Being hated for no apparent reason. (Which happens quite often I must add.)

Not reaching my goals in life.

Giving up.

People getting the wrong impression of me.

Never finding love.

Meeting my ***** donor,
or not meeting him.

Smoking until my lungs are dry.

Drinking until I die.

Guy never loving me.

Never seeing Rach again.

Hiding behind a mask for the rest of my life.

Loving the wrong person.

Never loving at all.

Rejection.

Public speaking.

Razors & open wounds.

Any death but my own.

At the ATL concert Monday night I got to thinking. Every little thing at a concert that happens, the wait, the actual concert, and the memories, they save people, make them happy. I remember the wait for Warped, that’s when my depression was really bad and I was planning to **** myself, knowing that I was going to be there, in that crowd made me want to keep living. After the Sleeping with Sirens concert, I didn’t cut months after that concert. And the complete feeling of euphoria of actually being there in front of the people who were there for you when no one else was. It makes you think, “oh I actually am happy, it isn’t the pills,” or “wow, maybe there is another way I can actually make myself feel better besides cut.” Just knowing how much you mean to the members, you can just tell in their voices how much they care; how comfortable they are with you, how serious they can get, how they carry on each and every single song. Concerts, bands save lives, so if you say they don’t, you have no idea what it feels like to have nothing to live for except music. Music has saved my life, and I have no way to repay those that have made the music, played the shows, and cared for me. There is no way I can repay them for them giving me my life back. Thank you to all of the bands that have done so, thank you.

What is behind the stars in the dark night sky?
Please don't tell me nothing,
because nothing is something.

Oh, and what is deep beneath the ocean which we cannot see?
Are there mermaids or
maybe whole another universe?

Now tell me,
is happiness truly real or is it something spoken in fairytales?

I have an open mind.
I have a sense of magic that children have in themselves.

Just please tell me:
what happens when I die?

I am told that I should love my body,
and I should not be ashamed.
BUT the white, conservative men tell me otherwise, making me feel nothing but shame.

When did it become okay for a male's education to be more important than a woman's rights?

When did it become okay to sexualize a woman just because her shirt does not cover her rear end?

This is apparent in the things my teachers have told me.
"Your shirt must be fingertip length when wearing yoga pants," she said.
"Why?"
"Because the males that sit in the class might be too destracted to listen to my lecture."

We are treated like *** toys.
Us girls are used for nothing more than a mans pleasure, so they imply.

This is MY body, and no one else's.
I may do what I please,
and no one should have a problem with it.

I refuse to be sexualized and treated like we are living in the 1920s.
But I must conform and live in fear of my consequences.

**** culture is real,
and school's are promoting it.

I don't have a father,
can I at least have a mother?

Don't hate someone just because they hate you.

2. ALWAYS be the bigger person.

3. Don't quickly judge someone.

4. You may lose people, but you will gain ones who are better.

5. Everything changes at one point.

6. Try to see opinions from both sides.

7. There are two sides to every story.

8. Some people aren't going to like you, and that's okay.

9. Speak up in class, no one is going to laugh at you.

10. Don't be shy around the person you like, they're just a person as you are.

11. No one is going to die because you failed that one test.

12. School isn't just about grades.

13. Taking one day off of school won't **** you.

14. If you put negitive thoughts out in the universe, chances are, fate won't be on your side.

15. Don't push yourself to the point of a panic attack.

16. You will always love the person you fell in love with, and you need to learn to cope.

17. Just because you're posting about them, it doesn't mean they will message you.

18. Wear a dress to school, who cares if people judge you.

19. Look on the bright side of things in every situation.

20. Always be youself, and don't change for anyone.

stop crying.
dont eat.
forget about it.
stop ******* crying.
you dont need food.
hes never going to like you.
stop crying.
she hates you.
stop crying
stop thinking about food.
dont bathe.
stop crying.
dont get up.
no school work.
he's better than you.
stop crying.
she takes pity on you.

stop.
crying.

I was worried it would come back.
--the self hatred I mean.

Deep down I knew it would.

I don't know if it's a bad week,
or I'm going into that hole again.

I purged my soul out,
and I felt happy.

I had a dream I cut to my vein,
and I woke up content.

Now,
someone might get worried reading this,
don't.

It might just have been a horrible week,
but I guess we will soon find out.

he now knows
how crazy
i actually
am
and i have
never been
so scared of
that in my life

Your smell stained my pillow again.
Your snores rang in my ears.
My head was buried in your chest.

And I've never felt so at peace in my life.

i feel unwanted and numb.

I am infatuated with your being.

I will always love you,
don't forget that.*

I didn't forget it,
but you did.

he gave me a look that set
a fire in my heart.
he turned the lights off,
and my heart raced faster.
closer
and
closer he scooted,
but did nothing.
why didnt he kiss me?

Her beauty aligns with the stars in the sky.

you are a scar that never fades away.

I miss those late nights
where we would cuddle all night.
And I mostly just miss you,
**** I miss you.
I'm sad
and you're happy with another.

my skin stained
every memory of you
the pain of the moment
will last a life time
and remind me of a love
i can never forget

THE DAYS PASS AND GOD I HATE MYSELF MORE EACH DAY AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS WILL STOP AND I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND IT'S RUINING ME AND MAN OH MAN I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF YOU.

What's happened to me?

