Every silent morning
Gazing with warm eyes
From the cold, hard mirror
Is my image.

But when night falls,
That image disappears.
Gone with the wind
Away.

Do I cease to exist?
Why can't I see that person anymore?
Am I just
An illusion?

I think one of my greatest fears is disappointing others.
But not in the way of if I go to college, my job, my relationships.
I think one of my greatest fears is disappointing others with my looks.

I hate being talked about to others by people who love me.
Giving strangers some sick twisted idea that I'm some sweet, beautiful girl.
People who love you tend to forget about the not so pretty things, the not good enough things.
But I don't forget them.

Because the second I am introduced,
I can see it in their eyes,
Maybe I'm imagining it,
But I can't see past it,
They look disappointed.
So let down.
"I thought she'd be thinner...and more beautiful...oh my god look at her thighs!"
I can see it in your eyes.
In the back of your mind, I know you're thinking this.
You were led to believe I'm something greater than what's in front of you.
I'm crushed.
It's my fault,
I'm sorry.

I am too angry to write
My words will burn through the paper
Tear it to shreds
Smoldering anger
Burst into flame
Will destroy
Whatever I write
I am so angry that it feels like
Bleeding
Pouring out from deep within

I hear sadness behind that laugh,
long dreary depression in that heart.
I see pain, such hurt in those eyes.
A slowness in your movement,
the frantic processing of cruel,
twisted thoughts in your lies.
The longing in your voice,
so sharp and distinguished to my experienced ears - fall on the deaf ones of those whom which you crave love.
From whom you wish to vanquish your fears.

You desire love, but from those who are not willing to give.
You push away those whose love to you - they feely give.
The darkness in your life so blinds you, that you allow it to take your light.
You become so accustomed to the dark that whoever comes bearing light, is scowled upon and chased away, forced to dissipate into the night.

Your one sided mind and your naïve, twisted perception,
can only leave you alone,
maybe then you'll have time for some self reflection.
To see all you've lost,
all that you continue to lose.
Open your heart,
open it wide,
let it be love that you choose.