Being hated for no apparent reason. (Which happens quite often I must add.)

Not reaching my goals in life.

Giving up.

People getting the wrong impression of me.

Never finding love.

Meeting my ***** donor,
or not meeting him.

Smoking until my lungs are dry.

Drinking until I die.

Guy never loving me.

Never seeing Rach again.

Hiding behind a mask for the rest of my life.

Loving the wrong person.

Never loving at all.

Rejection.

Public speaking.

Razors & open wounds.

Any death but my own.

At the ATL concert Monday night I got to thinking. Every little thing at a concert that happens, the wait, the actual concert, and the memories, they save people, make them happy. I remember the wait for Warped, that’s when my depression was really bad and I was planning to **** myself, knowing that I was going to be there, in that crowd made me want to keep living. After the Sleeping with Sirens concert, I didn’t cut months after that concert. And the complete feeling of euphoria of actually being there in front of the people who were there for you when no one else was. It makes you think, “oh I actually am happy, it isn’t the pills,” or “wow, maybe there is another way I can actually make myself feel better besides cut.” Just knowing how much you mean to the members, you can just tell in their voices how much they care; how comfortable they are with you, how serious they can get, how they carry on each and every single song. Concerts, bands save lives, so if you say they don’t, you have no idea what it feels like to have nothing to live for except music. Music has saved my life, and I have no way to repay those that have made the music, played the shows, and cared for me. There is no way I can repay them for them giving me my life back. Thank you to all of the bands that have done so, thank you.

What is behind the stars in the dark night sky?
Please don't tell me nothing,
because nothing is something.

Oh, and what is deep beneath the ocean which we cannot see?
Are there mermaids or
maybe whole another universe?

Now tell me,
is happiness truly real or is it something spoken in fairytales?

I have an open mind.
I have a sense of magic that children have in themselves.

Just please tell me:
what happens when I die?

I am told that I should love my body,
and I should not be ashamed.
BUT the white, conservative men tell me otherwise, making me feel nothing but shame.

When did it become okay for a male's education to be more important than a woman's rights?

When did it become okay to sexualize a woman just because her shirt does not cover her rear end?

This is apparent in the things my teachers have told me.
"Your shirt must be fingertip length when wearing yoga pants," she said.
"Why?"
"Because the males that sit in the class might be too destracted to listen to my lecture."

We are treated like *** toys.
Us girls are used for nothing more than a mans pleasure, so they imply.

This is MY body, and no one else's.
I may do what I please,
and no one should have a problem with it.

I refuse to be sexualized and treated like we are living in the 1920s.
But I must conform and live in fear of my consequences.

**** culture is real,
and school's are promoting it.

I don't have a father,
can I at least have a mother?

Don't hate someone just because they hate you.

2. ALWAYS be the bigger person.

3. Don't quickly judge someone.

4. You may lose people, but you will gain ones who are better.

5. Everything changes at one point.

6. Try to see opinions from both sides.

7. There are two sides to every story.

8. Some people aren't going to like you, and that's okay.

9. Speak up in class, no one is going to laugh at you.

10. Don't be shy around the person you like, they're just a person as you are.

11. No one is going to die because you failed that one test.

12. School isn't just about grades.

13. Taking one day off of school won't **** you.

14. If you put negitive thoughts out in the universe, chances are, fate won't be on your side.

15. Don't push yourself to the point of a panic attack.

16. You will always love the person you fell in love with, and you need to learn to cope.

17. Just because you're posting about them, it doesn't mean they will message you.

18. Wear a dress to school, who cares if people judge you.

19. Look on the bright side of things in every situation.

20. Always be youself, and don't change for anyone.

stop crying.
dont eat.
forget about it.
stop ******* crying.
you dont need food.
hes never going to like you.
stop crying.
she hates you.
stop crying
stop thinking about food.
dont bathe.
stop crying.
dont get up.
no school work.
he's better than you.
stop crying.
she takes pity on you.

stop.
crying.

I was worried it would come back.
--the self hatred I mean.

Deep down I knew it would.

