2003: I stayed safe, close to home
2004: I lost my first love
2005: I pursued a goal and achieved it
2006: I went along with the pressure
2007: I got married
2008: I tried, but I disappointed
2009: I tried more, but I disappointed
2010: I felt joy for the only time in my life
2011: I worked, but I ran out of steam
2012: I got divorced
2013: I lost my Christian faith
2014: I lost my faith in love
2015: Something good, I hope

We expect life to build steadily,
experiences improving,
possessions increasing,
intimacy building as time goes by
until, in a grand crescendo,
we are fulfilled one day

On our death bed,
we say goodbye
to those we hold dearest
We weep as we hold hands,
but we know we have lead a good life
and we will be remembered

The fear of regret we once held
has long been dissipated
We wound up with the right partner
We went without so our kids
could attend the best schools
They will have an even better life than we

But how many lives truly end this way,
and how many in common tragedy?

She comes to mind frequently,
and normally runs roughshod over me
I recognized, thanks to a friend,
that these thoughts are not helpful or productive
I can go down that route a thousand times,
and I have,
but it doesn't matter how much time I spend;
it will always be a dead end

I don't yet know what to think instead,
so now when she comes to mind,
I see what's happening,
I sit in a state of moderate confusion,
knowing I don't want to go there,
but not sure what else to do
I suppose there's still plenty of healing ahead,
but here's to another step

I'm not putting myself out there anymore
I spent enough energy
on relationships that were setup to fail
No more love-seeking
No more latching on
to whatever pretty girl comes my way
No more being a hero
I'm not a perfect man,
so I can't be your perfect man
I've spent enough time
trying to be one
for the women I've been with
I have to admit it's lonely,
but it's time to stop trying to fill
the unfillable hole

when you figure it out
like my first love did,
and you look back
and see what you
left behind
as though
you've grown
a pair of
new eyes,
I'll lend a
listening ear;
I'll genuinely care;
I'll appreciate
what you want
to repair;
but I doubt
I'll ever
trust you again

I will tell you all the stuff I told the last one
You'll get to hear all of my mess

Plus one more she didn't know:
I'll break a chair if you meet someone new
Then I'll write a hundred poems about you

If you can accept that now,
Maybe you can be my girl

I feel a little bad
that you couldn't just post that
"I LOVE YOU!"
to your new guy
because you wanted to
but that it had something to do
with being freaked out
by the last guy who was into you
so I'm kinda sorry
but I'm also still hurt
but that's alright I guess