nothing quite as sad as realizing you were in love alone
realizing you were hoping for things, alone.

how many times have I tried to text you “I love you”, just to erase it before pressing send? too many times to count.

I broke and ended up initiating plans
It’s wise to not share space alone
Inside four walls, I wander
Almost forget who I am and
Run to the arms of another
I wonder if there will be a day
when you don’t cross my mind?

felt like a high school daydream
you pointed out constellations,
but the wind hurt my face and I just wanted to wrap myself in you
On the swings, I asked you to push me
claiming I wanted help building momentum
but it was an excuse to be touched by you
I am shameless
I am sad
my mind is beautiful and soft and hopes that you feel as anxious and dizzy around me as I do around you.

how long until I find another that will crack  me right open?

I vibrate at a different frequency
It lingers for hours after
I’m dizzy with want

of not being anything more
of you making me full body laugh
of me suppressing all the things I want to say
of me fighting what my body wants to do