i almost cried earlier because
for some **** reason,
church reminds me of
all the bad things that have
ever happened to me.

is that normal?

i thought church was
supposed to lift you up
because God loves you,
right?

i know he does...
but why do i constantly
need a reminder that i am
not worthy of such love?

Death toll on the rise
pain and suffering none too wise
Tragedy in unexpected moment
disaster in life a torment
can the heart fanthom life
Doth life answer worldly strife
Past a history to write
future a clueless path to light

So maybe I don't need to have it all figured out all ready.
Apparently I'm not the only one trying to grab a future.

I was so sure that high school would have solidified my dreams
instead it messed up my mind, and what I thought I wanted.

Once I step back and really look at everyone flowing through the halls
it become evident that I'm not the only one that is confused.

Maybe it's alright that I don't know what I'm doing
that I want to stop this rushing train before it runs into a wall.

But then again

I've been wrong before

i look like a lady
but i think like a man
and i guess in this relationship
ill probably be a little bit of both
the things i want to do in bed
are definitely not too girly
but i know that you'd enjoy
the feeling of being touched
and licked
and loved.

but, im still a lady
ill put out your chair
and be as gentle as i can
and the kisses ill give you
will be as sweet as sugar.
ill wear perfume
and my dresses will
hug my hips
and my neck will taste like
love.

ill be everything you need.
from intelligent, to lover,
to just someone you want to
listen to music with,
ill be everything you deserve.

I'm so alone
drowning in my own thoughts

While they gossip and act their age
I listen
While letting my mind digest the mysteries of life

When did I become so old?
So detached from what it means to act my age.

Normal conversations for me involve the future.
They are so normal - gossiping and joking around

So isolated among my own age group
What am I doing with my life? With the now?

I'm so scared of the day when the future that I'm so terrified of
Is no longer the future