How clichè,
the rain
falling down on the grass we were sitting in.
You leaned in,
as did I.
"Can I kiss you?"
That one question lead to one peck.
My first kiss,
her's too.

In the bed,
we cuddled and held hands,
that's when your lips once again met mine.

Oh,
how I can get use to the feel of your
soft lips on mine.
I could do it for a lifetime.

Who knew that my hero would be
someone I never met?
How could it be I feel like I know him
even though I don't?
How could his being make such a huge impact on me,
and how was it that it was him that made me decide
not to end my life?
Why is it that I know he loves me
when he doesn't even know me?

Austin Carlile,
you are my hero.

I can't sleep.
It's because of you.

They'll be lucky
if I don't **** myself
after the month is over.

MY LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH HATRED,
BUT I'M STILL BREATHING.
I'M SUFFOCATING.
PLEASE SAVE ME.

You turned me into someone
I never strived
to be.

SHE'S IN MY ******* BLOOD.

We're all ****** on life,
getting high as the day goes by.

He's on the ground bleeding to death.
She's leaning over the toilet, making herself sick.
That ten year old is crying themselves to sleep.
The "gay" boy just shot himself in the head.
The teens are taking shots, killing the pain with a drag of a joint.

We never stop to see each other's pain and agony.
We never stop to see the anguish everyone's in.

While people have scars and cuts along their body,
tears down their face,
they haven't eaten in three days,
they're taking pills,
the assumption is we're all happy.

Think again.

I'm tired,
and she's beautiful.

I've lost the dark,
which destroyed my creativity.

I could
seriously love you.

I am too self-aware
for *******.

I
regret
the
day
I
met

you.

i can never love someone
as much as i do you,
and i am *******
*terrified

She's the love of my life.
From the top of her head,
to the bottoms of her feet.

She's the love of my life,
but not in the way you would think.

She's the love of my life.
She's the light of my day,
and the dark of my night.

She's the love of my life.
She's the water of the tide
and the stars in the sky.

She's the love of my life.
That won't ever change.
I love her with all of my head,
and she knows that.

And I didn't realize how
unhappy I was.

I sit and reminisce about
when you could've been mine.

"There's more to that relationship, huh?"
My dearest grandmother,
I wish I could tell you the answer
to that question,
but I don't even know.

im a galaxy
and youre
a million
miles
away

Lover-nature she told me.
Love the universe as your lover,
not your mother.

all i could hear was my heart
it pounded harder than it ever has
he could probably hear
i was shaking

he wanted it
i wanted it

it was so much different
than the first time

we were sober

what is he thinking

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

I can never catch
a break.

It's a constant struggle of
words thrown like daggers
and others putting me down
like their least favorite book.

When will I ever be
good enough?

If god was real,
he would not be this cruel.

From the abuse of my mother
to the shrugging shoulders of my friends,
and a broken heart that will never be
repaired.

A daughter with no
mother
and no
father.

A friend with no
will
and no
way.

A burn on flesh
and the scars in between.

A love that no one else
will return.

A death wish
wished upon a shooting star.

Don't you see?
I'm begging for help.

We will both take that
commitment
of the
picture engraved into
our skin.

A pain that we caused to
each other,
on our own terms.

A way that you
can't forget me,
and I can never forget you.

When I'm old and gray,
I will be reminded of the
days where I was 16,
vulnerable and
stupid.
But a mistake
that I will never regret.

You will be on me
for the rest of my life.
Forever.
And ever.

I'm moving on.
It's over.
We're done.

I'm giving you up.

I can't write pretty words,
let alone speak them.
Pretty words don't leave my head
now that I feel alive again.
I almost feel no pain,
I almost feel no happiness.
I'm totally okay,
and I think it's driving me insane.

Could we ever be together?

Who am I even writing for anymore?
Certainly not myself.

its funny because no one knows
the *truth.

Handcuffed and I thought of you
I made love and I thought of you
My Daddy died, I just thought of you
My Sister cried and my Mama too
I got a place and I thought of you
I tried to decorate and I thought of you
I'm seeing red but I'm singing blue
I never knew what black and white would bring you too

I haven't met you,
yet I feel as if though
I have touched your heart
in ways
no one else has.

I've dreamed of you every night
since then.

Now that I know how it feels to be in a different mindset,
not think the way I normally would
and do and say what I'm usually afraid to say,
I never want to be sober again.

Being drunk makes me feel numb.
All my feelings finally go away,
and I can barely think.

I don't have the mindset to think
she said this
or
he did that.

I wish I could stay like that forever,
I'd never feel pain again.

And you will never know how I hurt.

Just for 72 hours
I want you gone.

I want to not feel my
legs,
and I don't want to feel my
heavy heart.

For just three
*******
days I want you gone.

I want you to be
dead to me.

The constant jealousy game
is getting old.

Me hanging out with people
you don't like me to
hang out with,
(especially boys).

You talking to
boys I do not
approve of,
and telling me about
every detail.

I'm sick of
all of this.

I'm asking,
just 72 hours,
I want you
*gone.

Should've killed myself when I had the chance.

There's still a war inside of my mind,
and it just won't subside.

it was always you,
and has always been you.

The amount of scars that line my body could never amount to the love I have for you.

And I dream of
us again.

My ears can't handle anymore yelling,
my eyes can't take anymore blood,
and my mind can't take anymore failure.

I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE THE FACT I'M DRAGGING MYSELF INTO ANOTHER BLACK HOLE WITH NEW WAYS OF DESTROYING MYSELF.


I THINK I'M SICK.

I don't see how you can call be beautiful when I have
self-inflicted wounds dancing on my tarnished body.

How can you think a monster like me is worth it?

I just can't comprehend you wanting to be around me.
I'm just a ******-up kid trying to make it through.

Too many things are happening
for it to be a coincidence.

I have a wave of nostalgia over me.
I'm finally remembering.

When we first became friends. You walked into english class and sat right next to me.

The first time I slept at your house, and you convinced me to wear a dress, but I didn't know how to put it on. You helped me in with no problem.

And that time I spent the night at your house. We read in bed together, and fell asleep. I woke up really thirsty and went to your kitchen to get some water, and you walked in very confused. We both laughed and went back to bed.

All those nights I spent in your arms.

How I loved when you would write poems about me,
and how I waited for them.

I pretended to not like you, because liking Zoe was so much easier.

I remember thinking I couldn't kiss you, because I didn't want to treat you the way your step-brother did.

When you bought me the infinity ring (which I still wear) and the ring that says "I refuse to sink."

When my wrist was filled with ****** cuts, you pulled me into the bathroom and kissed them. I held back tears.

I'm remembering,
but you're forgetting.