I don't know if it's a bad week,
or I'm going into that hole again.

I purged my soul out,
and I felt happy.

I had a dream I cut to my vein,
and I woke up content.

Now,
someone might get worried reading this,
don't.

It might just have been a horrible week,
but I guess we will soon find out.

I've lost the dark,
which destroyed my creativity.

could you ever love me the same way you did
those few years ago?

it was always you,
and has always been you.

you may have lost her,
but you got me back.

Could we ever be together?

What's worse?
Falling for someone you can never have,
or falling for someone who you could have had?

I am infatuated with your being.

And I knew I couldn't be right.

And I dream of
us again.

"The way you talk about him,
it's like you're in love with him."

it's going to work out
it's going to work out
it's going to work out*

and nothing has hurt more.

And I hope I am right.

I hope you know.

i can't catch my breath

and you make me feel so vulnerable.

i sure did look cute
in between your legs.

i feel unwanted and numb.

i know why no one will ever love me or want me.
It's not hard to decipher.
i'm easy to leave and forget,
and you're the reason i know that now.

I get depressed
just thinking
about you.

I hate everything that we've become.

if you don't care,
i don't care.

No words were said,
but I knew.

I knew when you held my hand
as we walked through the crowd of people.

I knew when you layed your head
on my shoulder and swayed to the music.

I knew when I almost fell,
you sat me down and cooled me off.

I knew when she couldn't move,
you calmed me down.

If that's not love,
I don't know what is.

Will it happen again?

No matter how hard I try;
how hard I ******* try.

My father will never leave my life.

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

I am not the person I was two years ago,
but I can't stop the thoughts.

I've dreamed of you every night
since then.

You turned me into someone
I never strived
to be.

He's beautiful,
but he's not mine to touch.

I've started to not care about school.
Copying homework left and right.
Cheating on tests
every
****
time.

And I can't bring myself to care.

im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

i hope everyone knows
it's not because of them,
it has everything to do with
me.

I don’t even know myself anymore. I look myself in the mirror and I see this girl who isn’t me. That girl I see in the mirror..her eyes look dead. They look empty. She’s crying, tears falling from her dull blue eyes; her eyes used to be so radient and happy. Her wrists, shredded up, along with her thighs. What happened? A few months ago there were no scars or cuts. She made herself into a hideous monster. Oh I’m not done yet. This girl, her words cut through people like a razor; just like the ones she used, she has no sympathy. She’s lost, panicking, you can see her anxiety rising, ripping away at her second by second. In the mirror you see her family, they look upset; she did that to them. They’re yelling, threatening. Her anxiety builds up more. Her family leaves, letting her cry alone. She can’t quite say anything right, and ends up taking it out on her beloved friends. She can’t take it anymore. She wants out, but she can’t leave. This girl in the mirror isn’t me, but she won’t leave. This girl creeps up on me, and she scares me.

The thought of her is like a boomerang,
it always comes back.

You sat there with a pistol in your hand.
The bullets were the words.
They were shot,
and you never checked to see if my wounds were okay.

"I need love!" I scream from the top of my lungs,
but he never hears me.
"I want you!" I whisper right behind his back,
but he doesn't turn around.
"Can I get to know you?" I question him as he turns the corner,
not even looking for who was talking.
"You're killing me!" I cry as he listens to the teacher lectures.
"Do you even know who I am?" I mumble as I realize he doesn't even know my name.
"I don't even know you." I say under my breath as he leans to his friend.
"Why am I doing this to myself?" I think as the bell rings and he leaves my view.

"There's more to that relationship, huh?"
My dearest grandmother,
I wish I could tell you the answer
to that question,
but I don't even know.

How did 9 months
feel like an eternity?

He was in my dreams again,
some place I never wished him to be.

I woke up in a cold sweat,
tears in my eyes.

I've never met him,
but I'm terrified.

he gave me a look that set
a fire in my heart.
he turned the lights off,
and my heart raced faster.
closer
and
closer he scooted,
but did nothing.
why didnt he kiss me?