his warm strong hands lift me up towards the vast blue sky
my grasping little Fingers stretched out feel the rays of the sun warm my skin
then suddenly,
A gust of cold wind blows him away like
petals of dandelions
disappearing
one
by
one
Till
there
are
none.

the sky starts turning graphite gray,
but his scent of:
citrus
musk
pines
still lingers in the air.

my Hands once reaching out
become loose hanging threads.


,
                                                   the sky starts crying
                                               forming huge teardrops
                                                       ­ that falls on
                                                           my facE
                                                            ­slowly
                                                          ­   then
                                                            ­   all
                                                           at once
                                                            ­    it
                                                          ­   Rains.


The taste of green tea, bitter and warm, remains.

The things I'm good at
are sleeping
failing
falling
moping
around.

The things I'm bad at
are living
laughing
dancing
standing
still.

I don't know what to do now
I don't know what to be
the feeling of frustration
is taking over
I'm drowning in doubts and uncertainty
but that's what life is supposed to be
Messy.

I don't want to enclose myself
in the prison that I have created
I don't want to keep on thinking about what has not even happened yet
I don't want to restrict myself to what is comfortable
I don't want to regret not exploring the "impossible"
I don't want to look back when I'm old and just say "it was okay"
I don't want to be just there
I don't want to merely exist
I want to be more
I want to do more
I want to live.

He came to me by surprise
With a "Hello" and a charming smile
I sat next to him in the car thinking
"This is crazy. I was only joking."
He doesn't make my heart flutter
He doesn't make my skin tingle
He doesn't make me clammy or out of breath
but
He does make me smile
He does make me laugh
He does make me think about him a lot
And most importantly
somehow he makes me feel less cynical about love even for a little while
We talked and talked and talked until early morning
and that's how it ended
with an awkward high five and a "Goodbye."

I feel weightless like I'm floating in mid-air.
I'm so broken, in need of a repair.
sick of this journey already.