The way that I am.

I should be cast into Hell.

I chose imperfection.

Over Perfection.

Can I just change my mind?

Fall in love with Perfection?

All over again?

I hear that I can.

I feel His voice.

In the back of my head.

Answering, Yes..yes.

My darling, I miss you.

Let me hold your cares.

Let go. Be free.
Ranita Sep 2012
Fingers run through my hair
Air whips my skirt
Invisible force pushes me back
Gentle hands brush my arm
My eyes flinch with the stronger gusts
The cool brings chills to my skin
My mind feels relaxed and free
874 · Feb 2022
Emotional abuse
Ranita Feb 2022
Slow burn
Softly dying
Six years
Little by little
Chipping away
Degrading sanity
Take advantage of
Unrequited love
I just wish
You didn’t let me do this to you
873 · Jul 2022
Empty
Ranita Jul 2022
Flirting with every woman on the planet
I’m not attracted to you as a person
You’re killing me smalls
There’s nothing in your soul to entice me at all
Ranita Oct 2021
I hate the color yellow
I hate the color pink
I hate blue and green together
Is there any piece left that’s me?

My clothes all feel tainted
They all remind me of you
It is so hard to feel myself
Stupid wardrobe I can’t afford to renew

Can I still like essential oils
Are these journals even me?
I don’t even like anything
It’s so hard to feel pretty

My plants are all dying
My family is scared
I can’t carry everyone’s bags
I’ve been losing so much hair

Everything I write is sad
I feel that if he knew he wouldn’t care
I loved him as hard as I could
He is the harshest tear

I was never enough
And it’s only after I can see
Hindsight is 20/20
My love…I was all I was able to be
803 · Jan 2013
The Art of Simplicity
Ranita Jan 2013
Complications fade
They fade to little things.
Almost non existant.
The art of simplicity, a friend.
Always comforting me.
Reminding me
That yesterday is nothing.
That today is easy.
And tomorrow is freeing.
Ranita Nov 2012
I keep telling people,
"Art is my enemy."
"I haven't drawn in months."
"I don't like this piece."
"I'm close to giving up."
And then my mind...
It decides not to care.
I can draw without restraint.
And I do.
And I like it.
But then I am sent into self doubt,
All over again.
So when I draw something good,
Don't worry, I'm surprised too.
Ranita Oct 2014
Every word
dances off your lips
and into my ears.
Whenever you speak,
all I hear
is poetry.
And I cannot help
But smile.
747 · Apr 2013
Go die in a hole.
Ranita Apr 2013
He said she said.
Crying little girls.
Tumblr posts read.
Stolen white pearls.

No.
Just no.
Go.
Just go.

Go die in a dark dank hole.
725 · Mar 2013
My Ocean of Life.
Ranita Mar 2013
Lost in a sea of factors.
The lists have been erased by atomic bombs.
A girl swims through,
Her breathing jagged from exhaustion.
Her legs leaking blood.
She holds a book above the water.
She will swim forever.
"Whatever it takes" she says.
"Whatever what takes?" asked the wind.
The sea answered for her:
"Can't you see? There are two."
The wind was silenced.
The sea spoke,
"A shark. God no."
The other, a mermaid, spoke,
"Deeper waters look pretty.
I wish to venture further."
The girl still swims.
Barely able to keep herself afloat.
Swimming alone.
The factors dragging her under.
She clutches the book in one hand,
Paddles with the other.
She stays like this.
The mermaid visits her sometimes.
"Why have you left me?
Have you forgotten?"
The lone girl answers,
As best as she can,
"I still swim because of you.
I never forget. I never will forget.
I'm sorry, I love you.
Do what you will."
"Just keep swimming"
Dory had some wisdom. Some crazy good wisdom.
Ranita Oct 2014
I can't shake it off
I have too much in me
Too much love
And I have nowhere
Nowhere to give it
Please God
Please let him exist
I pray for him daily
I love him already
Please love him
Please let him be gentle
Let him be understanding
Let him be kind
Let him be smarter than I
Let him be a leader
Make him a "no" man
Because we both know
I'd use a "yes" man
(On accident)
Please please please
God
Please
I beg of you
Either take these feelings
Relieve me of them
Or please...
Bring him to me
And please...
Let it be soon...
You see my heart
You see my hurt
You see all the love
You put inside me
You know me
You know how badly..
How utterly badly...
I desire this
I love you, Lord.
I love you so much.
If it be your will..
Let me love you
Through a man.
646 · Nov 2012
My Lovely Roses
Ranita Nov 2012
I have a jar of dried roses,
Sitting on my dresser.
Collecting dust,
Decaying petals,
Falling leaves,
They all remind me,
That beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
I look at the jar,
I see the dreary colors of death.
The colors long ago faded to lifelessness.
I love the beauty,
Of my lovely roses.
645 · Nov 2021
Frustrated
Ranita Nov 2021
Get me out of this timeline
The trap I’m in
The back and forth and restlessness
I hate it here and I hate who it makes me into
626 · Sep 2014
Wishing
Ranita Sep 2014
I wish for his hand
To brush my hair
Softly
Sweetly
Slowly
Strong hands that know
Tenderness

