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Lee Jun 2020
I hold so much regret for the things I could not say when given the opportunity.

I wish there was a more sacred word for loving someone. It has become a silent goodbye in the whisper of society.
I feel that unknowable, un-named, sacred word deeply when I look at you.

There should only be one and it will be my last one.

The nicest killings begin with bitter panic attacks followed by the heartache of a shattered soul.
  Jun 2020 Lee
Bogdan Dragos
"It's not that it was the worst
but it was very bad," the old
man said.
"I wasn't hanging but the noose
was so thick around my frail neck.
I was nine. And the
forest was
dark.
Night.
And holding me, they made my
old man dig a deep hole.
He did as they said
to buy my freedom.
They untied me then and
put the rope around my old man's
arms and legs
and threw him in the hole
and covered him up with dirt.
They didn't make me watch.
But I did.
I wanted to photograph their
faces with my eyes
to burn their smirks under my eyelids.
Well, the saddest thing about it all is
that they died, all of them were
caught and condemned to death
before I was old enough or strong
enough to hunt down and
**** them myself.
The greatest regret of my life.
The world, you see, has no true justice
It never had.
You see, young man, that's why I
can never be a child of God.
He wants us all to forgive.
I can't.
Don't want.
Will not.
Ever.
So instead of going to church
I pass out in bars like this one
It's been my favorite lately
And you're my only friend, young man.
You're the only one weird enough to
listen to this old, demented fool's stories."

"I'll always listen,"
I said.
"Here, how about another drink?"

"Another drink, sure. Thanks.
But I'm afraid you won't be
listening to these stories for long.
I'm going away, young man."

"Where?"

"Well, to court first
and then
definitely
to jail."

"To jail at your age?
What did you do?"

The old man smiled a toothless
smile. "Old as I am, I used to have
front teeth, you know? Well, the
reason I no longer have them...
I bit a child's ear off.
It was his face.
It reminded me of them. Belonged to the
same race. So I figured... you know,
maybe he was one of their descendants.
It was the least I could do. All
I could do...
I told you I'm crazy. I told
everyone."

"Yep, but I'm listening. I'm a
writer..."

"Really?"

"No, but I try to be. Want to."

"Heh, guess we're both crazy
after all. Cheers."
Lee Jun 2020
If I choked, would you notice my lack of breath?
Would you recognize my world filming over
In my eyes?
The air in my lungs have
ALWAYS
Struggled around you.
My heart skips when you speak.
My brain
FIZZLES OUT
When you smile.
And you tell me how much I'm worth to you...


But you are a
TOWNHOUSE
In my city.
My emotions are the clouds, soaring so far overhead...
You'd barely catch a glimpse.
I'm glad our hearts beat to the same love
But you will never witness me breaking.
You will never watch me melt into the floor,
PRAYING
and
CRAVING
That I could wake up in another life at a moment's notice.

IF you watched me
BREAK
Inside, you'd see me for me.
And baby...
I'm scared of myself.
I'm scared of what I'll do if I lose.
If I lose.
If I lose.
If I lose the game of life.

I will never let you watch me break because
IF
I did, you'd realize
My arms hold
SCARS!
My lungs hold
DRUGS!
And my body ******* CRADLES
Bruises.

So yes, I know how much I'm worth to you.
But you only pay for what you eat, right?
Why read the fine print?

This is not a bad thing.
I have been using a mask for years and
NOW
after so long...?


I feel the ache.


I wanna show you all of me.
All clothes, no mask.
Me.

And
THAT
Is IF.

Is that bad?
A bit about revealing and talking about what I've been through and why I'm here and now.
I've yet to share it with even my family.
I wanna open this bottle...
I'm so done HIDING
but where do I GO??
  May 2020 Lee
Chris Saitta
I remember the hidden chapel bells in her voice,
The little cloister of her abbey looks that opened
To a lovelorn courtyard of cisterns and well works,
The sounding pulleys and ropes from the springs,
I will miss her nothing said to my infinite misgivings.
Lee May 2020
Knees skipping around on tar-traced street corners,
blood sleeping like the wine in DRIVER'S cup.
Purple-blue bruises boil over into the left lane-
Like the car that hit her.
Swerving, cruising, napping away.
Gentle hum and reckless sways turn into a
Crunching thud, splattering what COULD be a puddle onto
the roads.
Slippery smooth frost, lover, except winter was now called
DRUNK...

Knees the color of a powdered apricot-
Red POOLING around the body...
Past the legs..,
Into hell, 'cause her body would never be with her soul again.

And he
KEPT
ON
CRUISING.
Lee May 2020
In regards to my recent behavior.

I apologize deeply for falling out of your pristine lines.
See, when I confessed to you
That evening, I believed you'd understand
TRAUMA


Your mind goes to
GLASS,
Clinking in ice cups like when I tell you I cry to sleep-
You'd rather not think about the pain
Coursing through my veins
As those shards carve me away.

That's why you hide
At the slightest mention of
DAMAGE.

Your expectations, I pray, have not increased the slightest!
I no longer apply to those lines, society.
Lines that are
Perfect photocopy girls.
Pleated skirts and a man to keep us in line.
It's what you deem "Easiest" and "Normal", right?
One hair out of place and I might infect your society-acceptable bubble!
Why add pain?
Image matters, after all.
Oh, the woe of my existence is
Such a BLEMISH on your school's
-IMAGE-
And we wouldn't want the world to think
anyone is damaged...
Now would we?
I apologize for falling out of line, once again.
I hope you can forgive me for
FEELING
Tears rack my eyes when my brothers were shot down,
And I hope you can forgive me for
FEELING
My stomach empty itself as my poppa took a life
or two.
Because FEELING isn't pleated skirts.
And DAMAGE
Isn't letting a man keep me in line.


In regards to my recent behavior:
I apologize that I have sense, society.
Sense enough not to let you command
How death and loss should
affect me.



I apologize for being broken, so I'll step back into line now
with my navy blue pleated skirt
and my mandatory man
bringing in money as I keep to this house
of deception.
And I'll let my emotions rot me through my core
like I'll leave the "hard" work to the man.
The man that shot my brothers.
The man that gave them life.
I'll shove those feelings down for you
So the world can be perfect again.

Sincerely, I.
---------------
Thanks for reading!
This is inspired by
The Hate U Give, named after Tupac's famous quote
"The Hate U Give Little Infants ***** Everyone", or **** Life.

The father in this poem shot his own babies,
And the daughter was distraught but shoved it down so she could remain normal.
Awful but I hope it speaks to you.
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