I actually care about what people think.
I care about popularity.
I want the football players to like me.

I've lost sight as to what's true.
I'm not myself anymore.

Who am I?

I tell myself on a daily basis that I love myself,
how I look.

I've started to hate myself as the days go on.
My hair.
My eyes.
My cheeks.
My eyebrows.
My flawed skin.
My big hips.
My huge thighs.
My fat stomach.

I keep telling myself,
"you're gorgeous!!"

I can't do it.
I hate myself.

I'm ugly as can be.
Pictures show it.

My face is too oily,
my lips are too dry.

When will I become pretty?
I fear it to be never.

The hatred is back,
and I'm hating it.

She knows the feeling.
She knows what it's like to kiss razors.
Little red lines dance across her arm.
Her eyes dream of tomorrow.
I can tell how badly she wants the pain to wear away.
I can tell how scared she is.


Don't worry darling,
I can hear you scream.

It's almost been a year since the last time I starved myself,
and I think it's time to cut back on the food again.

I've reread your message for days,
but I don't think I can bring myself to reply.

And then I realized,
you don't even care about me anymore.

She's been there since
the 4th grade.
The years where there were no scars
on my arm,
when our smiles shone through the stars,
where out friendship was new with years to come.

I don't know how it is
that I can love someone so much without actually being
in love with her.

She is my best friend.

She's always been there,
even when it was tough.
We worked things out,
it's a new start.

She showed me how to be happy,
how to cry because I'm the one who made the
hugest impact on her,
how to love someone unconditionally,
without having a relationship.

She is the sun that my lightens my day,
and the stars that lighten my night.

She is the intelligence that I feed off of
on those nights.

That day I told her I had harmed,
oh how she hated herself for not being there.
And I hated myself for the pain I had caused my better half.

That night that we opened and looked out my window,
let the cold breeze hit our faces.
Listened to music.
We did not speak a word.  

When she hates herself it pains me,
because she has no idea what she really is.
She is perfect to me.

She is my best friend,
a rare one at that.

i hope everyone knows
it's not because of them,
it has everything to do with
me.

I just wanna **** his ****.

The moon in the dusk looked at me and whispered everything will be okay.
She told me that time goes on and she will always come back up to comfort me during night.
She looks over me and makes sure I'm well.
She gives me light in my dark mind,
and brightens the dark sky.
"When you're feeling down, come and find me," she said with a grin.
And I replied, "I'll be back again."

What's worse?
Falling for someone you can never have,
or falling for someone who you could have had?

I understand it,
you hate me.
But,
must you be so ******* immature about it?

I look for you in
every song.

and when i saw him
he didnt know
of the burn
in my flesh.

Do you remember that night?
Not that night,
but the night where everything was
simple,
peaceful.

We layed on the trampoline,
it was around 30 degrees outside.

I was cuddled into your side,
your body is always warm.

We stared at the stars.
I can't tell you for how long,
but it felt infinate,
neverending.

Jupiter peaked through an abundance of trees,
you pointed and asked
what planet that was.

I told you of my favorite constellation
and showed you.

Do you remember my favorite
constellation?

More importantly,
do you even remember that night?

63072000 seconds ago
I was worried about what blade I would use next.

1,051,200 minutes ago
I didn't know how much longer I could take living this life.

17531.6 hours ago
you and I got together.

730 days ago
we were friends.

24 months ago
I woke up to you by my side,

Two years ago
everything was so bad, but oh so good.

it's going to work out
it's going to work out
it's going to work out*

and nothing has hurt more.

Do you remember when you liked me?"
Ha, yeah..
I still can't believe you did.
Yeah..it happens often.

that's a lie
i loved you
i loved you more than anything in this ****** world
it pains me, still, after 5 months
its gotten a whole lot easier being around you
but theres always this feeling, heavily holding my heart down
a feeling you will never find out

You okay? You haven't said anything in a few minutes.
*Yeah, I'm fine. Just got lost in thought.

How did I
ever love
you?

I simply cannot speak to you.
Maybe it's not so simple, actually.
It's the thought of your smell.
I'm trying not to recall your smile.
I might have to ****** myself so I don't ponder over those things.
Your voice.
Your eyes.
My thoughts are cramped,
killing me by the second.
Tick, tock.
Tick, tock.
Soon I'll be dead.

I told her that every things been going smoothly,
that I'm okay.
The little red lines that run along my skin scream for another answer to give,
but I resisted.

He's beautiful,
but he's not mine to touch.

I can still taste you
I can still hear your moans ringing in my ears
I can still feel your body heat in my side

I can hear the tone of your voice when you told me
"I don't care"

"I need love!" I scream from the top of my lungs,
but he never hears me.
"I want you!" I whisper right behind his back,
but he doesn't turn around.
"Can I get to know you?" I question him as he turns the corner,
not even looking for who was talking.
"You're killing me!" I cry as he listens to the teacher lectures.
"Do you even know who I am?" I mumble as I realize he doesn't even know my name.
"I don't even know you." I say under my breath as he leans to his friend.
"Why am I doing this to myself?" I think as the bell rings and he leaves my view.

i do not regret it
i do not feel ****** about it
and i would do it again in a
*heartbeat.

I hope to god
when you look at the red bruise
on your arm
you think of me.

The more i do it,
the more satisfied i become.

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.