I wish for a true love
The deepest love possible
Where I ask him
What he is thinking of
And he answers
"I'm thinking of you"
Where I can see his eyes
Softening at the sight
Of me

I wish he would see me
All of his walls come down
Instantly
Distractions disappearing
In a crowded room
He only sees me

I wish for him
To chase after me
Not that I would run
That he would be afraid
I would

I wish for his love
His deep
Jealous
Unrelenting
Love

I wish
I could hold him
In the silent nights
When his mind
Is anything but
Silent

I wish
He would look at me
With tormented eyes
And as I touch his face
Softly
Sweetly
Slowly
They would
Soften at the sight
Of me
I want someone I can read. Someone I can know. I want to be able to help them instead of feeling tormented myself over not knowing what they're thinking.
626 · Feb 2013
Complications
Ranita Feb 2013
I hate complicated things.
I hate them.
I hate them.
I hate them.
I want the answers mapped out.
But they aren't.
Never ever mapped out.
Always guessing,
Always failing.
Why aren't you proud?
I do my best.
I fail yes.
Please
Oh God, PLEASE
Be proud.
620 · Jul 2021
Debilitating shame
Ranita Jul 2021
I’ve only ever wanted a husband to love me, and that’s all.
Baseline singular deepest dream
I’ve had it my whole life.

But what I have is shame, sitting on my back, shoved down my throat, piercing through my heart, freezing me up

I’ve let them all down
Everyone I love
Everyone who loves me
Everyone who loved me

To my mom:
I’m sorry I don’t get out of bed everyday.
I’ve been really sad, I just need some time.
I’m so ashamed I can’t do what you want for me

To my sisters:
You guys are the best, you’ve been my support
I’m ashamed because I’m scared to call you

To my friends:
I want to be there for you, I want to be good to you, I’m scared I’ll fail you
I’m ashamed that I can’t even text back when you’re all so kind to me

To my church:
I want to be a better sister, a better servant, I’m terrified of being a burden
I’m ashamed that I’m scared of you and I’m ashamed of how much I cry when I’m with you

To everyone I met:
I’m sorry I unfollowed you, I’m sorry I hurt him, I’m sorry I disappeared, I’m sorry there’s no good answers, I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to what I tried to be.
I’m so ashamed that I can’t be her, that I’m not there, that I didn’t become your friend and family. That it’s my fault.

To Joann:
I’m so very sorry that I couldn’t be your daughter and that I couldn’t take care of your son.
I’m very ashamed I can’t bring myself to write to you and try to explain or even just apologize.

To you:
I’m ashamed because I think you’ve read the things I wrote. I’m ashamed that I’ve been so depressed and hurting over a lot of things, some concerning you and some of them not. I’m ashamed that it’s me you were with. I’m ashamed that I have hurt you, to any extent. I’m ashamed that I exist being the person I am and I’m ashamed that I was so wrong. I’m ashamed that I know that we can’t, won’t, aren’t capable of talking for a really really long time because I know I can’t handle it.

I am ashamed because I am so locked up and frozen in place because of shame and because all I’ve been able to do is cry.
614 · Sep 2014
Protection or cage?
Ranita Sep 2014
I'm just absolutely,
100%,
Pathetic.
So I'm going to curl up,
And hide.
Being strong is my weakness.
Because being real is too much,
At least for now.
But is it protection..?
Or is it just a cage I've built?
601 · Feb 2013
Dark thoughts
Ranita Feb 2013
I'm being tortured. Being pulled apart slowly, painfully, and in all of the places that make me scream the loudest.
Satan has given me my own personal demons. My torturers.
They have ripped my skull in half.
They are experimenting on different parts of my mind. Finding where it causes me to writhe in pain.
They have started to rip the skin over my chest.
They have found my heart. They are cutting it to pieces.
They have taken my lungs. They are squeezing them..making it impossible to breathe..
yet God is barely keeping me alive. Why? Why do I feel like Job? I'm not strong. I don't have the strength to keep my blood flowing.
I feel it. They are going to snap my spine in half. Soon. So very soon.
Ranita Nov 2012
Hello again, my old friend.
You always had a horrible memory.
So you probably can't remember,
But we used to go to the beach.
You used to call.
I used to laugh.
Even at your lame jokes.
We used to be friends.
But you left me,
One year ago today.
How did it come to this?
How did we become strangers?
So soon, so fast.
I see old pictures,
I see new ones,
I see your face.
You've hardly changed.
I remember those days.
And then there's you,
And you always had a horrible memory.

Hello, I miss you, I love you, Goodbye.
564 · Nov 2014
How am I a human being
Ranita Nov 2014
Can we just discuss how unattractive I am?
Insecurities **** my good qualities.
I have a lot of love in me.
But that doesn't matter if I get scared.
And I am scared.
Constantly.
That everyone will leave.
And I'm so so sorry.
Everyone, I'm just sorry...
Ranita May 2017
My heart was tethered to the idea
Of following my brother's footsteps
Learning about his life
By experiencing what he did

The Lord made it painfully clear
I was to go to Brazil
I wanted to go to Brazil
I wanted to serve

My brother had a heart for the lost
He had a heart for the broken
He wanted to do everything he could
To care for others

He was the most selfless person I knew
And I am the most selfish
Fearful of myself
Fearful of extending

So..why am I not in Brazil right now?

Because my father said not yet
Because my heart said not yet
Because my circumstances said not yet
Because God said not yet

And every single solitary day that goes by
It's made more and more evident
So outrageously and abundantly clear
Why not yet

Throughout my life
I've been able to get over people
To get over things
But I can't get over myself

Who am I
To be in the way of the Lord's plan
But who am I
That he would use me

The darkness has made its home
In all of the innermost crevasses of my heart
And I know so resolutely
That I cannot serve like this

I've made the changes before
But it feels so different this time
Like there's superglue
Keeping these ***** clothes on me

I think I've conditioned myself
To believe that I will never change again
And I can't tell you how terrifying it is
To be the cage and the prisoner
542 · May 2014
Jeffrey
Ranita May 2014
No amount of words can describe what I feel.
I loved him so much and now he's gone.
He took his life and left us all confused.
We are all depressed and broken now.
Struggling to pick up the pieces of his life.
He wrote everything down, in journals, notepads.
He once wrote that he wanted to give me his bible.
So it's mine now..and I haven't touched it.
I was stronger when it first happened.
I was the one who cried the least out of everyone.
I was the one who listened to his recorder.
5 hours of slurred speech and pain.
Now I can't even touch the recorder out of fear.
Fear that hearing his voice will break me again.
I just wish that he laughed more.
Or rather, I just wish I listened....
My brother fell down a six story building when I was 5. He went through tons of surgeries. He struggled to get his life together for 14 years but PTSD kept him from doing so. He shot himself on May 6th. I had been at work when my dad came and told me what happened.
Ranita Jun 2014
It doesn't matter
If you are alone or not.
You are still lonely.
526 · Sep 2014
Anxiety...
Ranita Sep 2014
Jumbled mess
Greatly depressed
Shaky hands
Can barely stand
Empty inhaler
I am a failure
Need to pack
Panic attack
CAN YOU JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE?
Ranita Jan 2014
Few will know these things and fewer still will understand what this is to me in this moment of tonight.
But I really don't care because what I feel right now is real and I haven't felt the feeling of real in a while.
Today is my birthday. I'm older now. Wiser? Maybe, maybe not. I definitely went through enough when I was 18.
Now is my time to learn from it. And I'm kicking it off with a night of listening to an album I have abandoned.
Age of Adz. By Sufjan Stevens. And it's different now I think, I wasn't older yet, I wasn't wise I guess.
I want so much to be at rest. And I will fall asleep to an old friend singing of futile devices, getting real, getting right, and dear impossible souls.
And I will cry at the memories but relate it with new. Because today is a day of transition.
Because I want to be well. And I'm not ******* around.
516 · Nov 2017
Rescue me, Abba
Ranita Nov 2017
Father, please, rescue me
My heart cries out for respite
I’m so tired, so lonely
So empty
So tempted and weak
I don’t know what’s coming next
But I am at my lowest
I can barely stand
Abba, loving father,
Please save me
From myself
You’re the only one who can
Ranita Apr 2015
If forever is what it'll take,
Can you really wait that long?
You already have perfection,
So why does this mean so much?
I know what you want.
I know what's in your heart.
You love so much.
You hate so much too.
I can't give you this,
Not till you grow up,
Till you give up your hate.
And that's up to you.
437 · Nov 2014
Please don't look at me
Ranita Nov 2014
I hate myself
I hate my mind
I hate how I work
I hate anxiety
I hate wheezing
I hate making myself be alone
But if I don't
My pathetic life
Becomes so obvious
And I don't want...
I couldn't take...
I can't handle...
You seeing me.
Ranita Mar 2013
I cannot describe,
The searing, the burning pain,
That resides in me.
Doesn't matter where it came from, it matters how I deal with it. And right now, I'm completely lost and don't have an answer for you. I'm so very sorry.
419 · Apr 2017
Sleep tight
Ranita Apr 2017
Why is it that I feel this way?
Daydreaming isn't enough now.
I want to purge myself of this,
But I can't determine if it's possible.
My beliefs are what keep me fighting,
But whatever happened to my dreams?
I find myself afraid of me,
Who can help this weary soul?
I desire to escape this hell.
So fight I shall, to whatever end.
I'll rest my eyes for now,
Just to shut them from the blur.
Don't worry, I haven't lost hope,
I just want to sleep is all.
Goodnight.
416 · Sep 2022
Love - Less
Ranita Sep 2022
Less love in my soul than ever before
I’ll be taking care of myself
From here on out
And God, I don’t want to

I can’t keep killing my soul
There will be none of me left
To love the little I have

Loveless, I’ll live, I guess
What an unhappy existence

Maybe I’ll give up one day

Maybe later
411 · May 2015
More thoughts of my brother
Ranita May 2015
I just want you to kiss my cheek and hug me one more time when you're wearing my favorite cologne of yours.

Why are the memories of that day and week etched into my brain?

Your house was colder than ever and you always had the AC on high.

I try to only think about orchids, Star Wars, and fish, but I mainly remember drugs, alcohol, and guns.
408 · Aug 2021
Ring
Ranita Aug 2021
I played with that ring every day since it was given to me
Since I accepted it

It never felt right

It didn’t make sense that I didn’t keep it glued to my skin
It felt like a lie
399 · Feb 2013
Mondays: a haiku.
Ranita Feb 2013
Please I want to sleep.
I don't want to leave you, bed.
You look so pretty.
393 · Mar 2014
Movement
Ranita Mar 2014
Maybe I'm just missing my home..
But I really feel like I'm searching,
For something I once knew well.
I hide my face in my hands too often,
Hoping for someone to tear me out
Of this hell I put myself in.
I would cry again, but whats the use?
Puffy eyes make me uglier.
Opinions of what to do with myself
Come out of everyone's mouth,
Screaming loudly for all to hear.
My thoughts are silent
Wishing for some life to spark in me.
Artistically speaking, my life is dull.
It used to flourish like the wilderness.
You haven't disappointed me.
I have disappointed myself deeply
Simply because I wait and wait.
I would run but where would I go?
Does it really matter what I think?
Sitting in one spot doesn't help.
So I'll sit in a field of wildflowers
Taking a simple step for myself
Where maybe I'll start to see.
Took inspiration from the simplistic themes in anime. <(◕‿◕✿)<
391 · Nov 2023
Rolling my eyes
Ranita Nov 2023
Saying things
Just for the sake of saying things
Writing down sentences I don’t understand
New scars marking up my hands
Femininity down the drain
Tired eyes screaming in the mirror
Boy is this silence loud
Depth is a progression
I keep wanting to float
Aging is a recipe for losing yourself
Attempting to glaze over it
Ideas on a towering pedestal
The spirit rooms away locked up tight
Knowing what is needed
With no power over myself
Put freckles on my face
Just to occupy space and time
To feel different
Cyclical and inevitable
Devoid of satisfaction
Restless
388 · Mar 2014
Live On Caged In
Ranita Mar 2014
I am caged in.
But I guess that's my fault.
I guess I put myself there.
I'm stuck now.
I'm caged in.
Nothing makes me feel.
My eyes are lifeless.
The fire in me has burned out.
Stifled by lack of oxygen.
So what to do now?
Live on caged in?
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